#i gotta start drawing again i think im better at putting feelings into like. images.. am hoping to do those requests today <33< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[exmeowstic]

bastionn i hope ur well 🙇‍♀️ would u or graha confess first ? what do u imagine itd be like - like would u kiss then and there, would it take a while, do u automatically decide that ur partners or go on a few actual dates first ? (@dmclr)

YIPPEEE hi clara!! i am doing well im balling trying to get a new job hopefully... and playing plenty of fall guys in the meantime <33 i hope youre doing well too!!!! and as for your quesion :3c

honestly bastion and graha are both so bad about like. saying just the sweetest most heartfelt confession sounding type things to each other completely out of pocket (im having trouble finding the exact quote but i am starkly remembering a scene where graha straight up says something about wanting to 'write a new future together with you' and then the scene goes on like that wasnt just one of the gayest most touching things someone could say to me) that it actually takes a while to do any sort of proper confession. for the longest time its closer to a million Little confessions and affirmations that the two of them want to be together and Stay together

of course theyre both also pining idiots for the longest time and try to tell themselves some flavor of "well obviously when he says he never wants me to leave his side he must mean as like. an adventuring buddy like the other scions. surely nothing romantic here."

overall though i think in the end graha would be the one to really Confess during one of their many heart to hearts. the two of them are similar in a lot of respects but bastion is ever so slightly more of a 'ill keep all of my feelings locked up tight and just sit with all that' type of person at that point (though i could certainly say some things about graha pushing down a lot of his feelings and entire identity esp for a whole century as the exarch.. they can both be very bad in this regard). though thinking abt the specifics of any sort of confession would make my brain explode i fear. perhaps one day i could try to write smth out...

as for any sort of dating/kissing/figuring that out afterwards.... i feel like i say this a lot but it would probably take them a while :3 they both know they have all the time in the world to figure it out <33 and truth be told they already probably go on a lot of little outings/adventures that could be considered dates even before confessing anything..

[atlabeth]

hold onto me (im a little unsteady) - sokka x reader

i was listening to the song when i came up w this so feel free to listen to that if you want

summary: a late night with sokka reminds you that even on the worst days, you always have someone in your corner.

a/n: lmao this is 100% self indulgent i have no excuses. my parents are getting divorced and almost every time they're together they argue and so this is just a comfort fic after it happened again tonight bc GD i wish i had a sokka. this one goes out to all my divorce babies or people with parents that never stop arguing. you are very loved<3

wc: 1.7k, this got away from me lol

warning(s): mentions of parents arguing n shit, like the tiniest mentions of implying sex and problems with consent (in general, not with them), but this is all fluff

hey. i know you’re probably asleep right now but could you come over?

It was far too late at night when you sent the text. A question asked on a whim, an offer that would most likely go ignored due to the boy on the other end being asleep.

But goddammit, you really didn’t care. Even if he didn’t respond, just hitting ‘send’ made you feel slightly better. You had already taken refuge in one of the sweatshirts he had left at your house (read: one that you had stolen and refused to give back) and as your eyes fell on the glow of the digital clock on your bedside table, you were once again reminded of how stupid this was.

But you heard the telltale buzz of a notification and all but lunged for your phone, an uncontrollable smile tugging on your lips. You didn’t know why you ever doubted him.

sokka💙: you know i never sleep babe

sokka💙: a curse of my genius

sokka💙: im omw

you’re the best thank you love<3

A pair of fuzzy socks and a refilled water bottle later, you heard the sound of something hitting your window. Though you tensed up at first, a roll of your eyes was all it took before you remembered just who you had invited over. Another smile took over as you pushed yourself off of your bed, pushing the curtains aside in time to see another pebble hit the pane.

A physical effort took place to stifle the laugh as you pushed your window up, and you leaned against the sill on your elbows to get a better look at your ridiculous boyfriend.

“Throwing rocks at my window? I think I’m stuck in a bad romcom.”

He grinned and let the remaining pebbles fall to the ground. “It’s what’s to be expected from your Prince Charming, right? Besides, I’m assuming that your parents wouldn’t just let me walk through the front door at this hour.”

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. Just the sight of Sokka was always enough to make you feel better, and tonight was no exception. The vice on your heart was already starting to loosen. “Right as usual. Think you’ll catch me if I jump?”

He laughed and made a show of looking up and down the distance and then at his arms. “I’d like to say so, but I think we’d have better luck if I climb up.”

“You sure you can do that, big guy?” you asked with a teasing grin. He rolled his eyes with the same sentiment.

“Of course I can. I just thank nature that there’s a tree so close to your window. It’s saved me from a lot of embarrassing falls.”

You chuckled and backed away from the window, the slight chill from the night air beginning to get to you. “I’ll leave you to it while I get things ready.”

Truth be told, your room was a total mess at the moment. You knew Sokka wouldn’t care, especially not now, but it put you slightly more at ease to have something in your life that you could control. You were in the middle of shoving some previously strewn-about clothes into your closet when you heard the click of your window closing. When you turned around, you were met with your boyfriend’s smiling face.

“You’re so pretty,” you murmured as you walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you kissed him lightly on the lips, unable to stop the blossoming smile nor the warmth that the action gave you. “Thank you for being here.”

“Of course.” The softness of his words were in stark contrast to the joking bravado from only minutes earlier, and as you stepped away from his embrace and pushed yourself onto your bed, he joined you on the other side. “And not that I’m not happy to be here, but I just wanna know. What’s going on?”

You sighed, letting one leg hang off the bed as you tucked the other in. It was a testament to Sokka’s power how quickly he had gotten you to forget about the new mess of the night. “The usual showing of fuckall and fuckup. I’m more impressed by how they never run out of things to scream at each other about.”

Your bad joke didn’t get a laugh out of him, which you were secretly glad for. Instead, he snaked an arm around your back and tugged you closer, a contented sigh falling from your lips as you nestled your head into the space between his shoulder and his head. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

The phrase had gone in one ear and out the other more times than you could count from your parents, but each time Sokka said it, the words held a different weight. You knew it wasn’t your fault in the first place, but guilt didn’t care all that much for logic. You knew he meant it though, and once more the vice loosened.

“I know. But it still helps to hear it.” You glanced up at him, reaching a hand up to twist a loose strand of his hair around your finger. “You should wear your hair down more often,” you mused. “It makes you look like a prince.”

He chuckled, amusement glinting through his ocean eyes. “I did say I was your Prince Charming, didn’t I?”

You smiled, slowly uncurling his hair from your finger. “Yeah.”

“That means I’ll always be there for you. Especially to save my royal from their evil stepparents.”

Another laugh bubbled in your chest at that, and you leaned closer into him. “Thank you. The more I visit your place, the more I want your family to be mine. Hakoda is like, the nicest man I’ve ever met, and your mom? She actually makes me want to cry with how sweet she is. I think I know where you get it from.”

He grinned and bumped your leg with his own. “You know you’re welcome over there any time. But maybe you shouldn’t — I think my mom might actually adopt you with how much she loves you. That… that would be really weird.”

His joy was infectious as you planted another kiss on his cheek, something that earned you a, as you liked to call it, dazzling Signature Sokka Smile. “I’ll make sure she holds off on the adoption papers for now.”

“I’d like that.”

And though the happiness you felt at the moment was almost overwhelming, that was just what caused that tiny sliver of doubt to come in. When people invited their partners over at three in the morning, it usually wasn’t to sit on the bed and talk about their problems. It was… it was for more, and you didn’t want that right now. And because you were an expert at it, you decided to put your foot in your mouth and start talking.

“I— I’m sorry that I called you over here so late, for no reason. I know you probably expected something else than me ranting, but…” you sighed, drawing your knees closer to your chest as you brought your other hand to Sokka’s resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

He sighed at that, but you knew it wasn’t one of disappointment. “You know I’m here for you. I don’t care if you just want to sit in silence for the next five hours while we stare at the wall, or if you want to watch sappy rom coms until your eyes bleed. I’m more than okay with staying like this. I didn’t come over here because I expected anything from you — I came over here because you needed me, and so I’m here.” Sokka smiled, an image you didn’t think would ever stop making you melt, and intertwined your hand with his. “This is perfect. You’re perfect.”

You were so stunned at the brazen declaration that your voice got stuck in your throat for a moment, holding back tears. (Happy tears. They were never anything other than happy tears with Sokka.) It hit you then that you didn’t really know what it was like having someone get close to you without an ulterior motive.

“Thank you,” you murmured after a moment of comfortable silence. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You knew he was smiling, even without having to look up at him. You could hear it in his voice, feel it in the kiss he pressed to your hairline.

A comfortable silence hung in the air for a long time until you broke it. “You know… my dad kinda ran off to a motel for the night after this whole thing, and my mom leaves early in the morning. If you were serious about those rom coms…” You allowed the unsaid question of staying the night to fester so Sokka knew he could say no if he wanted to, but he didn’t even hesitate.

“Of course I was serious. I mean, I’ve gotta get the ideas for our future wedding from somewhere.”

You laughed, a sentiment that had occurred more times in the ten minutes he had been here than the past week, and picked the remote for your little box TV off of your bedside table. You clicked through various movies until you found one Sokka liked, and then you cuddled deeper into his side to prepare for the ride you had ahead of you.

Thirty minutes into 27 Dresses, he had fallen asleep, arm still around you and one of his legs slightly intertwined with one of your own. But it’s not like you minded — the familiar weight of Sokka in your bed had caused all your worries to melt away, if only for the night.

You didn’t expect him to last past the first movie, but you were sure you would at least get through until Katherine Heigl got the man. But there was an overwhelming feeling of safety permeating the air with Sokka’s arms around you, and you ended up knocked out before she could even get through all twenty seven dresses.

It wasn’t lost on you how fortunate you were — he didn’t expect anything like that from you, he just wanted you to be safe. He was there for you. You would never understand how you had gotten so lucky with your boyfriend, but you would never stop being grateful for him.

-

this is the most self indulgent thing ive ever written and i am NOT sorry

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla tags: @marianne1806 @brown-eyed-thang @akiris

[lavenders-writing]

my epic and official review of FMN by @sipsteainanxiety below the cut <33

(ALSO GO READ IT IF YOU HAVEN'T)

okay starting off with ch 27:

the eye contact through the mirror,, good shit right there

this is random but i keep thinking about the baby and i feel so :(((( and DDDDD: PLEASE they gotta be a family again i am beggingsgfhgf

"you could still pull up. i'll sure she'll understand" okay i pull up--

"gotta get that quality time in with your girl" amen sero, amen

"cowabummer, dude" HJDFK SERO I LOVE YOU he's really coming in here with some hit lines isnt he

he;s so nervous :(((( just wanna wrap him in a big hug he deserves one

the thought that bakugou, who's extremely calculated, is willing to just risk it all just to be with the person he loves means SO much my heart is aching but like in a good way

the art AWWWWWshfgfddsk he is SO. yeah love him

Dr BitchAss McGee better step back alright im not playing around this time bc katsuki is sad again and that is NOT allowed in this household

if this man doesnt stop clicking at me i swear im gonna click him into the next dimension

this bitch is keeping me in a WAREHOUSE??? didnt your mother teach you how to treat a lady smh

OH DID THIS BITCH TAKE MY MEMORIESS AGAIN I SWEAR

this woman sounding like the Joker by talking about society like get your clown ass away from me im not batman

lady im sorry your partner died but i literally barely remember that incident because SOMEONE took my memory so why tf am i here i mean i understand that youre trauma dumping but find a better outlet, sis <3

oh heres bitchass mcgee in the corner okay lemme at him

"you bounced back though, didn't you?" okay untie me and then say that to my face

AAGHHHH NOW ITS BEEN REVEALED THAT SAKI'S HER DAUGHTER IM AAAFDHGADDFGDHFGSDHHFHDGFGHDH PLEASE LET THEM BE A FAMILY AGAIN THEY ALL DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINESS

YEAHHHH WOOOOO KATSUKI COME IN AND KICK SOME ASS WITH ME love how this violence will hopefully bring us together <3

AAAHHH i didn't think i'd be in the notes!!! tysm ily <333333 !!!!!! i wanna draw this lady now sjfhdg i have a mental image of her already

okay time for ch 28 hgskdghasghsdf

these two bitches with one needle trying to beat us like just accept defeat, sweaty <3

OH SHIT WAIT HER QUIRK UH OH

YEAHHHH LEMME KICK THE DOCTORS STUPID HOE ASS WOOO

YESSSEESRESDSED A SOLID PUNCH TO THE FACE HELL EYAH

i should go back and take his wallet and socks; wallet bc it's funny and i can give it to the police and socks bc then he'll be very unconfrotable and thatll ALSO be funny

this lady has rabies or something omg

"YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME" "I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE" HDF KSHGHDJFHGSDKG PLEASE THAT TOOK ME OUT GHGJFSDHFHGK

bitch stop playing with me like im a puppet this isn't some wack version of coraline where youre the other mother okay put me down i'll bite you

when i said to put me down i did NOT mean like that

YEAHHH WOOOHOOOO IM A BADASS what a power couple omg

AAAHHHHGHH YES this friendship with eijirou is EVERYTHING

mother and father, please give me my child back immediately :) (threat)

YESSS GO OFF SIS THEY DID LIE TO YOU!!!! GO OFF!!!! QUEEN SHIT

YES uncle ei awwwww my HEART omg

kissed sunsets awwwww PLEASE thats so cute

the fact that he kept everything where is was, like the SNEAKERS, im,,,, my heart hurts he missed yn so muchAND TH EBOOK AND THE MUG AND THE NOTES HNMNGMHNFHMNHMFNNFH IM IN PAIN!!! ABSOLUTE AGONY!!!!!!!!!

OH AND THE PITCURE FRAME ON THE PILLOW I AM GOIGN TO WEEP AND SOB AND CRY

YES YES YES THEYRE A FAMILY AGAIN YE S S RSSE

HE GOT THE WHOLE NURSERY READY OMG PELA SEGREREKFVDHSGKDJSG SOBBIGN AN D SCREAMIGN

HE HAD THE RING ON HIM THE WHOEL TIME IM

HMNGHGNMGNHM LOSING YM MIND THEY MEAN :(((( SO MUCH TO ME :(((((( THEIR LITTLE FAMILIY IS SO IMPORTANT I LOVE THEM

amazing job AS ALWAYS this had me absolutely captivated omg <33333

[southernbell91]

Some Secrets are Better Left Dead Chapter 4

Warnings: Language, Drinking, Stalking?

Day of the Charity Concert

  Several hours before the event Wade showed up with our tickets and a few words of wisdom, this wasn’t my first time going to an event for an assignment like this, but this was my first time going in with the intention of exposing the most connected man in the United States.    

   Dean arrived shortly before it was time to leave, he looked nice in his “monkey suit” as he called it, a royal blue tux with royal blue tie that matched my simple off the shoulder a-line style dress in the same color. We matched just enough to look like we belonged but should be able to blend in enough not to draw too much attention.Tonight we weren’t going in reporters, simply New yorkers with connections  I needed Tony or his friends to talk to me and be comfortable, the minute anyone says reporter people tend to change their tune.    

  A limo rolled up in front of my apartment building 30 minutes before the event, Dean had used the company card to rent it to help us look the part. Sliding in he started in on his overprotective editor speech.  

    “Do what you gotta do tonight, but try to stick close ok? Don’t go leaving with no one, I may not see the story here but that doesn’t make Stark any less dangerous.”     

   “I know I know” I conceded. Checking my purse to ensure I didn’t forget anything. “Do you have a game plan going in?” He asked eyeing me curiously, he could sense the nerves building in me.   “Yeah, kinda. Find out what I can about anyone around Stark tonight or Mrs.Potts. I’m keeping an eye out for the Redhead too, I wanna know what her deal is in all this.” I added Showing Dean the Picture of the mystery woman on my phone along with a few other frequent flyers. He nodded looking at the images.

   The limo doors opened when we arrived at the venue, Dean slid out then held his hand for me to follow. Making our way in we handed our tickets to the attendant, were escorted through the security check then led inside with a large crowd of people. The hall itself was massive, huge banners adorned the walls displaying the names of the Schools the event would benefit, there was a huge stage dead center at the end of the room. The wall to the right of the stage sported a large open bar with more than a dozen bartenders working to make the patrons drinks, tables littered the floor for people to sit and listen to the music being played, all performances by the schools represented today. Waiters and waitresses circled the area passing out flutes of sparkly drinks and tiny foods, luckily Dean and I agreed to eat before so as to not let our hunger distract us.

     An hour into the event our mingling was well underway, I had been talking to notorious brain surgeon Dr.Stephen Strange when the crowd suddenly frenzied around us. Tony Stark was in the building.

   I couldn’t see much when Stark entered the party, the crowd around him simply too large, at some point I lost dean in the chaos and decided to make my way to the bar to collect my thoughts and figure out my next move.    

      Drinking down most of my Jack and coke, I turned to examine the room and see if I could find my in when I felt the hairs on my neck prickle up.     

      I was being watched.  

    I subtly took another sip of my drink and began to slowly scan the room, trying to appear to be looking for someone. When my eyes landed on the long dark haired man across the room from me I froze, despite the large amount of people between the two of us it was obvious I was his focus. Even from this distance I could tell he had strong facial features, I recognized him as one of the frequent flyers in Tony’s circle, continuing my scan I realized he was standing just to the left of Stark and his growing groupies.    

      Dean was on the other side of the group, talking to an African American man, I knocked back the rest of my drink and made my way towards the pair. Painfully aware of the eyes following me as I crossed the hall. Coming closer to dean I noticed the man he was speaking to’s posture screamed military, so it made sense Dean would gravitate to him, his father was a former Marine.    

     “There you are” I Greeted Dean as I approached. 

            “I was worried you took off on me.” I added giving him a playful slap on the arm, that Whiskey making me a little more playful than I intended.       

        “Never” Dean said quickly. “Just chatting with my new friend here” he gestured towards the man. “Layla, this is Sam Wilson he’s former Air Force and a VA Counselor who specializes in PTSD. Sam, this is my associate Layla James.”

  “Pleasure to meet you ma’am” he said smiling, as we shook hands, his slight southern accent noticeable.  

       I smiled back and greeted him “Nice to meet you as well Mr.Wilson.”

     “Please, Sam.” he commented.  

      After a few moments of small talk we moved the conversation to a nearby table and the guys started sharing stories, apparently both had lived in Washington DC for a time and had some shared life experiences there. I half listened as I scanned the room still trying to find my in with Stark, starting to worry this night would be a bust when my eyes landed on a pair of bright blue ones watching me once again, this time from two tables over. The mystery man was watching me, making me feel what I imagine prey feels like when being hunted by a wolf.       

     Another man, Colonel James Rhodes joined our table after some time, I knew this man, he was on my frequent flyers list with Tony for these events and one of his closest friends. I started listening to the conversation a little closer taking lots of mental notes, trying to ignore the feeling of the mystery man’s eyes on me. Colonel Rhodes was telling us a supposedly funny story about delivering a tank to some palace in the middle east when  our conversations were interrupted by a unmistakable loud voice.   

    “There you two are!” Tony Boomed, clapping his hand down on James shoulder.  “I was starting to think they kicked you out of this little shindig for being too boring” He joked. 

  Rhodes shrugged him off and we all chuckled at his little jab. My laugh, slightly louder than necessary, caught stark’s attention, he shot a look over to me his infamous smile adorning his face.

     Noticing his friends weren’t alone he gestured towards myself and Dean and ask his friends “And what do we have here?” reaching a hand out to me first he introduced himself. “Tony Stark, and you are?” He asked giving me his classic Stark smile.

“Layla James, Mr Stark. It’s an honour to meet you” I greeted returning his bright smile.

  “Oh Please, call me Tony. Mr Stark was my father” he corrected. Then gave a small semblance of attention to Dean seated to my left as they exchanged pleasantries his focus never fully leaving me. A few more jokes, and a couple rounds of drinks courtesy of Tony later it seems his whole group had made their way to our table. I was listening intently to tony who was seated between Dean and Sam Wilson, when I glanced up and noticed leaning on the wall just a foot or two down from our table was the mystery man from before, watching. His stare so intense it made heat rise up the back of my neck and goosebumps cover my arms, im not sure what his fascination was but Im not sure I wanted to find out. Dean noticed the sudden attention that was on me and instinctively put his arm over the back of my chair, leaning into me slightly, if I hadn’t witnessed it with my own two eyes I wouldn’t have seen the mystery man tense slightly at the display, his jaw clenching for a moment.   

     After another 45 minutes of light conversation, my mystery man never leaving his post on the wall, even after he was visited by Tony’s mystery redhead on more than one occasion, I decided to excuse myself to the restroom. Tony had bought another round of drinks and I was starting to feel it’s effects. Stumbling through the crowd, I grabbed a quiche of some sort off a passing tray in hopes of soaking up some of the alcohol I had consumed. I was at the end of a small line to get into the ladies room, playing on my phone while I waited, making notes to look into the new people whom I met tonight Colonel Rhodes and Sam Wilson plus anything I could find on the mystery man. Nothing. The line moved quickly and made way into the restroom to handle my business. My head was swimming slightly so I didn’t even notice the silence in the room until I left my stall and saw I was alone, almost. Leaning on the counter waiting for me to walk out was the redheaded woman from before, she was watching me just like the man. “Hi” i greeted weakly as I began washing my hands, trying not to overthink or pay her much attention. Something didn’t feel right. Finally as I was drying my hands she spoke.  

 “What’s your deal?” She asked Bluntly

“Excuse me?” i asked confused, internally I was freaking out, externally I held my composure, mostly.

 “I said, What. Is. Your. Deal?” she asked again emphasizing each word, talking to me like I was a child or stupid.  That shifted my mood quickly, one thing I can’t stand is being talked down to. Even when I was a child the case workers and therapists talked to me like I was too stupid to understand anything. Im not stupid.    

      I stared at her a moment. “Im sorry, I don’t think I understand what you mean” I replied, glancing at the door, there was no way I could just bolt, I don’t know why but I had the feeling she was more than capable of stopping me. She raised her eyebrow at me clearly understanding my train of thought, then sighed, uncrossing her arms taking a step towards me, I took a defensive step back. It had been a minute since the last time I got into a fight, but im sure if needed it would be like riding a bike, a very violent bike.  

  “Your accent isn’t from here, most likely Midwestern, Clearly you didn’t grow up around here nor did you go to any of these schools, the guy your with sounds southern so same for him. No ring so not married, body language when you sit with him screams professional so co-worker or boss, not Boyfriend, although there is something there I think just not mutual. I’ve been to over a dozen of these charity events over the last few years and have never seen you, and trust me I would remember. It’s my Job. Your dress is nice, name brand even but is tattered slightly at some of the seams. Worn. Which means you’re obviously not part of the Socialite scene, you have a great rack but your not showing it off and wearing entirely not enough make up to be a gold digger so I repeat. What’s your deal?”     I stared frozen, she made me, and I honestly had no idea what to say to her. I took a shaky breath ready to lie out of my ass, at that moment though a brunette woman burst through the door, interrupting our stare down.     “C’mon” she said to the redhead. “We’re clearing out, heading back to the tower.” She said barely acknowledging my existence. The Redhead nodded then turned to me almost as if she wanted to say something before the brunette barked “Now”         They left and I took a second to compose myself before following shortly behind them. When I hit the hall I saw the mystery man waiting at the opening near the bar, he called the redhead “Nat” grabbed her arm and pulled her aside and started arguing in what I believe was Russian.  I only caught one quick look at them both, both returning my look,before i made my way to Dean who was waiting near the entrance, saying goodbye to Sam and James we made our way out to the limo without a word. Once seated I told him everything that happened. Pulling up in front of my apartment Dean agreed, something about things were off and there might be a story. He extended my deadline giving me a month to find the story.

    Boy what have I gotten myself into?

Mystery mans’s POV     I started watching her the moment we hit the room, I couldn’t explain it there was just something about her presence that drew me in. I clearly wasn’t the only one, the Surgeon she was talking to when we walked in seemed mesmerized by the brunette haired woman before him, that blue dress complimenting her beautiful complexion nicely. Oh boy, this wasn’t going to end well.   I crossed the room fairly quickly as our group split up upon arrival, trying to put some room between me and the mystery woman. Picking my spot on a wall I settled in scanning the room constantly for any sign of threat, some habits die hard I suppose. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a blue blur make it’s way to the bar across from me, she ordered a drink and started her own scan of the room. To be honest she looked a little out of place in a room like this, not dressed like one of Starks typical whores, no, she looked more like she should be in a Library not at this stuffy shindig. My staring got carried away and before I knew it I was caught.      

Shit.

    Once she made her way across the room to who I can only assume was her date, who happened to be talking to my comrade Sam Wilson I shifted trying to keep an eye on her. I was busted though, not by the mystery woman though, but Natasha. I should have known she would be lurking, one of the only people who can sneak up on me.   “What do you want Romanoff?” I asked lowly, not even bothering to turn to look at her. Continuing to scan the room.

“I want you to get your head out of your ass and focus” she snapped.

My attention jerked to her momentarily before continuing my scan.

“I don’t know what you’re getting at, but I suggest you butt out” I responded showing no emotion to the redhead. I knew she could see through that though, somehow she always did.

“Im just saying Barnes, we have a job to do and Im not here to babysit just because some skirt has you forgetting the job.”

“Whatever” I huffed, “Just find Hill and finish the transaction so we can get out of here” I said dismissing her, returning my attention to the mystery woman.

   When the jackass she was with put his arm around her it took everything in me not to rip that arm off for touching her. What was happening to me? Natasha returned once the transaction was complete to let me know we were in the clear, she returned once more to bring me a drink, not that it really did any good but helped me look the part I suppose.

  After a few too many drinks the mystery woman headed towards the bathroom, I was mesmerized by her grace despite the amount of alcohol Tony kept giving her and her friend, she seemed to glide through the crowd avoiding a few advances of some of the lonlier patrons, but not missing the passing food tray. Making me chuckle to myself.

 Did she ignore the men on purpose or was she that oblivious to her pull?

When I saw a streak of bright red headed in the same direction a few minutes later I pushed off the wall and headed that way.

  What the hell are you up to Romanoff, i thought to myself.

   The hall to the bathrooms was nearly empty so I stopped at the end of the bar, refilling my drink to wait until one of the women emerged. A few minutes later maria hill approached me, she was rounding up the crew. Finally, I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I told her Nat was in the bathroom and that I would finish my drink and be on my way, the second Nat emerged from the hall I called for her and pulled her aside.

“Nat!”

“Chto za chert?”(What the Hell?) I hissed at her in russian.

“Kakiye? YA sledoval za dogadkoy.” (What? I was following a Hunch) She answered back.

 Both of us turning to look at the woman as she passed us quickly making her way to her friend.

“Ty sobirayesh'sya ostavit' yeye v adu, Ty menya slyshish'?” (you’re going to leave her the hell alone, do you hear me?) I practically growled at her, making our way towards our people.

“Bez raznitsy” (Whatever) She said as she rolled her eyes and removed her arm from my grip, she would probably have some bruises tomorrow.

As we made our way out I scanned for the woman one more time but she was gone, I needed to find out more info about her, it was going to be a long night. 

(AN: I Used Google to Translate to Russian so if it’s wrong I apologize!) 

Tags: @lancetuckershairgel​   @stuck-y-together​   @buckmesideways22​         @eurynome827​  @book-dragon-13​   @marvelous-meggi​  @spacemansam​ @cametobuyplums​  @loricameback​   @collinsstanharbour​   @marvelgirl7​ @jewelofwinter​ @jobean12-blog​   @sebastiansloserclub​

[comicteaparty]

June 20th-June 26th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from June 20th, 2020 to June 26th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is something you’re just not very good at right now writing and/or drawing in general?

Deo101 [Millennium]

mysteries. 100% I can not write mysteries!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ears

Deo101 [Millennium]

the connection between legs and torso. No not hips, I can draw hips fine, but like the movement aspect of it

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Action scenes. Orchestrating fights or big motions on the page... it doesn’t come naturally to me! I have to look at a lot of reference to see how other artists do it. Impact shapes, speed lines, anything to convey movement...

But I am slowly building a vocabulary of... fight shapes? I’m calling them fight shapes, haha

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I feel that

Your feeling I feel deeply

"visual library" is a term that comes to mind

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Composition. I just talked about this earlier today, but.... yup. Composition is my bane.

Mitzi (Trophallaxis)

I'd like to get better at writing in general. I have a lot of trouble verbalizing things I see in my head, and so I gotta rely on images and thumbnails to get any idea across, sometimes. otherwise im a windbag and use 5000 words to say 0-1 things, lmao

carcarchu

I have trouble writing simply. I always want to embellish, add extra details, more characters and make everything more complicated and i worry it ends up making things unnecessarily convoluted

Drawing-wise i hate drawing hands

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The legit thing I am worse at writing is fucking

Deo101 [Millennium]

omg

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

essays to convince people to hire me

Deo101 [Millennium]

OH OKAY

WAY TO CUT IT OFF

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

YEAH

Mitzi (Trophallaxis)

OH

carcarchu

let her finish deo

Mitzi (Trophallaxis)

comedic timing at its finest

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

omg

I was very confused for a sec(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

but seriously like speaking of filling gaps this is what I'm legit struggling most with right now so any help much appreciated

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

raises hand

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I need to write a personal statement and every time I sit down to edit I want to die

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I volunteer as tribute

writing is basically the only thing I'm really good at

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It's not the writing I hate

It's the writing about me

carcarchu

is that the thing where you have to write in 3rd person? like those blurb things on people's websites?(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It just feel so gross whoring out my deeply held passions and struggles for a spot in med school

No I'm talking about college essays lmao sorry for derailing

The blurb things are an interesting topic though!

Have you guys writtent those before and does anyone actually like writing them?

carcarchu

i had to write a blurb about myself for my university's website and yeah it was uncomfy

lemme see if i can find it

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I HATE writing those

because I just start like, "Crona J. is an artist and writer from Chicago......." And I have no idea how to continue

Deo101 [Millennium]

god yeah even just writing a profile or about me is hard enough!!!

I'm always like "deo - 22 - she/her - illustrator - webcomic author - student" and then i leave it

thats it thats all you get

depending on the platform i MIGHT put bi - disabled and thats it!!!!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yeah

half of the stuff I write doesn't even feel relevant to the audience either

who cares that I have been drawing since I was 12 lol?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Mate I don't even write those. My bio is like "UCSD" "Read my comic"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

hahaha

Deo101 [Millennium]

I also always feel like when I see "ive been drawing since I was 5!" I kinda think like... well everyone has been -_- like this doesnt tell me anything, how long have you been an aspiring pro, how long have you been studying art...? that tells me more

so I never put that kind of stuff in my biod either

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yeah, and also, I didn't go to prestigious school, so I don't even include my college

and I only have one comic project so far, just under a chapter

so what do I write?

Not that important an issue, but irksome nonetheless

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I don't include my school because it's prestigious, I include it because it's not an art college

Deo101 [Millennium]

owch

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I want fellow stem-y yet artsy people from my school to recognize me as one of them(edited)

DEO stop interupptung me at the worst points!!

Deo101 [Millennium]

i love jumping to conclusions. so no.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

If it's a bio where I can talk about the comics, I try to spotlight a few tropes/genres that'll catch the eye of potential readers. Not a full-fledged summary, just a quick hit of If You Like These Words, You'll Probably Like Reading It. ("Fantasy, comedy, shapeshifters, PTSD, time travel, cats")

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And if it's gonna be personal, same deal with bits of personal info -- not trying to be a Comprehensive Biography, just pulling a few details that are relatable connection points

The problem with "I've always wanted to be a writer/artist/cartoonist" isn't just how generic it is, the problem is also the vibe of "here's my thing, your role in this is to support me"

Whereas if you say something like "I like drawing cute girls and writing fantasy," the response can be "oh hey, I like seeing cute girls and reading fantasy, tell me more!"

Or if you go with "Sailor Moon fan, will put extra cheese on everything," people can go "cool, that's relatable, we can like Sailor Moon and cheese together." It gets at your shared investment in a fun thing, it's not about expecting them to be personally invested in you

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think perhaps the most fundamental thing is "you can't please everyone." I've never liked the 'random food related weird tidbit tacked on' thing because it feels too try-hardish to me, but I understand for other people, it's not a matter of trying too hard and is genuinely how they just talk.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Oh definitely, you hold out for a bio that connects with everyone and you'll never get it done

AntiBunny

Personally I'm not great at drawing cars. It's why all my cars early on in the comic were side view only, and old blocky looking things. It was all I could do. I've been getting better by using references.

Every so often I buy a little hotweels or matchbox car when I'm buying groceries. I aim for realistic ones based on real vehicles, especially utility vehicles like ice cream trucks, ambulances, fire trucks, and whatnot you'd see every day in a city. I keep a little box of them on my desk, so if the scene calls for a car to be visible, I have a reference that can help me get all the curves and angles right.

Sure beats drawing from memory, but also practice time in the sketchbook with them is a necessity.

Now crowd scenes are beginning to be my bane. Not because they're hard to draw, just because they're time consuming.

Suddenly I realize why old episodes of Sailor Moon has cities with people free sidewalks and empty streets.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's a great idea, gathering the model cars! I should do that for a future comic.

kayotics

I also struggle with cars so, uh, my comic takes place in fantasy 1700-1800s

But also horses are bad too

Cars and horses! They suck

Deo101 [Millennium]

do what I did and make up an easier animal to draw than a horse ;)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Vehicles in general. Should just put everyone on roller blades and be done with it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'd lov that tbh

kayotics

I’ve considered making something other than horses......

Deo101 [Millennium]

I highly encourage it, the people love it and also so does my brain

kayotics

Or else lean into them being ugly

Deo101 [Millennium]

heres the trick about horses though they look really weird and as small as you make their legs, when you think "this is way too thin..." youre wrong and their ankles are probably smaller than that

kayotics

The thing that gets me is their faces

Deo101 [Millennium]

... mask

kayotics

Hahaha

I should just make deer the normal mode of transport

Deo101 [Millennium]

that would be really cute tbh

kayotics

I love deer and they’re cute

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just exaggerate them to the point where it looks like a style choice

Your people already have unrealistic proportions

Why not the horses too

kayotics

That’s how I draw buildings tbh because I hate buildings

Deo101 [Millennium]

I also gave horses dog mouths, maybe do something like that? someone can be like "horses dont look like that?" and as long as youre consistent you can say "they do in this world!!!"

kayotics

Oh god no that’s like a devil creature

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah they look horrible but its fun

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I legit remember saying that to you deo lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

ive had dog horse for years you didnt give me this

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Not the they look horrible part

kayotics

I’ve already got beasts, I don’t need horses to look WORSE than they did

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Bwah I remember

Time to archive dig(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I love dog horse

kayotics

Honestly it’s good but they scare me

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah... maybe instead give them cat mouths

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

https://discordapp.com/channels/472908933045026827/634081658018070549/688589449562423422

wait omg this is the message that led to your first dm to me lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

is it??? omg i think it is... historical moment

dog horse brings us together

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Another point to convince kay to draw uncanny animals!

Deo101 [Millennium]

what I do to make birds fun to draw is making them sparkly

maybe try that

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

god you're gonna ruin kay's carefully crafted aesthetic

is this your competitiveness showing its face again(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

they can make it work! why do you doubt their abilities

make this the main mode of transport

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ah is that how it works in that case i have 10 shitty indie game ideas

make them pls

Deo101 [Millennium]

implying my ideas are shitty??? rude!

kayotics

I have an aesthetic?

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Or if you want to be very efficient, everyone in universe can teleport

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lmao you have an excellent aesthetic

crona

i do that already

kayotics

Crona.... that’s my comic already!! Haha

Deo101 [Millennium]

kay does also have teleporting to be clear

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

don't underestimate my laziness!

Deo101 [Millennium]

LMAO

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

See

It must be great advice

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

oh crap you're right kay also does have teleporting

and unrealistic beasts, to be fair

kayotics

Sometimes on the same page

That’s the eyes I draw on the beasts

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Or be even lazier, and make it so that horses and beasts either don't exist or haven't been domesticated in that region. Everyone walks. Their feet hurt, but their calves are glorious.

Deo101 [Millennium]

you get it

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

wait crona and deo also have comics where teleportation could exist

will you join us?

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

lol, yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

nope

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

(nah, I've already drawn horses. They're not so bad if you stare at photos)

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

drawing horses is fun!!

[multiple people are typing]

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

And there will also be hella walking, because the leg game must be strong, otherwise I'm not doing my job

Deo101 [Millennium]

ive decided that millennium is like really in the future but things like time travel, teleportation, warp speed... nope! You can go really fast in a spaceship but like nothin crazy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

man these planets real close together then

or maybe people just live a really long time ...?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I just do my version of teleporting which is "wow it'll take a week to get there" and then its a week later

dont worry about it

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

nice

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not realistic, but its consistent

🌈ERROR404 🌈

ahhhh horses are really nice to draw imo, if i can get it right lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

I like drawing horses a lot I just never do it tbh

🌈ERROR404 🌈

something needs to fuel my addiction to cowboy culture

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Consistency is key tbh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I just do my version of teleporting which is "wow it'll take a week to get there" and then its a week later

when my whole comic takes place in like a week lmao

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

if you decide that gravity doesn't exist in your world, as log as you're consistent with it, you're golden

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

in the unlikely event i get tired of drawing my comic i can adopt deo's strat "wow it'll take a week to get to the ending"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

My comic takes place in about a year (not counting flashbacks which span... uh... a very long time)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

"man sure seems like this conflict will take approximately a week to be resolved" "one week later"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

hahaha

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

"sure did get resolved"

the end

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

convenient

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i wonder if anyone's done that

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One Korean series I followed for years did it

and everyone was pissed, as you can imagine

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

better than cancellation?

Deo101 [Millennium]

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

what a way to go

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'd honestly have preferred cancellation/ abandonment

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Just have a fan finish it for you at that rate lmao

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

OH that's a good discussion topic. If you got tired of your comic, or life got in the the way of you working on it anymore, how would you end it as quickly as possible?

Deo101 [Millennium]

maybe rephrase that a little

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I would toss it at my little sis, and she would do it for me, no joke

Deo101 [Millennium]

My little sister also would probably take over it for me

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

let's move to general?

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

eyyy!

Deo101 [Millennium]

but also I could just be like "They got an email that john died of old age its over now"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

MVP sisters!

lol

an email

what a way to end it

eliushi [Keyspace]

For me it’s panels. Past me thought that the four panel structure would make things easy. Nope. It’s limiting how I want to tell the story so... I’m trying to branch out now and looking for other inspirations for panel and layout

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Just change the shape of your panels. It forces you to be creative.

eliushi [Keyspace]

True true! I have those in upcoming updates

But my heart swoons for the page spreads

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

oh yes

They are so gorgeous, but difficult to plan

eliushi [Keyspace]

Initially I was planning on storyboards but now I’m more comfortable with comics I think I’ll be aiming for traditional layouts

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, storyboards are an entirely different beast

Desnik

I'm currently working on clearly portraying character motivation

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I think for me I don't draw animals often and rip have to draw a few for the upcoming pages so I'm just doing my best at this point lol

AntiBunny

Panel arrangement is the heart of comics as an art form. It takes practice, and study to learn how the eye flows from one thing to the next.

And once you have a thorough understanding of the rules you can learn how to carefully break them to produce something truly eye catching.

If I had to say the simplest rule to understanding flow is, if you need arrows to tell you which direction to read, then you're doing something wrong.

DanitheCarutor

This is candy for my self-deprecating mentality. Lol Honestly though. I'm not the best at writing in general, I don't like doing it physically, avoiding it at all cost (outside of dialogue and poorly done bullet points on scrap paper.) so I don't really know if/think I'm particularly good at it. I remember the last time I tried to physically write something was back in high school, I still have it saved on my computer, but it was something else. Too many dialogue scenes and overly detailed descriptions of things and characters. I only made it a little ways before giving up with "You know, this will be easier to just show than describe.". Story and character wise for my current comic, I'm not sure how well it's turning out or how good it will be in the end, my brain defaults my work to mediocre so I tend to be totally blind to what I'm doing right. I know my characters aren't the best for sure since they're all fleshy flaw bags with too many flaws, and I know I could have presented certain scene changes and such better, but that's all I can think of objectively. The art portion is something I at least know I can execute decently, but my color composition is the worst. I'm aware that I need to improve it, and I know what needs to be done, but it's something I can't really accomplish with my comic since I just want to focus on finishing pages. I'll have to make time to draw up some throw-away illustrations to experiment with, which I hope to have a little bit of now that I'm not on a regular update schedule. Also I can't draw vehicles and architecture for the life of me, I've referenced and studied but I still can't wrap my head around it. ALSO extreme angles and perspectives are still things I need work on, like 4-point circular perspective, ground level shots and over the head shots.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There's a lot of things I want to improve, but something I haven't seen mentioned yet: I would like to get better at deciphering feedback, how to glean useful things from multiple conflicting feedback.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Ooh that's a good one keii

I haven't really had to deal with that before though because all the negative feedback I've gotten is pretty consistent

Can I ask what the conflicting feedback you got is?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Oh gosh, I legit spent a long, long moment trying to figure out where to even start

eliushi [Keyspace]

I really like this approach to feedback

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Yo Eli this is so good

eliushi [Keyspace]

Mary robinette is goals

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

this is spectacular already

wow

eliushi [Keyspace]

Pretty sure a wiser writer passed this onto me I have since used it a lot and it works for me

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

This is so so good Perfectly said about crits in creative fields

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One example I can think of isn't actually something that was criticized, but showed up a lot in various ways: "this is (supposed to be) an exciting adventure romp centering Danbi" vs "this is an emotional journey story centering Ethan" ... Not a criticism, but two very conflicting interpretations. People who have one interpretation are shocked and confused when I tell them about the other one.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Holy crap, Eli... This is one for the folder of absolute knowledge

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

woah, excellent advice

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

And yeah, that is a really good one. Symptoms are extremely useful, and diagnoses tend to be more useful in a conversation rather than a one-way "here is my diagnosis" thing

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I haven't heard it said before but the explaining eliminating a clean reaction rings so true to me

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Ahhh, this is literally the one document I have needed my entire life

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

also the helping someone tell the story they want

also the stream of consiousness, MAn

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I think I'll save that for my future high schoolers lol

some of the stuff said there is what I've noticed in the last few years critquing in academic settings but its nice to kno!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

People have given me stream of consciousness reactions before and they were the most helpful. Almost all the changes in the story from others' reactions were from stream of consciousness reactions, not intentional critiques

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, one of the most helpful "critique" I ever got was also completely unintentional

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

One of the most useful tips in this guide for me in particular is the "As a writer don't:" section. I struggle with it a lot.

On the note of things we are bad at in the comic-making process, I am very bad at taking critiques!(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

tbh for a long time, my biggest struggling point that's not in the "as a writer don't:" is "don't throw yourself into the void of self-hate." I'm better now, but boy, when it was bad, it was bad.

But perhaps that kinda thing better fits into "as a person don't:"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I am pretty good at taking critiques, but pretty bad at giving critiques! Right now the point I'm at is I'm just gonna not give critiques until I'm more mature

But then after I decided that an amateur writer friend told me his story idea that I not only disliked but was sort of offended by

and I really wanted to tell him but I didn't know how to do it nicely...

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

ooof

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

oh no

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yeah, that's really tough

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip I tend to do kinda a sandwich method. I had to say some rough things few days ago on a practice pitch run and I pretty much said

Deo101 [Millennium]

Uh oh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

"Your idea is developing for sure, but I think you need to reconsider some of the world building choices you done. Have you thought of researching such and such."

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

That's basically what I said

But I think I had to say "research ffs" in increasing intensity like 3 times lol

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh, nice, the "let's give them compliments too so that they know I'm not just being mean" method

It's a good method tbh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Rip it's not that like

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Deo might have something to say about this but it was about schizophrenics in a mental institution being portrayed in a real weird way by someone who didn't know anything about it(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Ooof

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ah man

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

ewww

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'll always stand by "asking people who've lived what you're writing about is the best form of research and can't be replaced"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Yeah I would said the to the person consider researching more on the topic and interview folks who have schizophrenia

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Dude I brought you up lmao

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

and also like "is there a reason you want to depict it this way?"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

oooh

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I know I'm agreeing idk... Idk what else I'd have to say on the topic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's a very good question to ask someone

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

and depending on their responses, I would just put my two scents in there that rip

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I always ask "what are your goals?" Before I ask anything else

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

critiques are kinda my strong point sinc eLMAO I do em all the time in my class

and teaching so yeah LOL

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Deo I mean I brought you up to this guy like saying "my friend messaged people online and they were super willing to talk to her you could do that"

Deo101 [Millennium]

OHHHHH gotcha

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I try my best to figure out what they want out of it and just deliever with some handful of suggestions

but I won't sugarcoat it unless you're a high school student or younger lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I'm often told I'm a lil too harsh but like idk

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I wouldn't say sugar coating it per say... More just telling them what their strengths are too, so that they have an idea of where they're at

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

telling someone their strengths is just as useful as telling them their flaws

that way they can highlight them

like just because you story has no flaws doesn't mean it's good right?

gotta have stuff that stands out in a good way as well

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Someone once phrased it as "Let's list everything that's wrong here, and find out how we can fix them" vs "How do we take this to the next level?" and that really resonated with me. It's not about sugarcoating; it's more about helping them get to the next level in the direction they wanna go.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

THIS

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I try to point out things that are going well, and I usually try to only point at things that ppl can work on immediately

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I should phrase my statement more clearly. But yeah Kei that's what I usually look for when critiquing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There's often no need to tell them "your writing is only at level 3, and that's bad because the max level is 99." Just tell them how to get to level 4.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I dont' see it like its something bad but something that is challenging to them at the time

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Unless they have extremely unrealistic expectations or whatever that are standing in their own way

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

just have to figure out how to get out of the hump

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Yep. I see this phenomenon in animation a lot. A good animation director will help you boost your existing work to something stronger, but still yours. A bad one will tell you to do it their way, and chide you for doing it ‘wrong.’

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip I know a person like that and lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yessssss

That's why I always ask "what are your goals" to start

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yup

🌈ERROR404 🌈

I totally agree!!!! A LOT of the most important bits of great criticism is understanding exactly where the original creator was intending to go, and formatting your statements around helping them achieve that!!!!!!!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Critiques are impossible if you don't know what the person is trying to achieve

🌈ERROR404 🌈

Just stating things that you would change if you were making it may seem useful and relevant to you the critic, but unless the creator is headed the exact same direction as you, they have just as much reason to invalidate the entire statement as they do to nit pick out the things they care to agree with

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Sometimes a prospective critic is simply too far removed from the target audience of the work, like on a fundamental level, and it makes it impossible to give them useful feedback. I think it's important to acknowledge that this can happen. It happens to me a lot and I just decline to give crits when it does.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, like don't ask me to critique a comic about sports lmao

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I agree on that notion, esepcially when seeing professional aritsts giving crits to folks starting out but it doesn't go as er ideal as they thought it would be

Deo101 [Millennium]

That's why I usually only seek out criticsm (for more than just general direction/advice) from people who's work I like

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I remember reading advice on getting beta readers, and it’s really REALLY important that they’re excited for your stuff. They want to make it better. They care. They can give critique, but they absolutely must be jazzed about your subject matter in some way, or else it’ll be a slog for everyone.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for me, I have my peers who I contact daily and we give each other advice, tips

despite having er difference interests in fields, but we experienced a lot in our program lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes... (Speaking of if anyone wanted to beta read my next comic uhhhh let me know id love to have u)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

very good point claire

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

100 percent agree Get people who are excited and know your vision

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I have a small group of writer friends who know all my goals and a lot of my stuff? So they make a very good little critique circle, and we all help eachother

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm always ready to beta read if it's a concept I enjoy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

like people who critique comics they hate. I'm like, damn, tough work but also ?? why

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

(Be careful about people who are excited about what they think is your vision.............)

Deo101 [Millennium]

Fish is this a callout for me

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

slightly?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ahsjfkdjdkskdjdjdj

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Keii I experienced the oppisisite like rip

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it's just mystifying to me, I don't think it's wrong or anything

Deo101 [Millennium]

Also crona I'll send u when I'm at my comp

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

sure

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

What do you mean Tuyetnhi?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Ohh that would be oof to deal with Kei

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I had to let a person down to reality bc I know they're excited about their idea but uhhhh

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

(Is it the fish romance?)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it wasn't engaging to me

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes that one qjdjfkskdkk

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

nor my illustration friends

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I don’t have beta readers but I think that’s how it all goes lol

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

and we were like

"AAAAAAA"

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh that's awkward

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Ooooooohhhhhhh... oof

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I have a couple friends I send pages to sometimes but they're always really positive about it

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

It was a rough critique

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Having creative friend circles is so essential for growth and screaming at eachothers works for motivation too

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yessss

Also just the ability to talk about your process without having to explain yourself

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

agreed lol

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I occasionally tap my fiance's shoulder and shove my sketches in his face with zero context, just to make sure he can figure out what's going on without me explaining. Super helpful

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I feel like I have a couple friends where, when I read their stuff, I know things that would amp their work up tenfold. But until they ask me... I’m screaming inside lol

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

my friend always makes me feel like i'm a better writer than i am because she thinks so much like me she gets everything i write perfectly lol. But then I post and the comments are like "wtf i'm confused"(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah feedback is most effective when both sides are open and invested

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Claire Senpai Wants To Help

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

also same crona(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

It’s not bad, I just go I THINK I CAN HELP YOU MAKE IT AWESOMER AHHHHHH

eliushi [Keyspace]

Claire senpaiiii

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

But until then I remain still and supportive

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

why don't you ask them "can i suggest things?"

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I try and keep my mouth shut

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

or "do you want suggestions?"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

lol

eliushi [Keyspace]

I usually say what I like about it first and then. Are you looking for feedback?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Tbh hearing "can I suggest things?" Usually comes off kinda like "I see stuff wrong with this :)" which can hurt a little even then

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

YEeeeah

🌈ERROR404 🌈

At least for my comic, i have sent bits and pieces for critique from creators i am friends with , but i'm really hesitant promoting myself because I don't feel like I'm not at a place to even get a critique i'll be able to make anything of. O(--( i really don't know what I'd do if someone tried to seriously analyze my plot and break down the story right now

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's really hard, because a lot of people (myself included) get scared when someone else asks, "Do you need help?"

Deo101 [Millennium]

I usually trust ppl to say whether they're looking for feedback

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Its always so tricky to gague the reactions of that. Some people handle that better than others So i only offer when they open up

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Based on how people can get about even the offer of critique, yeah, I tend not to say anything. That’s their baby. If they want to open that door, then I’ll poke my head in

eliushi [Keyspace]

True too. I’m already in forums where feedback is wanted so I’m already in selection bias

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, I like to only offer crits if someone is asking for it for that reason

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

for the record i'm always open to critiques

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

kinda mutal agreement on don't chime in unless asked lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, at least in my groups we send things like "hey this and this are bothering me? Can you help?" And other than that it's just support

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, that's a good idea

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for both parties. For me, If it's something that I need thoughts I ask but otherwise, lmao my social circles ask me for help for their art stuff

Deo101 [Millennium]

We never agreed on that btw it's just kinda how it goes

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

That's a nice group way to handle that AND make the space more breathable for others who are more nervous about crit work

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

exactly

eliushi [Keyspace]

There’s a time and place for everything and feedback is no different

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah! Like here we have seperate chats for help and sharing

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yuss

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

When someone asks me if I'm open to suggestions, my reaction is usually "nOOoooOo..." but not always. I think it helps a ton if there's an existing rapport, like if I already know this person gets, REALLY gets, my work.

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

And that's okay Keii!

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah I’m super thankful for my betas for that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yee same

eliushi [Keyspace]

It’s very rewarding when people are also invested in your work to make it better within your means and style

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Honestly u gotta do whats best for u and ur mindset in the end.

Deo101 [Millennium]

It also is a little but awkward to say "no I'm not open to suggestions' cause it feels like you're saying "I don't care to improve" when in reality it's more like "no... I'm happy with this and I don't want it to be soured"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I love the fact that if I post in #creator_art_share, nobody will critique me unless I ask. And if I post in #art_help, I can get that help. So incredibly nice

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Yes! Thats very respectful

eliushi [Keyspace]

So key

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Omg Deo.....such a mood LOL

Deo101 [Millennium]

I always feel so bad saying no thanks but it's like it looked good I thought

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

omg, I felt that in my soul

We beat ourselves up enough as it is

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Sometimes i know my work can be farty but... I dont also want perfection in every facet of my pieces too and thats okay! Some are learning pieces, others more indulgent

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I think I'd be very hesitant to accept ideas that will utterly break my core plot... unless someone comes out and outright tells me something about it is offensive or wrong or otherwise bad. But critique on the connective tissue between the bones, so to speak, heck yes. I've gotten some much better ideas from that.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

e.e even if i post in art share i would be honored to receive a critique from any of you

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Oh, if someone comes to me with suggestions that are that incompatible with my vision, I'm getting outta there.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

but i don't wanna post every single thing i do in art help hm

but maybe i should

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am SO getting outta there.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I did had some suggestions that didn't... really help with my comic most of it are just comments and not pure criticism

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Just post it lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah it's probably best to leave crit in the crit section so as not to break that unspoken rule.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

To signal to the rest of us

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Yea your vision is key, and i find that people who crit the work need a basic understanding of it for it to be a True Crit

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Yeah it's probably best to leave crit in the crit section so as not to break that unspoken rule.

good point

i wouldn't want people critiquing me to make others feel like it's okay to do that to everyone

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

A good attitude!!! Y'all are very respectable this is a wonderful topic

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeee

eliushi [Keyspace]

I think the best feedback is one where it makes your work become more effective within your vision. Sometimes it’s finding the betas who are invested but I also find betas who focus on different crafts also can offer a lot of wisdom. I find it comes down to being open and it’s never a bad thing to ask for clarification

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

[also writes this down for a potential lesson actvity for high schoolers] (edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, a critique is supposed to help the work become a better version of itself, not a better [something else]

Deo101 [Millennium]

Mostly with true beta reading I am looking for "how clear is my work coming off to someone who knows nothing of my lore and backstory etc?"

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I like the idea of having at least one beta reader who's a writer, and at least one who's not. The writer can dissect things a bit more than a 'civilian' could while the civilian can look at surface-level things and react as the audience majority might.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

multiple beta readers are a blessing lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

Cause with my friends, they already know everything I'm planning, so i worry a lot that they are putting together things that a regular reader wouldn't

So yeah same thing as a "civilian" reader, sort of!

eliushi [Keyspace]

For sure. Within my critique group I have novelists, webcomic creators and artists. Those who read the complete script and those who haven’t. It’s important to have all sides I find

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Dang you people with your luxury of multiple beta readers... I don't even have one (but it's mostly my fault; my scripts are unreadable)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

omg lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i'm sure you could use many of us as beta readers if you wanted to!

varethane

that surface-level 'first gut reaction' crit can be SO useful

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I change dialogue too frequently for a beta reader to have a fair chance, lol

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I started early with one years ago, but now I have like 5-10ish but they can't help me at the same time lmao

varethane

I agree upthread with when it was said that some of the most helpful crit was given unintentionally lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

same. i asked some people, including deo and crona, for a beta read of a script a while back but then ended up changing most of it lol(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

Most of my betas I found in forums like these! I’m sure a lot of us want to help each other out!

Deo101 [Millennium]

I usually only share stuff once I have at least a solid sketch and dialogue is in

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

so much changes in the thumbnail/layout stage for me. SO MUCH. whole scenes get swapped/cut/extended

I never keep it the same way

Deo101 [Millennium]

I don't like to share scripts cause also I don't usually script much anyways lol

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) As a long-time reader of HoK, I would be more than happy to beta read if you ever wanted it. Just throwing that out there!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

same Lazuli like

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I'd love to beta read for anyone too

varethane

I prefer sharing sketched pages because my scripts usually change SO much in between being written and going onto the page

like, sometimes they're outright unrecognizable

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@Deo101 [Millennium] Same. The couple times I really wasn't unsure about a scene, I had to find someone and give them cleaned up thumbnails

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I don't share more than sketched pages with dialogue

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

SUPER cleaned up thumbnails

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

from thumbnail to final, like they aren't the same from before lmao

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Most helpful critique for me was just someone engaging with the story. "Man I love - and -, they're such good friends, but - pisses me the fuck off" and that was my intention, but i realized it was coming on a bit stronger than i liked and changed the next scene dramatically to make a future plot point where the last character needs to be trusted feel more earned(edited)

varethane

(anyone who seriously is down for beta reading, I have 3 finished chapters burning a hole in my buffer hhnnnnggggg)

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah cause also like, 80% of the crit is usually "well this paneling is unclear" kind of stuff too

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

also i don't mind if anyone is asking me to beta read

Deo101 [Millennium]

Which you can't do from a script anyways

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

or (I don't usually do this often but)

I'm also a sensitivity beta reader too

so if you have questions about POC stuff, asian-american, er mixed-asian or mixed-black experiences

I'm willing to help lmao

but i'm just one perspective to the table

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

A lot of comments, not critiques, have influenced scenes I put later too. Things to clarify, expand, emphasize. I take every comment like that as an idea. I love knowing what the readers hope to learn.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I’m in the midst of a 180k plus word count novel beta and alphaing a couple works but once that’s all done, happy to take a look too

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

holy

Deo101 [Millennium]

Wowie

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Getting trustful beta readers i gotta say again is so important bc sometimes when asking for some, u run into betas that are there to just exploit that privilege too (tho rare) And!!!! Be respectful of ur betas on the other side of the spectrum

Deo101 [Millennium]

Exploit how?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

like to read your work early?

eliushi [Keyspace]

Definitely pick your betas wisely

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Usually just the free ride of Knowing the Story or the opportunity to just Constantly Crit (non helpful) bc of personal reasons

Deo101 [Millennium]

Damn

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I'm imagining having someone sneak in as a beta and reveal they're a rabid toxic fan trying to influence the plot to their liking. As an absolute worst scenario

Deo101 [Millennium]

Spooky

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Yea.... There's def ppl out there that would do that THOUGH RARE again. I think that's more of like Competition in the field or spite? But ive heard it happening and its not cool

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

like people just looking for a free ticket to complain about your work?

i can see that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Oh yeah, I had folks like that before

after that I'm just like "thank you for your time" and block them after LMAO

Deo101 [Millennium]

That sucks :(

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

hhhhhhh

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Yea And u can always tell a sincere crit from a one that comes from a place of malice and ill intent pretty easy.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Exactly

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

oof

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Still!!! A horrible experience

Deo101 [Millennium]

:< yeah

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah.. I've never had anything like that happen, but wow... that's a terrifying notion

eliushi [Keyspace]

You tend to want to know your betas more than just them being a reader too. I like to think my betas are my friends and it’s a two way street where I help them too

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Some betas sign papers of confidentiality to avoid these instances of people running off with ur work too

eliushi [Keyspace]

There are paid betas but that’s business side and yeah Krispy

Deo101 [Millennium]

/stress

eliushi [Keyspace]

I don’t have them for mine

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Its scary bc we're all so small and our work is mainly for free U have to be wary of this

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I could easily see myself getting sucked into a bad situation like that I trust people too easily sometimes

but ugh... ya gotta learn

eliushi [Keyspace]

It’s good to know the risks. That being said, I think the rewards of having a good beta far exceed the bad apples. You have to set good boundaries

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Not that any of yall would do this omgjghg

Deo101 [Millennium]

Same Claire ajdjdnsdjjjdjdjdjddj

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

gonna steal all y'alls IDEAS

eliushi [Keyspace]

It’s also totally valid to say, hey something came up and I can’t beta anymore

Key is communication

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao ya gotta kill me for my ideas

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Isossn Watch out for that Claire lady

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

https://tenor.com/view/laugh-giggle-mutley-dick-dastardly-snicker-gif-5552702

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Omg Eli yesssSSSSS that!!! Is important for both creator and beta to have that communication

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh no, my precious ideas!!!

Deo101 [Millennium]

Eh even if u steal my ideas you can never steal my characterizations!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

just steal everything and make a horrible hodgepodge of all of our webcomics, like some sick frankenstein's monster

Deo101 [Millennium]

I don't think my ideas are the best part of my stories anyways :P

Ahsjdjfjdjfjdjfjdififiididkfkdje Frankensteins webcomic

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

my ideas are relevant to my cultural background so I'm like lmao

eliushi [Keyspace]

I learned from my novel days that ideas are dime and dozen and it’s the execution that counts(edited)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I would actually love that tbh

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Oh no id read it tho XD

Deo101 [Millennium]

Massive crossover event

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

YES

PLEASE

eliushi [Keyspace]

Super smash bros when

varethane

lmao

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

hahaha

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I really want people going into healthcare to critique my personal statement, but I won't send it to anyone because I've legitimately heard of people stealing others' personal statements and getting both people rejected

Deo101 [Millennium]

Wow

eliushi [Keyspace]

That’s scary and unfortunate

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ooof

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it's almost worse than stealing a story idea because you're stealing like

someone's life story??

or their personality??

it's extremely strange to me

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah that's ??????

eliushi [Keyspace]

I would consider having a mentor look over your statement but that’s veering off creator babble territory

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

oh i am doing that and very very thankful to them

Deo101 [Millennium]

Good suggestion and good point

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

After recently seeing a whole comic style/theme completely and obviously lifted from another one... yeah, the things that make your comic yours? They can absolutely be stolen whole-cloth

It's scary

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

oh no

god what even is the fun in that??

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I don't know. I really don't.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

you know what i want to spend years doing? telling a story that's already been told, except worse!

varethane

D:

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've had someone steal designs before

varethane

dpsofasdj I am so curious about these cases now aaahhh

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ppl do steal stuff. But what sucks for them is I'm the one with a brain and I can make new things

eliushi [Keyspace]

I’ve seen similar styles but have not seen a purposeful recreation of another’s style whether as impersonation or plagiarism

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

i just read a webtoon that was "inspired" by an anime with many ideas from anime too

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

It was a case where I always thought the two looked surprisingly similar, but then... yeah, you learn more things and you go AW GOD OKAY

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

this, and offensive stuff, is a case where i think unsolicited critique is 100% okay

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, though then it's the line of "is it offensive just to me? Or overall?"

Though I guess saying "this offended me" isn't horrible or whatever

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i think of the trend of lgbt youtubers making videos making fun of anti-lgbt crap and that's a case where i'm like yeah! pile on!

You have a good point and there are cases where something is almost objectively offensive

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, and then there are other cases where ppl are offended by how I've decided to have no homophobia where it's like "okay sure but I'm not doing anything wrong"

But yeah there are definitely times where it's like "no that's bad for sure and I'm allowed to be critical of and mad about it"

I also think there's a difference between criticizing mass media and criticizing independent media

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Wait What what omg???? Thats???? So backwards

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

well, here's an anti-critique. it offends me when someone says that being lgbt must be hard and sad all the time!

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah! I'd agree with that LOL

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

can I just be happy

as a bi woman

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

"IT'S NOT LIKE MY LIFE THEREFORE IT'S INACCURATE"

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ahdjfjskfkdkckskfksdksk yeah

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

So true tho!!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

God, I hate that argument

Deo101 [Millennium]

Though I do think that its worth it to open yourself up to that kind of critique to potentially reach the people who do need your story

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

Yes def agree

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

True true

If there's a blind spot you're missing, then for sure

Deo101 [Millennium]

Well, I was meaning more like "you can't please everyone, but that shouldn't stop you from trying your best anyways!"

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Ah! also true

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like not necessarily blind spots, but more like. Some people will be mad no matter what sorta thing

Yee

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so tru

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Yeah for sure. I've tried to cover my bases on certain things in my own work, but I'm sure if it ever gets bigger, someone will be unhappy about something.

I'm not ready for that day, but... maybe it'll come

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah. Like I said I had someone get mad at me for not having homophobia

Where it's like... Okay stop reading then cause this isn't the story for you

Actually my friends replied to then and they did kinda turn around on their thinking, I think, so that was nice!

There's something I'm bad at for the question, is replying to my comments

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh? :0

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

okay sometimes i've said to my friends "yo weird ass comment, right?" and they've gone and defended me like way extra hard

i'm always grateful but also a little (edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same. .

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

too mch man

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah it's like Thank you but

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I do have some weird comments but the ones that I just kinda trying to offend me

I don't look at it till after a few months and respond to them calmly lmao

no point for me to just get rilied up for someone trying to get on my nerves but rip that's probably just me and how I deal with that stuff in irl too

I don't let my friends go after bozos lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah for me I just like. Try really hard to be diplomatic, I guess? But it takes a lot of energy

When what I WANT to say is "lol read another comic then" or something but I try to think of a way to be nice

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yee I understand on that. for me I'm just say it as it is if at's the moment but for more heated comments I address them after a few months lol

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I haven't gotten any weird randos yet apart from... one legendary one But things are always calmer on your own site far away from Tapas/Webtoons

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I agree on that but lmao

I did had one angry commenter going agro for few of my pages

and I looked at it and I was like "Oh worm man"

they were just reacting to my characters being shit LMAO

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

OH WORM MAN

very good

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I ignore it tbh. I recently had someone comment "All lives matter" at the end of my comic because I included "Black lives matter" at the end. And I honestly knew i didn't have the mental fortitude to explain to them why that was so rude and missing the point.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lol my mom is saying that stuff and i'm just like :|

okay mother

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I guess for writing for me, now thinking about it is that

on the prompt: I don't respond quick and I'm not really active much on interaction but I want to try more

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I haven't gotten any weird randos yet apart from... one legendary one But things are always calmer on your own site far away from Tapas/Webtoons

I really haven't either though! Just a few people saying mildly :| things, no hate or anything. Wt is not always as scary as its reputation

or maybe i'm in the eye of the hurricane idk

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

lol

I have had mostly good experiences too

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've had mostly good too!

I know I complain a lot but really I'm just salty and that's just a few bad things here and there

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The comment I was thinking about earlier was just an innaccurate interpretation of characters' feelings. They thought some people had a romantic history. I wasn't going to respond but my friend went all "if you actually read the comic you would see th- " and I was thinking omg tone it down a bit

Deo101 [Millennium]

Bajsjdjekdjdkdjd

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

never underestimate the Friend Army

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I had a reader I didn't know defend me in the comments once. The original commenter was complaining about the length of my updates, and the other reader started railing on them. It was powerful lmao. I didn't even need to say anything

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh! same

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've had some ppl defend me or explain for me and it's like. Idk a special kind of magic ahahahah

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh for sure! It feels magical to know that some of your readers passionately love your work

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Update-length complainers are so cathartic to smack down. Not that I've done it, I just... like seeing it

You're getting a free comic. Made by a human with a life. Chill

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

All my comments are normal where are my weirdos

boogeymadam

someone take some of my weirdos, my comic attracts them

but not really because i accidentally gave claire one of my weirdos and i feel Sooooo bad

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

i feel im still a long way off from getting anyone with my comic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

weirdos are contagious apparently

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You don't have to be popular to get a weirdo

Sometimes like... you could have 1 regular commenter and that person is a weirdo

or not even a commenter, you show your work to a RL friend before posting it online, and the friend takes off their mask dramatically, and reveals their True Identity as a professional weirdo

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

for real, i was posting on SJ and had all of like a dozen followers and one guy went through and heavily critiqued a ton of my pages

Like technical stuff like paneling and flow of action?

Also said my female lead looks like a man and my animation was nauseating lol

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

heh well after i do this current update im working on, i'll be scraping how ive been doing updates and following some tutorials i finally found

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I like critique but even so that guy was :|

boogeymadam

omg noooo sorry that happened fish! D: unsolicited critics are some of the worst

DanitheCarutor

I guess that is the one thing I've been lucky with. I actually don't mind unsolicited critique, but I've never gotten any outside of one time someone corrected my character's grammar in the comments. Commentary like that is way more welcome than the occasional anonymous hate comment, and malicious article calling me a fetishist, which is all entertaining in its own way but not as easy to deal with. Now that critique is brought up I'm reminded that I need to work on how I respond to it. Like, I actually get kind of excited when someone takes the time to break down my stuff (even if it totally misses the mark with what I'm trying to accomplish), but I end up responding with a novel and sometimes it's worded in a way that sounds like I'm upset. I need to get better at keeping it short and sweet.

Feather J. Fern

I raise my hand to say I can't draw hands for the life of me still after praticing for a long time. I used all the techiques, tricks, and still my hands are just butts.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

make a universe where people have butts for hands

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is a really minor one and thankfully easy to correct after publishing, but: my ESL-ness shows sometimes, especially with prepositions and articles. My English isn't terrible; there's just some occasional "wait did they mean 'on' where they put 'in'..." That's on the surface level. I also can't do that 'just write the dialog and see how the characters bounce off each other' thing in English. I hadn't thought much about that until I started writing a story in Korean, and I was surprised how much easier it was to get flowin' with the dialog. I'm not toooo concerned about this one, as Get Flowin' is just one way of writing a scene. But it is a thing.

Feather J. Fern

Eightfish stop calling me out that I can draw butts better than hands okay(edited)

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

feather have fun drawing the gluteus maximus

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I see nothing wrong here

Moral_Gutpunch

I'm bettign most people here can draw hands better than me.(edited)

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

S’okay, my hand drawing is pretty bad

Feet is...also an issue

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

The best reference is the one attached to you, I always say

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

or make your so pose for you

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yes

That

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

looks back at comic and sees lots of guy characters with slender palms MHMMMM

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha

Lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ahahha i have the same problem

some guys have thick ass fingers when i look at them closely omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, everyone has pretty thin fingers in mine, because I have thin fingers(edited)

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Okay yeah not gonna lie I HAVE made my SO pose for me. Several times.

Oh yeah don’t forget

Guys can have hairy knuckles too

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I have had my SO pose his hands retroactively for me, imitating a panel I did And I was screaming inside LOL

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

this stuff makes me :00

Deo101 [Millennium]

I have hairy knucles and my hands are bigger than my dads

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Ughhhh, that's too much detail for me, Shadow

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Yoslslzlzrhlzxzzkhzhlztututs funnily enough my SO’s hands and mine are of similar length

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For such a small person, I have really long fingers

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

reminded me of a convo i had with some friends

they sent a reference and said they thought it was unrealistic because of how much the tendons stick out

and i said, no, that's how mine look

and it was interesting seeing the differences

Deo101 [Millennium]

everyone share hands

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, especially since your fingers are stretched, the tendons stick out lol(edited)

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Someone told me I have piano fingers

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

like i always think of my hands as the 'default,' because I see them the most but really there is much variation

deo has nice hands

look elegant

shadows hands look a lot like the rest of her :0

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Whhhhhhhhh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

tall librarian

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

GJOXJPSLZLJZDXKXYOF

Yeah true XD

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

My nails are super long rn

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Holy shit the manicures

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I did it myself

Deo101 [Millennium]

thank U i have lovely hands that are big as fuck, and I can use as a ruler

because my pinky and thumb can stretch out exactly 10 inches

this cup is 10 inches tall

youre welcome

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I have stubby baby hands as well as double jointed fingers, so I'm very aware my hands aren't "average" looking. Yet if I don't pay attention, I tend to draw hands kind of like mine

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahahaha, Deo!!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

wow so useful i should measure my hands

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Me too tbh

Deo101 [Millennium]

I atually suggest it it comes in handy (ha) more than youd think

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i found a joint that measures exactly 1 inch and i use it so much

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah!!!

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Whoooooa

Mine goes 8 inches

Deo101 [Millennium]

my hands are fookin hyuge bro

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Wait

8.5

YEAH YOURS ARE GIANT

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

exactly 8 inches

omg your hands are huge

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Mine stretch out to just under 7.5 inches

Deo101 [Millennium]

in yalls defense I also have ehlers danlos so theyre probably stretching more than yours too

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I have smol hands because I am smol

Deo101 [Millennium]

tiney

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yus

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

surprised shadow managed to find a way to measure in inches haha

Deo101 [Millennium]

she said it wrong its actually 8.5 cm

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

8.5 inches

I used a ruler

In cm it’s 21

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

she said it wrong its actually 8.5 cm

hm maybe that's why she thinks hands are hard to draw

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

LMHfhgzmzjKfhl

Deo101 [Millennium]

because she has tiny baby hands and can barely hold the pencil... yes

its all coming together

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

I will slap y’all with my tiny baby doll hands

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i'm learning so much about you all today

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Now you see my pain

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

o h wait do you play music crona?

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Uh... Not really. I've messed around on the piano, and failed at playing the French horn

Deo101 [Millennium]

LMAO

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Playing instruments is hard for smol hands

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

rip

Feather J. Fern

My tiny hands compared to my pen XD

Also I took the picture close up and at an angle so not cone cna make fun of my writsts which are narrower than my computer mouse

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

my wrists are also narrower than my mouse, and my mouse is pretty small

Deo101 [Millennium]

mine's about the same as my mouse

Feather J. Fern

Yeah I got a pretty small mouse too, I been told by people to eat more becuase of my wrists (It's an Asian thing apparently) and I'm like "First of all rude, second of all my health is not any of your concern random lady on the street"

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Tiny wrist solidarity!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Solidarity!

varethane

I don't have especially thin wrists but my hands are lowkey shaped pretty oddly. I only posted a photo of my hand petting a cat to FB and got a lot of comments like 'cute cat but what's with that hand????'

(it did look pretty weird from that angle. Like a noodle with a couple of noodlefingers at the end)

spacerocketbunny

Oh no Vare ;;;;;3;;;;;;;;;

[takerfoxx]

IM Swiftly Descending Darkness, Chapter 7

Down.

Deep down, down, down.

Down into the dark. Down into the cold. Down into the place devoid of light, devoid of kindness, devoid of hope.

Down into the place of pain. Down into the place of despair. Down into the place from which there is no escape, the place set aside for those of the blackest of souls, of the darkest of hearts.

Down into the prison set in the furthest reaches of existence, down into the place intended to swallow the progenitors of evil and suffering, down into the place of Judgment.

Down into the dark.

Down into the cold.

Down into chains.

And then…a face. A pale, beautiful face, framed by long hair so dark that it melts into the darkness that frames it. It is not the face of a man or a women, but of an ethereal creature whose beauty defies gender, defies mortality, defies humanity.

But it is a cruel beauty, to be feared rather than desired. It is beautiful like a wildfire is beautiful, like a hurricane is beautiful, like a black hole is beautiful, and so much more destructive, so much more malicious.

Its eyes are closed, though not in sleep, but in waiting.

Its eyes are closed, but its mouth is moving, curling up into a poisonous smile.

Rumia’s eyes snapped open.

The view she was greeted with was at once familiar, yet alien. The wooden slats of a slightly slanted wooden roof were above her. She knew those slats, every single line and nick and knot. She saw them when she went to bed and they were the first thing that greeted her when she woke up.

And yet she couldn’t stop staring at them. No, that wasn’t right. They shouldn’t be there; she shouldn’t be there! She ought to be seeing…

Darkness.

Rumia’s right eye twitched.

Cold.

No, she was home! She was in the Aoki Yume’s Children’s Home, the only home she had ever known! This was normal!

Chains.

Then why did it look so unfamiliar? Why did she feel so out of place?

“Rumia?”

Rumia turned her head toward the voice. She was greeted by a nut-brown, heart-shaped face, one with large, dark eyes and shiny black hair that hung over one shoulder in a tightly knotted ponytail.

Once again she was struck by a wave of recognition and confusion. Who is this person? whispered one part of her mind.

What do you mean? answered another. It’s Melissa Garcia! You see her every day!

“Estas despierto!” Melissa said excitedly, which was something neither part of Rumia understood. “Oh, gracias a Jesús!” Then she cleared her throat and said slowly, “Are you all right?”

Rumia didn’t answer. She just stared.

“Rumia?” Melissa waved her hand in front of Rumia’s face. Her dark eyes frowned in concern. “Can you…Can you hear me?”

Rumia opened her mouth to respond. “Who are…” Then she stopped. No, wait, that wasn’t right. “Melissa,” she said. “What happened?”

Before Melissa could answer, someone groaned in discomfort and confusion.

As Melissa ran over to see to the person in question, Rumia struggled to put her thoughts in order. What the hell had happened? They had been…okay, there was the fight at the market, that much she remembered pretty well. And after that had been flying lessons. And then-

The spider’s long, gaunt face stretched as it opened its mouth wide. Inside was a black pit, filled with row after row of quivering teeth.

Rumia shivered. Right. The spiders. The kidnapping. The forest-

The slender creature turned its faceless visage toward her. It reached out with one stick-thin limb, as long as Miss Mokou was tall.

Rumia covered her face. No, please. Make it stop.

Eiko lay upon the table, her torso split wide open. The spiders were feasting upon her innards, ripping away chunks of meat and offal with their teeth. Her face was still visible, the pale flesh now splattered with her own blood, the eyes plucked right from the sockets and yet still managing to convey the terror and pain she had been feeling in her final moments.

No, no, no, no!

The spider had them, had ensnared their legs. It was dragging them back, pulling them to their deaths.

And then…and then…

What had happened then?

She had vague memories of something explicably twisted, something to do with…skeletons? Skeletons and sand? It had been horrible, that much she was certain of, but try as she might, she couldn’t recall more than a few fleeting images.

Rumia struggled to sit up. She was in the sick room, where kids who fell ill or were injured were kept to recover, as well as to prevent diseases from spreading. It was a small room surrounded by cabinets, with several sleeping mats spread on the ground. She was lying on one of the sleeping mats, with others around her. She saw Haruko and Hayate, still unmoving and unresponsive. Kana was there too, looking even more unwell than usual. Keine seemed to be sleeping unsoundly, if the way her closed eyes and jaw was tightening up and her face shone with sweat.

Kohta, however, had also woken up. He had been the one groaning, and was now sitting up as well, with Melissa kneeling next to him.

“Ugh,” he said as he rubbed his forehead. “What…where…”

“Sick room,” Melissa told him. “Um, are you all right?”

Kohta squinted at her. “Who…what…?”

Melissa swallowed. “It is me. Melissa Garcia. Do you not know me?”

“Melissa?” Kohta blinked his eyes several times and shook his head. “Oh, right. Melissa. Hi.”

“Hello. Are you…” Melissa reached over to touch his shoulder.

Kohta violently recoiled. “Don’t touch me!”

Melissa quickly withdrew her hand. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t,” Kohta repeated. “Just don’t touch me. Don’t.”

“Um…” Melissa’s eyes flicked from Kohta to Rumia to find them both glaring at her. “Er, okay?” She nervously licked her lips. “Are you…okay?”

Neither Rumia nor Kohta said anything.

“Right.” Melissa stood up. “I will go get Miss Satoko then.”

She hurried from the room, leaving the two of them sitting together in silence.

…

Joshua sat on the edge of his bed, bowed head in his hands. His lips moved silently but fervently, in time with the prayer he had been repeating in his head and heart over and over ever since that night in the Youkai Forest.

Lord, grant me strength. Please. I don’t know what to do. I need your guidance now. Jesus, please.

It had been three days since the children had been taken by the spiders. Three days since he had plunged into the forest alone in hopes of finding them. Three days since he had seen the cruelty suffered by poor Eiko on her last day. Three days since he had been thoroughly reminded of the stark evil that prowled his new home’s darkest corners.

Three days since he had seen his friend Fujiwara no Mokou for what she really was.

Joshua had seen and even done his share of things that he would like to forget, and that night was filled with more than its fair share. But nothing would ever compare to those few minutes, when he had sat by himself in the middle of the scorched remains of the spider’s lair, Eiko’s butchered body sitting in a filthy sack next to him, hands covering his ears as he tried not to hear what Mokou was doing to those spiders.

Please! Mercy, I beseech yah!

But no matter how hard he pressed his palms to his ears, no matter how loudly he prayed, he could never shut out their screams, nor the cold, pitiless sound of Mokou’s voice.

Mercy? You have the gall to beg me for mercy? Did you show mercy to that girl? Tell me: when she screamed, did you laugh? When she cried, did it make you feel powerful? When she stopped moving, were you disappointed that your fun was over?

No! I’m sorry, we wun’t do it again, I-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

And then the smell of burning flesh, already hanging thick along with the stench of ash and rot, had suddenly grown.

I can go as slow or as fast as you like. I can break, I can pop, and I can burn. Slow cook or searing flame, whatever I choose. And if you don’t want me to start getting creative, you’re going to tell me everything I want to know. You do that, and I’ll simply turn you all into to ashes so you can resurrect good as new later. One quick flash-fire, and it’ll all be over. Or I can draw this out. Your choice.

Yes! Yes! Questions! Ask yah questions, I’ll tell yah everything!

Tears had dripped down Joshua’s face then, just as they were in the present. Crouching by himself in the forest or sitting safe and sound on his bed, it made no difference. The sounds of agony and the reek of death were just as fresh.

Good. Now, word has reached me that this whole endeavor wasn’t even your idea. Not at first, at least. You were put up to this, by a Human from the Human Village, weren’t you?

At this, Joshua had stopped shaking and praying. And though he knew that he probably ought not to, he had removed his hands from his ears and listened.

Yes! Yes! Summin from dere! Came tah us, ‘e did. Sayin’ ‘e would pay us tah go aftah dah orphans! Said ‘e would t-t-take out dey deffinses, dey charms an’ shit!

Take out their defenses? Someone had really gone out of their way to stir up evil youkai against the children and had promised to leave them helpless? And it had been another Human?

Who? Who was it? What did they look like?

I dunno! Never saw ‘em face!

Oh, that is not the answer you should have given me.

No! I swear, I dun’t-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

The sounds of the spider’s had screams mixed with a burning hiss.

I swear, I swear, please no more. Never saw ‘is face. Wore a big ol’ cloak, ‘e did. Short fella, kinda chunky. Stank o’ fear. Squeaky voice.

Joshua stood up and made for the door.

Hmmm, well, that’s not exactly a whole lot to go on. Gotta do better than that.

Dat’s all I know! Dat’s all!

He made his way through the hall and down the stairs.

You know, I think your burnt bits are distracting you. Making it hard to remember. You think if I take those hands off it’ll jog your memory?

No! I swear, dat’s all I ‘ave!

To the front door and out onto the porch.

Well, if you say so. I guess we’re done here.

Yes! Yes, please! End it!

As you wish. Hey, you know how there’s actually a couple kind of fire that you can’t recover from? That’ll burn your body so completely that those meager magics holding it together won’t be able to stitch you up?

Down the steps, onto the front path, and into the grassy lawn.

You ain’t no Dragon! YOU AIN’T NO DRAGON!

No, I’m not. Dragonfire is unfortunately in short supply around here. But I got the next best thing.

The…The Phoenix’s Daughter! Yer dah Phoenix’s Daughter! NO, PLEASE! PLE-AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

The now-dead spider’s final screams still echoing in his ears, Joshua found Mokou out in the field. She was walking all along the perimeter fence and slapping paper charms to the posts.

Upon their return, one of the first things Mokou had done was go out and inspect all of the magical wards they had set up around the estate. It had been just as they feared. All the charms had been sabotaged, rendered powerless. Which meant that even if Kana hadn’t accidentally blown herself and the others past the fence, the spiders would have been able to get in anyway. The implications of that were horrifying to think about.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Joshua approached her.

“Um, Mokou?” he said.

“Josh. Good,” Mokou said, giving him only the quickest of glances. “Come and give me a hand here.”

Honestly, at this point Joshua really didn’t want to see what was undoubtedly more bad news, but he went over to her anyway. “Look, I know we haven’t really talked much since, you know, the forest, but-”

“Then talk while you’re helping me,” Mokou said, shoving a handful of charms into his hand. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“What our charms being sabotaged means. What that spider told us means.” Though Mokou didn’t raise her voice, the anger seeping through was palpable. “This wasn’t just some dumbass youkai looking to score a meal growing too bold. This was a set-up. A hit. Eiko was basically assassinated!”

“Assassinated?” Joshua tried to wrap his head around the concept. “But by whom? Who would do something like this?”

At this, Mokou said nothing. She just shot him a meaningful look.

After a beat Joshua said, “You don’t know that for sure.”

“He’s still the number one suspect,” Mokou said.

“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean-”

“I’ve been gone digging up whatever info I could find,” Mokou said as she walked from post to post, sticking pieces of paper onto each one. “And I’ve learned a few things. Nothing conclusive, but enough to point fingers in Skinner’s direction. And you have to admit, it tracks.”

“And if it is him?”

“Well, then my job just got a whole lot simpler.”

Joshua felt the blood leaving his face. “Job?”

“Yeah. Protect the house. Protect the kids. If the reason we’re getting attacked by youkai is also the reason that all the Humans are turning against us, then that means there’s fewer people I gotta go after.”

“Go after,” Joshua repeated. “You mean, like you went after those spiders?”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Mokou said without shame. Her hand squeezed into a fist, crumbling the burnt charms to dust. “Joshua, I know why you came out here to talk to me. I know you saw a side of me you didn’t like. I get that. But understand this: you cannot make me regret what I did to those spiders. It’s not going to happen.”

Just the small reminder of what had happened to those spiders send a shiver up Joshua’s spine. “Yes, but-”

“No,” Mokou said. “No ‘but.’ No arguments. I don’t subscribe to your religion, and I don’t care about your god. I’m sorry you had to be there for that sorry business, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. After what they did to Eiko, they deserved no less. Hell, I’d bet anything that that wasn’t the first kid they did it too either. Or Human. So save your speeches about forgiveness and mercy. I don’t care. And if I have to do the same to Skinner and every single one of his followers to prevent another one of our kids from ending up like Eiko, then so be it. They already tell stories about me. What’s one more?”

“Mokou, no,” Joshua whispered.

Annoyance flashed through Mokou’s maroon eyes. “Joshua,” she said, warning in her voice.

“No,” he said hastily. “I mean, you can’t just go kill everyone connected to him. That’ll just prove his point and set the rest against us. Besides, even if he is to blame, odds are he’s hiding this from his followers. They’re all worked up about youkai, so do you really think he’d tell them that he’s been cutting deals with them?”

“Don’t care,” Mokou said. “They come at us again, then that’s on their heads.” Then she frowned. “Though I guess you have a point. Don’t want to go making any martyrs. That never turns out well.”

Joshua wondered how much personal experience she had with that. “Just please wait until we learn more,” he said. “As for the spiders, well, I know I’m not going to change your mind about that.”

“Good.”

“But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said.

Mokou quirked a silver eyebrow. She leaned up against the fence and waited.

Joshua had been trying to work out how to word his question over and over and had yet to come up with a satisfactory way, so he decided to just say it. “Mokou, who are you?” he said. “Or rather, what are you?”

…

Satoko sat alone in the basement of her family’s orphanage, just her and Eiko Goto’s body.

When Mokou and Joshua had emerged together from the forest with their missing children draped lifelessly over Mokou’s shoulders, Satoko had feared the worst. They had been too late, the children were all dead or dying, and had only been returned to them as corpses.

To her utmost relief, Mokou had assured her that the kids weren’t dead, only unconscious, and they would be waking up in time. Satoko had felt like massive stones were being rolled off her shoulders. They were all right. Despite all the odds against them, their family was still whole, they had survived yet another outside attack.

And then she had noticed that Mokou only had six kids with her when there should have been seven. When Satoko had asked about Eiko, Mokou only looked over to Joshua, who was carrying a filthy burlap sack over one shoulder. And when Satoko had inquired about what was in the sack, Joshua had said nothing; he didn’t need to. The look in his eyes had told her all that she needed to know.

This of course was not the first time that one of the orphans of Aoki Yume’s Children’s Home had died before coming of age. It wasn’t even the first to occur in Satoko’s lifetime. Hell, it wasn’t even the first to be murdered by a youkai. Gensokyo was full of dangers, all of which were especially deadly to children. At the end of a path that led from the back door, sitting nestled in a small grove of pine trees, was their private cemetery. Satoko’s ancestors were all buried there, as were any of the other helpers that had passed away while working at the orphanage. But most of those buried there had headstones bearing two dates that had gaps between them that were altogether too short.

Satoko had had to bury too many during her life. She had buried her parents, her elder sister and her uncle. She had buried Mr. Matsuda, Miss Kyouko, Miss Lillian, and Mrs. Oa. But while all of their deaths had been sad and painful, they had at least all been due to the ravages of age.

Burying Shuna, Kenta, Eru, Tobi, and Kano had hurt so much more.

And now she was going to have to bury Eiko.

And the worst of it was that she shouldn’t have to.

The fingers of Satoko’s right hand slowly squeezed themselves into a fist and uncurled again, only to clench right back up. Mokou had found something. They hadn’t much time to talk, but Mokou had said that there was more to this than a simple youkai attack, that someone had set this up, someone Human.

The number of people who were set against the orphanage was far larger than it had any right to be, but this was beyond the pale. Wasn’t it enough that they had turned their backs on parentless children, that they had driven them away and denied them support, that they now also actively stirred up dark spirits to murder them? And the same dark spirits that the children themselves were accused of trafficking with no less! It was nothing short of monstrous!

At the very least she knew who was ultimately responsible. This had Nathaniel Skinner’s gloved fingerprints all over it.

I should just let Mokou kill him, Satoko thought bitterly. Him, and everyone else listening to him. What were they going to do about it, isolate her family even more than they already were? Keep trying to kill them? That bird had flown.

Then, as she sat in the dimly lit basement with nothing more than a dead child and her own bitter thoughts for company, Satoko heard something.

It was very faint, so faint that she wasn’t sure that she wasn’t imagining it. It was a little like a soft moan of fear, the whimper of a sleeping baby beset by nightmares.

Satoko listened intently. No, her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her. She was hearing it all right. Someone was softly crying to themselves, someone down there with her. It sounded like a little girl.

And it was coming from Eiko’s shroud-covered corpse.

Satoko slowly breathed out. Well, it was happening again. This was to be expected, after all. She had had to prepare many of those who had passed away under her care for burial herself, and dead bodies were unfortunately not as silent as one might hope. Gas got trapped, their insides shifted, and they could sometimes be alarmingly noisy.

Trapped in what? She was mostly eaten! Her stomach, her intestines, and her lungs are all gone!

The muffled weeping was getting a little louder. Satoko remained sitting where she was, staring at the still form on the table.

She had to be imagining things now, because she was quite certain that she just saw something move beneath the shroud.

Satoko slowly rose from her chair and walked over to the body. Her heart was pounding quite loudly now, and her hands had started to tremble.

This is nothing, she told herself. You’re just weary and scared. You haven’t slept well in days. Of course you wouldn’t be all there. Just let it lie.

Instead, she reached down with one hand and gently pulled the shroud away from Eiko’s face.

The whimpering stopped.

When Mokou and Joshua had shown her the remains of Eiko’s body, her face had been completely gone. Her scalp and hair were still in place, but those monsters had ripped away her lips, cheeks, and nose, exposing the skull beneath, which was smiling its red-stained grin back up at Satoko. Her eyes were gone too, no doubt plucked out and swallowed like a pair of grapes.

Satoko had stared a long time at the ghastly visage. She had seen the ravaged remains of children under her care before, and would no doubt do so again before Death claimed her in her turn, but there was something truly disturbing about the carcass now lying before her, something that terrified her. This wasn’t just some cruel turn of fate, this was deliberate cruelty against an innocent, set in motion by those who should have worked to protect her.

This was evil.

However, all of that was gone now. Eiko’s face was once again whole and unharmed. Her eyes were closed, as if in sleep.

Then Satoko gasped. Eiko’s mouth was moving, the plump lips slowly moving up and down, like she was trying to speak.

Satoko stood frozen with fear, staring unblinking as Eiko’s mouth opened ever so slightly and closed again, over and over, like she was trying to tell Satoko something, something important enough to return for from beyond the grave.

Her mouth finally fell open, and out crawled a fat-bodied black spider. It crawled up Eiko’s face, toward her eyes.

Then something knocked loudly on the basement door.

“Miss Satoko!” Melissa’s voice called from the other side. “Venga rápido! They are awake!”

Satoko couldn’t help from crying out in shock as her whole body jolted. Panting, she held a hand to her thundering heart.

The spider was gone. As was Eiko’s face. It was again a ravaged horror, the flesh ripped off, leaving her bloodstained with its rictus grin and hollow eye sockets.

Satoko hastily pulled the sheet back in place and hurried toward the door. Melissa was there, hand still raised to knock.

“Yes!” Satoko said, perhaps a bit too loudly. “Thank you!”

Melissa nodded. She was about to turn to go, but then her gaze shifting to a spot beyond Satoko. “Ah,” she said. “Is that…”

Satoko quickly moved her away from the door and shut it tight. “Don’t look, Melissa. Just leave her be.”

“Okay,” Melissa said hoarsely. “Um, Miss Satoko?”

“Yes?”

“Is it…” Melissa’s brow furrowed, as it often did when she needed to search her mind for the right word. “Regular? No. Expected?”

“Normal?” Satoko suggested.

“Right! Is it normal that Rumia and Kohta would be…angry after waking up?”

“Angry?” Satoko was puzzled. “How do you mean?”

“They seemed…angry. And…a little mean?”

“At you?”

Melissa nodded.

Sighing, Satoko laid a hand on Melissa’s shoulder. “Well, they’ve been through a lot. I imagine they’re still scared and confused, so don’t take it personally.”

“They didn’t look confused,” Melissa said after a pause. “They just looked angry.”

Satoko

…

Joshua had been bracing himself for Mokou’s response the whole time. Would be angry? Take offense? If he pressed too hard, might she even turn violent? He didn’t think so, but then again, he had been learning a lot about her that he could never have previously guessed at.

But instead, she laughed. “Oh wow, you just up and said it,” she said. “Honestly, I thought someone would’ve tried prying that out of me my first week.” Then she thought for a moment, and then amended, “Though I guess a few of the kids got real persistent with their questions, but they’re easy to wave off.”

“I’m serious though,” Joshua pressed. “Mokou, you were dead. I saw that knife bury itself in the back of your head! It went right into your brain.”

“It did,” Mokou said with a nod.

“That should have killed you!”

“It did,” Mokou said again.

“So…why are you alive? How did you get up? Are you a youkai?”

Mokou laughed again. “Well, that’s actually kind of a complicated question.”

That was not the answer Joshua had been hoping for. “How? It’s a yes or a no question!”

“Not really,” Mokou shrugged. “See, the thing you gotta understand is that ‘youkai’ is actually kind of a fluid term. We use it as a catch-all for any magical creature that came out of something that wasn’t, well, magic before, but it kind of encapsulates a whole lot of variety.”

Joshua stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. “I’m listening.”

“Well, see, you got your elemental youkai, you got the ones that come from animals, you got the ones that seem to pop out of whatever odd garbage people left lying around, you got those weirdly specific creeps, you got the ones that I guess come from abstract concepts that I’ve never really been able to figure out, you’ve got your wide variety of spirits.” Mokou drew a finger down the side of her face. “Then you got the ones that come from people. Some of them fall into that whole weirdly specific conditions category, but you also got those that manage to turn themselves into youkai on purpose. A lot of magicians do that. They got a whole ritual for it. In one go, they get eternal life and a new wellspring of magic, so you can see why it’s popular.”

“And is that what you are?”

“Nope.” Mokou straightened up and started walking. Joshua followed her. “I’m something…different.”

“Explain, please.”

The place Mokou led him to was a ring of old logs surrounding a patch of sand, in the middle of which was a smaller ring of stones. On warm summer days they would light a bonfire and all the children would circle around on the logs, listening to someone tell stories.

All the adults took turns as the storyteller, but Joshua and Mokou were the favorites. Joshua would regale the children with stories he had brought with him from the Outside World, as well as those found in the Bible. He wasn’t especially picky too. The saga of Samson was told alongside the journey of Bilbo Baggins. The legend of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves sat comfortably alongside David and Goliath.

Mokou’s tales were of a different sort, ones with fewer heroes and a great many more monsters. She would whisper of bloodthirsty spirits and twisted demons, creatures made up from the bones of the condemned that formed in executioner’s fields or severed heads that crawled about on spider legs, and almost every one of her stories had a bad ending. If Joshua’s stories made the kids laugh and cheer, hers would leave them shivering.

Joshua had a feeling that this particular tale would be no different.

Mokou sat down on the storyteller’s log, with Joshua sitting down on the log next to hers. She held out a hand, flexed her fingers, and a ball of red flame appeared in the air over her palm. A gesture, and it leapt to the ring of stones and filled them with flame, despite there being no wood to feed the fire.

“Wish we had some marshmallows,” Joshua muttered, mostly to himself.

Mokou stared blankly at him. “Some what?”

“Er, sorry. They’re, uh, a kind of campfire snack. Basically puffed up balls of sugar that you’d stick on sticks and roast in the fire.”

“Oh. I see. Outside World thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh,” Mokou said. She shrugged. “Okay. Well, it’s like one of those stories you like to tell the kids. What’d’ya call them again? Fairy…legends? Fairy myths?”

“Oh. Fairytales. Um, we don’t have fairies where I come from, but they show up a lot in really old children’s stories, so we just call old stories about magic fairytales.”

Mokou favored him with a thin smile. “You’re a fool if you think that you don’t have fairies. Or magic for that matter. They’re just not out in the open like they are here.”

“That’s probably true,” Joshua conceded.

Mokou turned her attention back to the fire. “Anyway, how do they start again? Oh right. Once upon a time, there was a terrible princess who lived on the Moon.”

Joshua had readied himself to listen a great deal and speak very little, but already Mokou had made a point that he needed to have clarified. “I’m terribly sorry, but it sounded like you just said that there was a princess who lived on the Moon.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Joshua stared. “And you mean that literally.”

“Obviously.”

“There are people. People who live on the Moon.”

“Yes, lots.” Mokou was starting to sound a little impatient.

“Oh,” Joshua said, still staring. “So they’re aliens then.”

Mokou shrugged. “Well, so are you, and so am I, if you really want to get technical about things. But yes, that would be correct.” A beat passed, and then she said, “You seem perturbed.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that Gensokyo took a long time to get used to. Now there’s aliens from the Moon.”

Mokou sighed. “Fuck, Josh. Get used to it! There is literally a bunch of snobby assholes who live on the fucking Moon! Like, they got a whole city up there and everything! How is that in any way weirder than anything that goes on down here?”

“Not by much,” Joshua admitted. “But even so. This is new.”

Mokou rolled her eyes. “They call themselves Lunarians.”

“Lunarians?”

“Yeah. Because they’re from the Moon.”

“Oh. Well, that’s…” Joshua struggled to put his disorganized thoughts into words. “…sort of basic.”

Mokou pressed her fingertips to her forehead. “We live next to the Youkai Forest, which is a forest full of youkai. To the northeast is the Youkai Mountain, which is a mountain full of, you guessed it, more youkai.”

“Okay, I get it,” Joshua sighed.

“And we’ve been dealing with assholes from the Human Village. Hey, try to guess what kind of place that is, and what most of its population is?”

Joshua held up his palms. “All right, all right. So magical people aren’t exactly the most creative when it comes to names.”

“Can I continue my story please?”

“Go ahead,” Joshua said, motioning to her. “I’m listening.”

Mokou turned her head and spat. “Right. So, once upon a freaking long time ago, there was this spoiled rotten twit of a princess up on the Moon. And she is just the worst. Like, okay, she was far from the firstborn so she’s not getting the throne, but she’s still royalty, so she lives in luxury and privilege, never wants for anything, and yet that’s not enough for her. So she decides that she wants to live forever.”

Joshua blinked. Wow, that was a lot of unexpected vitriol. “Oh. Uh, does she?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it? I mean, the Lunarian royal family is the next best thing to immortal anyway. All this took place centuries ago, and her dad is still running things, but noooooo, that wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to be completely immortal. As if in, actually live forever instead of just a really long time. Recover from any injury, no matter how severe. And if anything did manage to off her, then…who cares? Her body would just rebuild itself, and she’d be good as new! If anything about her was good to begin with.”

“And it…worked?”

Mokou nodded. “She already had some kind of magical gift to sort of…I don’t know, freeze objects in a state of permanence. Like, if she used it on a vase or pot or whatever, then sure, you could smash it, you could chip it, you could grind it into dust, but it would just put itself back together piece by piece, heal all the cracks, and be exactly how it was. Forever. She just figured out a way to apply that power to people.”

“Um…”

“She was friends with the head scientist or whatever. And they managed to brew up a kind of potion from her power that you could drink. And hey presto! Immortal.”

“I guess there’s no point in asking if it worked.”

“If it didn’t, then her dad would have just executed her and saved us all a lot of trouble,” Mokou said with a derisive snort.

That gave Joshua a start. “Execute his own daughter?”

“We’re talking about a rich and arrogant king with like a double-digit number of kids,” Mokou said flatly. “Like, a high double-digit.”

“That’s…huh.” Joshua shook his head. “You know, there once was a time would I would find the story of Moon people turning themselves immortal to be a silly children’s tale, but now it just seems not the least bit implausible.”

“Right? But they didn’t like that for some reason, and gave the two of them the boot. So they went and hid in Japan.”

“How long ago?”

M: =tells him=

Joshua’s mouth fell open. “Mother of God.”

Mokou tossed a stick into her self-sustaining fire. “I doubt it. She never had kids, and even if she did, any offspring to pop out of her would be just as profane as she is.”

Joshua hesitated. As strange as Mokou’s story was, he felt that he had figured out where it was going, and one point in particular was making him uncomfortable. “Mokou, don’t talk of yourself like that. Regardless of what you might have done, that doesn’t make you-”

Mokou made a disgusted noise deep in her throat. “The hell? Josh! I’m not talking about me! I’m not the fucking Moon princess!”

“What? B-But I thought-”

“Good fucking gods, no!” Mokou slapped her palm across her forehead. “This isn’t my story yet, it’s just the background! I wasn’t even born when all that happened.”

“Oh.” Joshua winced with embarrassment. “Um, sorry for assuming.”

Mokou waved his apology off. “Whatever. So yeah, they got kicked off their rock and ended up on ours. And because they weren’t really the kind to think things through, they forgot to bother with the whole ‘laying low thing,’ it didn’t take long for word to get around that there’s a super-hot immortal Moon princess in town, and before they knew it she was the most eligible bachelorette in the land. Men were lining up outside her door, all seeking her hand in marriage.”

“Now this is really starting to sound like a fairytale,” Joshua remarked.

“Well, I’m sure she’s inspired a few of those.”

“Something tells me that you’re not exactly fond of this Moon princess.”

Mokou laughed at that. “What gave it away? The sound of absolutely contempt in my voice, or the way every single one of my muscles clenches tighter than a ferret’s sphincter whenever I mention her?

“Er, all of the above?”

A long silence fell between them. Mokou continued to stare into the fire, her body unmoving, all except for the fingers of her right hand, which clenched and unclenched over and over. “Yeah, I hate her,” she said at last. “Like, a lot.”

“Why?”

Again Mokou fell silent, and Joshua sat and waited.

So far Mokou’s tone while telling her story had been contemptuous, mocking, and irreverent. But when she finally started to speak again, her voice was soft, low, and contemplative. “Once upon a time, there was a little girl born to the prestigious Fujiwara family. Now, this girl loved her family very much. Her father was strong and kind, her mother sweet and gentle, her brothers loving and encouraging and great fun to be around. And her family’s wealth and influence meant that she wanted for very little.” Mokou took a deep breath, and it caught a little in her throat. “But this girl had a problem, one that cast a shadow over her happiness as she grew older. And that was that her family kept dying.”

Mokou stopped talking. Joshua wondered if he ought to say something, to inquire further. But no. This was her story, and he was going to let her tell it at her pace.

“The first to go was her mother,” Mokou said at last. “Thanks to a hereditary wasting disease, this girl watched her grow weaker and weaker every year, slowly breaking down until she couldn’t even leave her bed. Every second she was in constant pain, and could barely drink water without coughing up blood. And her father wasted away with his wife, but in spirit rather than body.”

The fire had started to change. Though it burned on still despite a lack of a fuel source, it was growing lower and darker, and it was producing far more smoke.

Smoke of what? Joshua wondered, but he felt it wise not to ask.

“The next was her brother,” Mokou continued. “You see, the girl’s family had a problem. An enemy. Another prestigious family was actively trying to destroy them?”

“Why?” Joshua had to ask.

Mokou waved off his question. “It doesn’t matter. Something stupid, from before even her father was born, and it just kept escalating like those things do, until it was like there wasn’t a time when they hadn’t been enemies. But for most of the time, it was just them trying to, you know, humiliate one another, sabotage each other’s business plans, maybe a surprise raid or two, nothing really out of the ordinary for that time.” She took another deep, shuddering breath. “And then one day they received a box, a box with no note or message or anything. And in it was her brother’s head.”

Joshua stared into the smoke so he wouldn’t have to see the look on Mokou’s face.

“Well, with one wife and one son down, that was pretty much half of her father’s family,” Mokou continued. “And since, you know, the disease that murdered her mother was hereditary, and only hit the women, she was next, and there was nothing she could do about it. Even before she became a woman, she could feel it growing inside her, like a hungry black pit deep inside her, just eating her from the inside-out. Soon it would be three of them gone, and with the Sonozikas pressing them harder and harder, who knew when her last brother would wake up with a knife in his heart or take in a mouthful of poison?”

Joshua started at that. “The Sonozikas? Wait, you mean-”

“The same,” Mokou said with a bitter laugh. “Yeah, here’s a spoiler: they ended up winning. They’re still around and running the Human Village, whereas the Fujiwara family is only around because its remaining member literally can’t die.” She shook her head. “Anyway, to move things along, the girl found out that there was someone very special living among them, a bonafide Princess from the fucking Moon, and an immortal one at that. Beautiful, powerful, forever young, and completely and utterly safe from things like disease and assassinations and slipping and cracking her head on the stones and having her guts ripped out, her brain flash-cooked, her head taken right off her shoulders, her entire body reduced to ash or sliced into tiny pieces and spread all the way across-”

“Mokou!” Joshua cried. “Please, I don’t need to know those details!”

Mokou laughed again. “Yeah, sorry. I guess you wouldn’t. Anyway, word got out that this princess was being courted by everything in Japan that had two legs and a functional penis, and there was supposed to be some kind of quest, a sort of wander the country collecting these rare treasures, and the one to bring them all back would win her hand. And the girl convinced her father to give it a shot.”

“Um…” Joshua frowned. “Ah, I’m sorry if this is out of line, but…”

“Why?” Mokou shrugged. “Well, I didn’t know better then. I just heard ‘immortal’ and ‘princess,’ and felt that if my father was to remarry, then it ought to be someone he wouldn’t worry about losing, you know? And I was kind of hoping that she would share her secret of immortality with him and my brother. Not that it ended up mattering, as he ended up coming home a year later, empty-handed and humiliated.”

“Oh.”

“The quest was a scam,” Mokou said flatly. “Pure and simple. A complete wild goose chase. Turns out, the princess already had all of those treasures locked away in her closet, and was just sending those men off just so they would leave her alone, without caring that she was also sending them into some of the most dangerous places in Japan. See, this was before Gensokyo took in all the gods and monsters and youkai and the like, so the country was a lot like Gensokyo is now, and most of those who went on this quest never came back. My father was one of the lucky ones to have survived. Too bad the journey destroyed his health and drained his wealth so that he had to sell off most of his land just to avoid total ruin. And he didn’t forget that it was me that told him to do it.”

Joshua had nothing to say to that at all.

“So yeah, total disaster,” Mokou said. “On the bright side, it got the Sonozikas off our back, seeing how they were the ones who bought most of those properties. I guess they felt that doing so meant that they won. Which, okay, it did.” She clicked her tongue. “Anyway, a couple years go by, and the girl’s just getting weaker and weaker. She tried to stave it off, but with her family’s wealth gone, they couldn’t afford the same treatments that kept her mother alive as long as they did, and even if they did, it wasn’t likely that her father would have bought them.”

“That’s terrible,” Joshua said softly. “To just let one’s own daughter waste away like that.”

“Whatever,” Mokou said. “But then they heard an interesting bit of news. Turns out that the Emperor was one of those seeking the Moon Princess’s hand, and he just plain refused her bullshit quest and wasn’t interested in taking no for an answer. So hey, good for him. But she said no anyway, and that made him angry. And I guess that she figured having the ruler of the country you’re trying to hide in would make one’s eternal life kind of difficult, she tried for making a kind of peace offering. She gifted him with the same potion that made her immortal in the first place.”

“Oh,” Joshua said. “Oh. Well, that’s quite the gift.”

“Maybe, but he didn’t think so, seeing how it just made him even more angry. So much so that he tried to destroy it.”

“Er…why?”

Mokou shrugged. “Fuck if I know. Maybe he thought it was a trick, maybe it’s because he was already an old man and the potion didn’t give you your youth back, so being stuck like that forever would wear off its novelty pretty fast. But anyway, even though he might have been smarter than the rest of her would-be fiancées, he was just as dramatic, because instead of just pouring it onto the ground and sending a bunch of his men to drag her back in chains, he decides to straight-up send it off in this grand caravan and have it thrown into a live volcano!”

Just when it seemed that Mokou’s story started to sound at least a little grounded in reality, it took another fantastical turn. “Okay,” Joshua said at last. “Why a volcano?”

“Fuck if I know!” Mokou said again with a dramatic gesture into the sky with both hands. “He up and died not long after, so I never got the chance to ask him. But whatever, you don’t pull a stunt like that without wanting people to know about it, so of course word reaches the girl that the secret of the Moon Princess’s immortality is headed across the land to be thrown into a fiery mountain. So she decided to steal it.”

“Right,” Joshua nodded. “Because of the disease.”

Mokou shook her head. “Nah, it wasn’t going to be for me. At that point I already resigned myself to death. But with my family half gone and the rest disgraced and me being dishonored in my father’s eyes, then fuck it, what did I have to lose? Maybe if I got that much for him, so that he could be immortal, or my remaining brother, or his new wife if he managed to get one, then maybe I’d be redeemed in his eyes. That, or I would die in the attempt, but honestly I didn’t care about that.”

“Well, obviously you succeeded,” Joshua remarked. “I mean, not in the way you were planning, but you did manage to steal the potion from the caravan.”

“No shit,” Mokou said, giving him a sidelong glance.

“How?” Joshua asked. “I mean, I imagine it would have been guarded.”

Mokou didn’t answer. She just stared long and hard into the fire, the look on her face completely blank.

“Mokou?”

Several more seconds stretched past, and when Mokou finally spoke, her voice was rough. “You don’t need to know that. Just know that things went sideways pretty badly, and by the end of it, the girl was lying in the road, potion in hand, while she bled into the dust.”

“Oh.” Joshua wondered exactly what had happened to make Mokou clam up like that, especially after having discussed several other things of a sensitive and personal nature.

“Well, this girl was now scared,” Mokou continued. “She knew she was to die soon, but for some reason the thought of dying now, before when the disease was to take her naturally, terrified her. And in her pain and panic she did something terrible.” A slow, thin smile spread across her face like a knife wound, one completely devoid of humor and joy. “She drank the potion herself.”

“Anyone else would have done the same,” Joshua said.

Mokou didn’t seem to have heard him. “It was only supposed to be a sip. Just the smallest of sips, not enough to turn her immortal, but enough to heal her hurts, maybe even burn the disease out of her! But the second the potion touched her tongue, she couldn’t stop! Three quick gulps, and it was gone!” She closed her eyes. “And then the pain started. It was like she was being immolated from the inside out. You see, the potion had not been designed with normal Humans in mind. The girl was not some long-lived Lunarian Royal, she was just a normal girl with a weak body, and it wasn’t strong enough to withstand the changes the potion was trying to bring upon her. Her hurts were healed, yes, and it did burn the illness right out of her, but everything else burned as well.”

To Joshua’s alarm, Mokou had begun to burn as well. It was small, but tiny, flickering flames had appeared on the back of her hands and her shoulders. She didn’t seem to notice though. Her clothes weren’t even browning.

“Her organs failed over and over, only to being forced back into working condition, only to fail again. Her bones and muscles dissolved, only to reform in their own soup. Her skin was sloughed right off of her, only to be replaced again and again. Blood poured from her like a river, but never seemed to run out.”

Now the fire was spreading up her arms. Joshua was torn between trusting Mokou’s claims of being fireproof and saying something to warn her. Certainly, everything she had said and done had given him every indication of her not having anything to fear from the flames, but that sort of thing was hard to recall when your friend is literally self-immolating right in front of your eyes. “It seemed like it would never end, that she was cursed to remain in that perpetual state of destruction and rebirth, writhing in agony on that dirt road forever.” Then, as the flame rose up to wreathe her head like an Angel’s halo, she turned to smile at Joshua. “And that is when it came to her.”

Joshua started. “What?”

“The Phoenix,” Mokou said. Her voice had something Joshua had never heard from her before: reverence. “The fire bird of the morning. At first she thought that she had imagined it, that it was just her own pain-addled mind conjuring up delusions, that the flame she was seeing was her own eyeballs boiling in their own juices. But then she heard it speak inside her head. It told her that she had taken something not meant for her, and she was unable to handle its power. That her imperfect body could not adapt and would never again be whole, unless she accepted its help.”

“Help?” Joshua swallowed and scooted a few feet from her. Mokou might be unharmed by the fire, but he had no such protection, and he was starting to feel the heat radiate off her body.

“It would bind itself to her,” Mokou said, still oblivious to the fact that she was very much on fire now. “You see, it was growing old. Phoenixes are creatures of rebirth. They are born, they grow old, and they die, incinerating themselves in their own flame. But from their own ashes they are born anew, young again. But it had done so too many times, and with every rebirth it lost a little more of itself. It was too weak to continue the cycle, just as the girl was too weak. But together, their respective, imperfect forms of immortality might stabilize one another. They might metamorphose into something whole.”

“So, you accepted?” Joshua said. He tried to make the question sound casual, but that was very difficult to do when the person you’re talking to was burning like a torch.

“Well, I was screaming in the throes of unbelievable agony, so I was exactly in a position to refuse,” Mokou responded. “But as I lay there suffering, it entered me. And then the pain really began. Its fire scorched me. And I don’t just mean my body, that was burnt up in seconds. I mean it scorched me to my now immortal soul, burning away every single drop of mortality and impermanence within me. Time ceased to have meaning. Seconds stretched into unbearable, indescribable years. And through it all, all I could do was wish for death, anything to make the pain stop.” She paused for a moment, and then the fires covering her changed, turning from scarlet to gold. “And then my body started to grow back. In the heart of that inferno, my bones forced themselves into existence, reforming and joining together. My organs regrew and reconnected, my meat and ligaments puffing up like tumors, and then skin crawled all over that horror, sealing it all inside. And unlike before, it wasn’t destroyed again.”

She paused again. In her silence, Joshua was finding it very hard not to stare at her, and it wasn’t just due to the absurd novelty of her being on fire.

Mokou had always been lovely, but Joshua had never thought of her in those terms. For one, until that very hour, he had always thought that he was old enough to be her father, but now he knew that the age difference was weighed far, far, far in the opposite direction, and to an absolutely ridiculous extent at that. For another, even if they had been around the same age, there had always been something that felt dangerous about Mokou, something beyond her rough nature and mysterious past, something that told her that she was someone to be kept at arms’ distance.

Joshua had of had always cared for her as a friend and a member of their strange family, and he knew that she loved the children as much as he did and would do anything to protect them, but he knew the look of someone who had stepped onto a bad path and walked it for a long time. He had seen that look many times back during his time with the Military, and when he had been in rehab. Hell, he had worn it himself for quite a while. And while he always did what he could to help those who had it to leave that path as he did, he knew when someone had a self-destructive nature, and Mokou most certainly did; he had seen that about her even before she had revealed just how thoroughly he had underestimated the extent of the damage.

But in that moment, as she sat there bathed in golden light, softly describing being transformed on both a physical and spiritual level, she was the most beautiful thing Joshua had ever seen. And not in any desirable or sexual way; she looked almost angelic, an ethereal being far beyond his comprehension that a lowly mortal like him had no business breathing the same air as.

Which, when one thought about it, was exactly what she was.

“It was the weirdest damn thing,” Mokou said. ‘I was lying there, naked in a dirt road, staring up at the sky. I could barely remember my own name or what had happened to me. The pain was gone, and yet it…wasn’t. I still felt the heat, but it didn’t hurt anymore. It was like hot coals had been sealed up in my stomach, but my stomach had been reinforced with steel, if that makes any sense. And I was changed, changed and made to never change again.”

Then she sighed, and the flames suddenly snuffed out all at once, both the ones covering her body and the burning sphere in the center of the circle, and she was just plain old Fujiwara no Mokou again, the prickly, yet well-meaning, cook of the Aoki Yume’s Children’s Home. “Anyway, that’s why I’m immortal. The end.”

Joshua was already reeling from everything that he had seen and heard over the last hour or so, but this completely knocked him off his gourd. “Wait, what?” he gawked. “But what happened next? Where’s the rest of the story? What did you do after that? What happened with your father, or the Sonozikas, or the Moon princess? What have you been doing all this time, and-”

“No.”

“No?”

Mokou stood up and brushed off her pants. “I told you why I’m immortal. I told you why I didn’t die, and that was more than I usually like to tell. Everything else, everything I’ve done since then, is my own damn business. So, the end.”

Joshua looked to the scorch mark in the ground and the smoke rising from it. He still had an endless bounty of questions, but now that he thought of it, Mokou was right. This was none of his business. Her story was obviously heartbreaking, painful, and horrifyingly long, and she had told as much as she felt comfortable telling.

To be truthful, Joshua felt like he was intruding just by having heard as much as he had. He had known that the mysterious young woman with the rough-around-the-edges personality that the kids had dragged in nearly dead (though he now supposed that she had actually been dead) from the snow had a dark past, but he had never imagined anything on this scale. His friend was literally one of those tragic monsters of legend, the kind who had started off as a simple Human only to be doomed to wander the earth forever due to one, avoidable mistake. She was of the same sort as the Wandering Jew, Stingy Jack, or even Cain himself. Who was he to demand anything from her?

Furthermore, how was he supposed to treat her now? Did they just go back to the way things were and never bring it up again? As tight-lipped as Mokou had suddenly become, Joshua knew that the rest of the story would reflect poorly on her. She had killed people, of that he had no doubt. She had probably killed a great many people, and a lot of them had probably been innocents, people who had been in the wrong place and the wrong time.

Furthermore, he knew that she had done other things. Her torture of those spiders had been cold, efficient, and spoke of a wealth of experience. The few bits she had dropped about the Moon Princess, wherever she was, were nothing short of horrific, and he was willing to bet that those talents had also been employed against those who couldn’t simply regenerate from death and dismemberment.

By any decent metric, Mokou was a monster, one comparable to Vlad the Impaler or Jack the Ripper.

And yet…

“Go ahead,” Mokou said.

“Eh?”

One arm crossing her chest to rest on the opposite elbow, Mokou rolled the wrist of the other. “Decent guy like you hearing a story like mine probably changes how you see me. And I think you’ve put together some of the pieces of the parts I didn’t tell you. So tell me, oh Man of God: have I earned my damnation? Is there something wrong with the universe that I’m never going to see it, that I’m going to be walking the earth long after Gensokyo is gone, after the Outside World had crumbled away, after the rest of humanity is extinct, that I will see the Heat Death of the universe and what lays beyond it? I know a thing or two about your God, as well as all the others, and most of them have some sort of endgame in mind for everything. But no matter what it is, I’m going to come through it, and no matter what perfect world comes out of it, it’ll have my soiled feet walking it.” She grinned. “Kind of seems a little unjust, don’t it?”

Joshua breathed in and out. Wow, this was so very much above his paygrade. He thought in it, letting the various parts of his mind and heart argue it out. As he did, Mokou stood and waited.

Joshua breathed in and out. Wow, this was so very much above his paygrade. He thought in it, letting the various parts of his mind and heart argue it out.

Unfortunately, nothing inside him could come up with a satisfactory response. This was so far above him that his mind felt crushed just by thinking about it. If he had learned that Mokou had been a murderer or something similar, then yes, that would probably change the complexion of their relationship, but not in any meaningful way, as he had known many killers and worse in his time.

“It’s okay,” Mokou said at last.

“Huh?”

“You don’t know what to make of me. You don’t know what to think.” She nodded solemnly. “It’s okay. I understand. It’s too much to take in all at once.”

Joshua stared down at the ground. “Mokou, I-”

“I’m a monster,” Mokou said. “The kind they make stories of, one as dark and evil to ever wander the black corners of the world. I’ve always known that. But I want you to understand something, Josh. Even if you end up hating me, I’m still your monster. Yours, the kids, Satoko’s, Haruna’s, Shion’s, Haruhi’s, all of you. I’m on your side, and I swear if anything tries to hurt any one of you again, then they have to go through me first. And they’ll find that a lot more difficult than they bargained for.”

It was a nice sentiment, but Joshua was still unable to wrap his head around the situation. “Okay,” he said. “But why?”

Mokou quirked an eyebrow. “Why what?”

“Why…Why do you care? Why do you care so much about these kids? Why do you care about us? It just doesn’t make any sense!”

“Ouch, man. That hurts.” Mokou stuck her hands in her pockets and rocked back and forth on her heels. “And say what you want about me, but I’ve never purposefully gone after anyone innocent, especially not kids. That’s a level of evil that I always swore I’d never fall to. Simple, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not!” Joshua said, wringing his hands in agitation.

“Why not?”

“I…” In his struggles to articulate his thoughts, Joshua suddenly recalled a terrible story his platoon captain used to tell, a story that Joshua had always found incredibly troubling, mainly because he knew it was true. “Okay, you told your story to make your point, so here’s one to make mine: once upon a time, there was a soldier walking through a valley where the enemy had destroyed a village, and he find the body of a little girl lying on the side of the road, run through with a sword.

“Now this soldier feels like someone had punched him right in the gut, and he falls to his knees and takes the girl’s body in his arms as he cries. ‘Why, God? Why would you let something so terrible happen to such a beautiful child?’

“But the soldier still has a mission to do, and there is no time for burials, so he leaves the girl and continues on his way. Soon he finds two more dead little girls, their heads cut off, and he stops and starts weeping again, condemning the cruelness of the world.

“Soon he finds two dead little boys and three dead little girls, and he again cries for them, but he doesn’t stop. A few minutes later he comes across a full dozen dead children, and though he shakes his head at the terrible sight, he neither stops nor cries.

“And finally, before he’s left the valley, he comes across an entire elementary school, all of the children executed, their bodies just left for the flies. And he barely even looks at them before continuing on his way.”

“Damn,” Mokou said after he was done. “And I thought my story was gruesome. You trying to one-up me here or something?”

Joshua slowly breathed out. “My point is, you’ve lived hundreds upon hundreds of years. You’ve seen so much dead: men, women, and children. You’ve also caused quite a bit of it too. Normal people like us, we must be like mayflies compared you to, gone in a blink of an eye. So why do these kids matter so much, when by your standards they’ll be gone before you notice.”

At this, Mokou’s face turned serious, all hints of wryness falling away. “Good question,” she said. “Really good question. And I guess…Okay, look: I may be a monster, but the two years I’ve spent here with you guys, cooking for you, working with you, helping you, playing with the kids and everything is the first time for as long as I can remember that I felt like…like something other than a monster. Does that make sense.”

Joshua stared up at her. Then he slowly nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does.”

“Good,” Mokou said. “So at least we know where we stand. But for now-”

Suddenly some kind of clamor was being raised over at the house. Joshua heard people shouting and running, and then Shion started calling to them from the porch.

“Hey!” she yelled. “You two stop slouching about and get over here! The kids are waking up!”

Joshua and Mokou exchanged looks of surprise. Then the two bolted toward the house.

…

“Kids!”

Rumia and Kohta started at the sudden exclamation. They looked up to see Miss Satoko standing in the door of the sick room, her crease-lined face lighting up and her eyes wet with tears.

“Oh, thank the gods, you’re all right!” Miss Satoko practically fell to her knees in front of the children and threw her arms around Rumia and Kohta both. A little taken back by the sudden display of affection, Rumia glanced uncertainly at Kohta from over Miss Satoko’s shoulder, who shot her the same look back. Then the two gingerly wrapped their arms around the woman in return.

“I was…I was so afraid…” Miss Satoko whispered. “When you disappeared, I thought I would never…” Then she drew back and smiled at the two. “But you’re here.” She cupped their faces with her hands. “You’re all right.”

Rumia flinched at the touch. For some reason, her palm just felt way too warm. “I’m…we’re…”

“Shhh.” Miss Satoko pressed a finger to Rumia’s lips. It hurt. “It’s okay. We can talk later.” She leaned forward to kiss the top of Rumia’s forehead. “Just rest for now. It’s enough to know you’re alive.”

Rumia instinctively drew back from the kiss, but stopped herself. What was she doing? Miss Satoko kissed their foreheads all the time! Still, it felt…wrong this time. Her lips felt hot, like a branding iron was being pressed against her brow. Still, she gritted her teeth and bore it.

“Miss Satoko?” Kohta said. His voice still sounded weirdly creaky and hollow. “W-What about…” He coughed. “What about the others? They won’t wake up.”

“Don’t worry, they’re fine,” Miss Satoko said. “It’s just that…” She made a face. “Well, the spiders stung them, you see. They still need to get it out of their systems. But they should be waking up soon.”

Rumia cast a dubious look over to Kana, who was still breathing shallowly.

“Okay, but how did we get…home?” Kohta said. “Because I don’t…”

Miss Satoko stroked his hair. “Mr. Joshua and Miss Mokou found you in the forest,” she said. “They said you were lying unconscious, like you had fallen asleep, and they carried you back.”

“Miss Mokou’s back?” Rumia whispered. It still hurt a little to talk.

Miss Satoko nodded. “She got back right after you two went off. As soon as she found out what happened she went right after you.”

“Oh.” Rumia’s face twisted up as she tried to put all of her scattered thoughts in order. “Uh, are we…in trouble?”

That made Miss Satoko laugh a little. “No, Rumia. I mean, normally, yes you would be, because what you did was very foolish and dangerous. But I think what you went through was more than enough punishment. I’m just glad you’re still alive.”

“Alive,” Kohta whispered. He suddenly sat straight up. “Alive! Miss Satoko. It’s Eiko! She-”

The smile vanished from Miss Satoko’s face, to be replaced with naked pain. “I know, I know,” she said hoarsely. “Mokou told me everything.”

“What?”

“Miss Mokou and Mr. Joshua…found her too. They brought her home as well.”

“Brought her…you mean her body?”

Miss Satoko swallowed and nodded. “Yes.”

“But…the spiders! They would’ve-”

“The spiders won’t be a problem anymore.”

Rumia, Kohta, and Miss Satoko all looked to the door. Miss Mokou was there, leaning against the doorpost with her hands in her pockets.

“Wh-What?” Rumia said.

“You don’t have to worry about the spiders,” Miss Mokou said. “I took care of them.”

“Mokou,” Miss Satoko said. “Maybe this had better-”

“Can we have a few moments?” Miss Mokou said.

“I don’t think-”

“I won’t be long. Just need to ask a few questions.”

“It’s okay,” Rumia told Miss Satoko. “I’d like to talk to her.”

“Me too,” Kohta said.

Miss Satoko hesitated, but then nodded. “Okay. Don’t take too long.” She kissed them both again. Rumia winced when Miss Satoko’s lips touched her forehead

She passed by Miss Mokou, stopped, and laid a hand on the other woman’s shoulder. Miss Mokou gave her fingers a brief squeeze before she left.

“Well,” Miss Mokou said as she entered the room and closed the door, leaving them alone with her. “Sure am glad you two are up and about at least. Feel all right?”

“No,” Rumia said.

“Didn’t think so.” Miss Mokou sat in front of them, legs folded and hands on her knees. “Apparently you two snuck out the moment you could. Didn’t wait for any grown-ups at all, just plunged into the forest yourselves, right?”

“Yes,” Kohta said.

“Heh. Well, that was fucking stupid, but based on what I’ve learned, if you hadn’t, someone else would’ve probably died too. So, you know, good job.”

Rumia hesitated, and then asked. “M-Miss Mokou. The…spiders.”

“What about them?”

“Did you really, you know…”

Miss Mokou nodded. “I did. Your little firework show told me pretty plain where to find them. Found the four of them trying to put out the fires with Eiko’s body still on the table. That told me enough.”

“But…they’re youkai. They’ll come back.”

“No, they won’t,” Mokou said with absolute surety. “Youkai can come back from most things, but there are a few kinds of death that keep them. And I so happen to know at least one of them.”

Rumia felt a chill sweep up her back. “What did you do to them?”

A spark flickered in the dark pupils of Mokou’s maroon eyes. “I burned them alive.” She rotated her right wrist around on her knee, moving the palm upward. A hovering ball of flame suddenly flashed into existence over her hand. “But first I broke them. Slowly. And with great deliberation. I broke them, I hurt them, I made them scream, and after they had told me everything I wanted to know, I set a fire deep inside them that roasted them until their flesh had crisped and their fat melted and even their bones turned to ash.” She closed her fingers shut, snuffing out the flame. “Isn’t as good stopping them from taking you in the first place, but at the very least I made their meal more expensive than they were willing to pay.”

“Good,” rasped a weak-sounding voice.

Rumia turned to see Haruko struggling to sit up. Her former nemesis looked pretty bad, not as bad as Kana, but she was still gaunt and haggard. Her long dark hair, usually so carefully brushed and cleaned, was a nightmare of oily knotted strands that hung in clumps around her face.

“Good,” Haruko said again. “They deserve it.”

“How long have you been awake?” Kohta asked.

Haruko coughed from deep inside her chest. “Few minutes,” she muttered. “When Miss Satoko was still here.” She looked up at Miss Mokou. “You brought Eiko back home, right?”

Miss Mokou nodded. “Me and Joshua did. We were just waiting for you to wake up before we put her to rest.”

Tears shown in Haruko’s eyes. She blinked several times, sniffed, and wiped her eyes with her arm. “Th-Thank you.”

A heavy silence passed between them. Then Miss Mokou sighed and said, “But that wasn’t the only reason I was waiting for you to wake up. See, I learned most of what there is to know about your rescue from the spiders, but not what happened after. They said that they stopped following you when you went into a place called the bone grove, which had something called the black circle. That’s where I found you, all of you. You were all lying lifeless just outside the bone grove. What happened?”

“The…bone grove?” Rumia repeated.

“Yes. A place filled with black trees that had been turned to stone, that had skeletons fused into their trunks. And its center had this circle of black sand.” Miss Mokou shook her head. “Damn. I thought I had seen every ugly corner of Gensokyo, but that was a new one, even for me. Even so, nothing happened the whole time I was in there. I tried setting the trees on fire, but they wouldn’t burn. I tried melting the sand, but it just swallowed up my fire like it was nothing, and that does not happen. But I felt like there was something in there, something that was deliberately locking me out. So I need to know what happened to you all in there.”

“Nothing,” Rumia, Kohta, and Haruko all said in unison.

Miss Mokou narrowed her eyes. “Well. That response was…quick. And unanimous. And obviously not true.”

“Nothing happened!” Haruko insisted.

“Oh, yeah? So, what, you just fell unconscious in the middle of the Youkai Forest for several minutes without anything picking you off? The spider chasing you just up and decided to leave you there for no reason?”

“Yes!” Rumia said crossly. Why couldn’t Miss Mokou just drop it? It wasn’t any of her business!

“Huh,” Miss Mokou said. “I see.”

Then, moving quicker than a striking snake, she reached up with both hands to grip Rumia and Kohta by the chins.

Rumia tried to recoil, but the fingers holding onto her jaw were too strong. And if the touch of Miss Satoko’s hand had been uncomfortably warm, Miss Mokou’s felt hotter than a cattle brand. It was searing into her skin, so much so that she could practically smell her own flesh sizzling.

“STOP IT!” Kohta screamed.

“LET US GO!” Rumia agreed. Haruko lunged forward and shoved Miss Mokou in the chest.

Miss Mokou didn’t budge, but she did raise a single eyebrow. “Well,” she said. “That answers that.”

Then she let them go.

The three of them scrambled away from her, putting as much distance between them and Miss Mokou. “What do you think you’re doing?” Kohta demanded. “Don’t touch us!”

Miss Mokou said nothing. She just calmly looked from one face to the other, her narrowed eyes piercing into theirs.

Then the doorknob started rattling. “Mokou?” Miss Satoko said from the other side. “Mokou, what was that? What are you doing?”

“Huh,” Miss Mokou said.

“Open the door! Mokou?”

Miss Mokou stood up. “Well, that’s everything I need to know. You three get some rest. Awake or not, you’re definitely not fully recovered.”

“Yes, we are!” Haruko protested. “We’re fine!”

“Uh-huh. Sure you are.” Miss Mokou walked over to the door and opened it, revealing not only Miss Satoko, but the rest of the grown-ups as well, all crowded outside the door.

Without saying anything, Mokou left the room and shut the door, leaving the six of them alone.

…

“Mokou, what the hell was that?” Shion hissed. “What were you doing to them?”

“Exactly,” Satoko said, a cold look in her eyes. “You have five seconds to explain why they were screaming before I-”

Mokou held up a finger, silencing them. “No,” she said. “Not here. Haruna’s room. Now.”

Haruna folded her arms. “Kid, you better explain yourself right now.”

“Not. Here,” Mokou repeated. “Head to Haruna’s room and lock the door.”

“Mokou, you were hurting them!” Joshua said. “They were screaming, and-”

Mokou then noticed something. She held up a palm, silencing him, as she turned her attention over to the stairs.

Practically every child in the orphanage not currently in the sick room were clustered around the top steps, staring intently at them.

“OUTSIDE!” Mokou roared.

The kids cleared out faster than she had ever seen them do. She listened as they ran, hopped, and in some cases tripped their way downstairs and out the front door.

When the thumping stopped and the door slammed shut, she turned to the rest of the orphanage’s staff.

“Okay, so now can we go to Haruna’s room so I can explain why we are now all in very real danger?” she said.

That did it. Their looks of confusion and anger turned to ones of confusion and fear. “Okay,” Haruna said. “But why my room? Why not yours?”

“Because my window still has a big hole in it from my hasty exit earlier, and yours has the thickest walls.”

“Well, I’m a light sleeper,” Haruna said, and a bit indignantly at that. “And there’s always some child walking the halls every night.”

“Right, but this isn’t something I want anyone listening in on, so if we could…” Mokou motioned down the hall with both hands.

The six of them quietly filed through the hall and into Haruna’s room. It was a very nice place for such a rough-looking woman, decorated with bright colors and several chalk drawings she had done herself.

“All right,” Satoko said once Haruna had locked the door. “We’re here. Now tell me what you did to them, and maybe I’ll consider not expelling you right now.”

“I grabbed their chins to get a good look at their eyes,” Mokou said. She pinched her own jaw between her thumb and index finger as demonstration. “Like this.”

“That’s it?” Shion said. “But they sounded like you were burning them!”

“That’s because that’s how it felt. Satoko, did you notice how they flinched when you kissed them?”

Satoko stared blankly at her. “Did they?”

“They did. In fact, I’d say they were scared of being touched at all.

“Mokou, we’re begging you,” Shion said. “Say things that make sense!”

Mokou sighed. Oh well, she was in for it already. “Fine. I already told Satoko and Joshua all this, so look them up for the details, but the long and short of it, I’m immortal.”

Haruhi made noise that wasn’t quite a gasp and not quite a hiccup, but was very similar to both.

“Yeah, so to just preemptively answer your questions, no, I’m not a youkai,” Mokou said. “I’m Human, but several hundred years ago I drank a magic potion that made so I’m going to live forever. And I later got super-charged with a whole lot of fire, so that’s what that is all about. But anyway, I’ve been around a long time, and know how to recognize certain things-”

“Excuse me?” Haruhi squeaked. “Uh, I know this is very important, but can we go back to the part where you’re immortal and apparently hundreds of years old?”

Shion shrugged. “Makes sense to me.”

“Well, yeah,” Haruna said. “I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“You two knew?” Haruhi said.

“Well, no, but I figured it had to be something like that,” Shion said.

“I did,” Haruna said.

“You did?” Mokou said.

“Sure. I mean, I’ve been hearing stories about the Daughter of the Phoenix my whole life, one that’s supposed to be wandering the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. Then all of a sudden the kids drag in a frozen corpse that is all sorts of dead, except no it’s breathing again in minutes, and all of a sudden those stories stop.” Haruna shrugged. “All in all, it wasn’t hard to put together.”

“Huh,” Mokou said thoughtfully. “Well, when you put it like that…”

Haruhi held up her hands and stomped off to a nearby chair. “I need to sit down.”

“So…you’re really that old, huh?” Shion asked.

“Yeah,” Mokou said. “I’ve been around basically forever, and probably will still be around after everything’s gone.”

Shion thoughtfully rubbed her chin. “How much of forever are we talking? Like, since the beginning of time, or…”

“Oh, no,” Mokou snickered. “I was exaggerating. But about a hundred years or so before Gensokyo was created.”

Haruhi jolted in her chair. “You were born before Gensokyo was created?!”

“Yeah, and let me tell you, that was a hell of a news story.”

“A-And you told…” Haruhi pressed a palm to her forehead. “Okay, I get why you told Satoko, but why Joshua? I mean, no offense, Josh. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“None taken,” Joshua said. “And, well, I just, you know, asked her.”

Haruhi stared at him for a good long time before nodding. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Satoko sighed. “Well, this is all very fascinating, but it’s distracting from the main point. Mokou, continue.”

“Right,” Mokou said. “So, I’ve been around, I’ve seen and done a lot of things, and I’ve learned to recognize certain things as well.”

“Things like what?” Haruna asked.

Mokou frowned. “Now, I only got a short look at them, but it was enough that I’d bet every single one of my remaining centuries that those kids found…something in the bone grove, something that left its mark on them.”

“What is the bone grove?” Shion asked. “Do you even know anything about it?”

Mokou shook her head. “Never even heard of it until now, which bothers me. I mean, sure, I’ve never really been the one to go digging up any of Gensokyo’s endless mysteries, but something that big really sounds like something I should have at least heard of. The spiders said that it’s a place that nobody goes to, that everyone in the forest just avoids and doesn’t talk about. Can’t say that I blame them.”

“The spiders,” Satoko repeated. “That you tortured.”

“Yeah, those are the ones. But anyway, even if I��ve never heard of this particular batch of creepy, it’s clear to me that even though I didn’t find anything specific in it, those kids did. And they took a piece of it with them.”

Satoko swallowed. “What is that even supposed to mean? What did it do to them?”

“Exactly what I said. Whatever it is, they got a piece of it inside them, and it’s influencing them somehow.”

Joshua inhaled sharply. “Wait, are you telling me that they’re possessed?”

“Hell if I know,” Mokou said. “Could be, but I don’t think so. They seemed mostly normal until I tried to talk to them about the bone grove, which is when they got weirdly hostile. And they didn’t freak out until I touched them. So I’m thinking that it’s just, you know, influencing them.”

“Is it dangerous?” Shion asked.

“Undoubtedly,” Mokou said with a nod.

Everyone fell silent as they all digested her answer. Then Shion said, “So, what do we do about it?”

Mokou thought on that. “In the long term? Not sure. But for now, keep them together in the sick room and away from the rest of the kids. Don’t let anyone go in there, and don’t let them leave, not until we learn more about what it is and what it’s doing to them.”

“No!” Satoko cried. “Are you out of your mind? I’m not going to make them prisoners in their own home!”

Mokou had been expecting that kind of reaction, and while it was understandable, this wasn’t the time to err on the side of kindness. “Would you rather one of the other kids end up dead? We already lost Eiko. You wanna risk someone else?”

“What about the funeral?” Haruhi said softly. “We put off laying Eiko to rest so they could be there. Haruko and Hayate were her friends. Are we going to keep them locked up during that?”

“Probably.”

“No,” Satoko repeated. “Absolutely not. Mokou, you go too far!”

Mokou gave a nonchalant shrug with one shoulder. “Someone has to.”

“She’s right,” Joshua said to her. “Satoko, I mean. This is just cruel. They’re already isolated from the rest of the Human community, and now you want to isolate them further?”

“If I gotta,” Mokou said. “Look, I’m not saying lock them up for life. I’ll go get the Hakurei shrine maiden. She’s an expert in this sort of thing. Hell, I’ll scare up Yukari Yakumo if I have to.”

That got a reaction from the others, almost as much as the reveal about her immortality did. “Yukari Yakumo!” Haruhi gasped. “You know Yukari Yakumo?”

“Not personally,” Mokou said. “But it’s a kind of ‘know people who know her’ sort of thing. Anyway, I’m pretty sure I can scare her down if I have to.”

“If you want to bring her into this, then do so,” Satoko said. “Bring anyone you think can help. But I am not locking them up, and they are not missing the funeral.”

Mokou scowled. “Bad idea, Satoko. When a kid gets sick, we keep them away from the others, don’t we?”

“It’s not the same thing!”

“Satoko, I think she’s right,” Haruna said in a low voice.

Satoko gaped at the older woman. For her part, Haruna merely folded her arms. “If those kids have been touched by something evil, then it’s our responsibility to do what we can to keep everyone safe. I know it sounds cruel, but we’re on a knife’s edge already. We can’t afford to take risks.”

“But that’s what Skinner and Sonozika are doing, isn’t it?” Satoko said. “Saying that we’re infected with evil to keep us isolated from everyone else? How are we any different if we do this?”

“Because number one, they’re just doing it because they’re hateful bigots,” Mokou said. “We actually have proof that something’s wrong. And number two, we intend to help the kids. They’re not.”

Satoko still looked unconvinced. “That’s not good enough, Mokou. After everything they’ve been through, I’m not going to separate them from their friends. I’m not going to treat them like monsters!”

“Satoko, it ain’t forever,” Haruna said, laying a meaty hand on the taller woman’s shoulder. “Mokou knows people that can help, right? Powerful people who specialize in this kind of crap. So we just keep them by themselves as a precaution until these people show up to take a look at things. Then they’ll fix the kids right up, and everything will go back to normal.”

Satoko looked hurt by Haruna’s words. “Haruna, you can’t be taking her side! You’ve helped raise these children even longer than I have! You know how close they are with one another! I mean, Rumia and Kohta have been fighting with Haruko, Hayate, and Eiko for as long as I can remember, and they still risked their lives to save them!”

“Think, Satoko! Think with your head! The safety of the children come first! Of course we’ll do everything we can to ensure that they’re okay, but until then, we need to be smart!”

“But-”

“What if whatever it is takes control of them when they’re asleep?” Mokou demanded. “I’ve seen things like that happen before. What if we wake up to find everyone’s throats slit? Or the house set on fire. Or-”

“Stop, Mokou! Just stop talking!”

Mokou’s gaze was like steel. “You know I’m right.”

“I…” Satoko’s eyes welled up with tears. “Fine then! If you think it’s so important, then fine! But only as long as it takes to get them help, and they are not missing the funeral!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Mokou said. “We still don’t-”

“They’re going to be there, and that’s final! And speaking of which, seeing how you’re so good with fire, you can handle the cremation. Immediately.”

Mokou sighed. “Fine. And if they must be there, then fine. But at the very least keep them apart from the others.”

Satoko bit her lower lip. “How quickly can you get the Hakurei shrine maiden here?”

“Well, I’d have to find her again,” Mokou said after thinking on it. “But I don’t like the thought of leaving, not after what happened last time. I suppose I could send someone else to look for her.”

“Who?” Joshua said.

…

Tewi Inaba looked down at the list of instructions Mokou had given her, and then up again at the tall Human who had given it to her. “You serious with this?”

“Look, we’ve had enough shit go down here, so I can’t afford to leave them unprotected,” Mokou said. “And I’m a little short in contacts that might actually find her. So yes, I am serious with this.”

“Right,” Tewi sighed. “You know, we haven’t had that crust bitch poke her killjoy ass in our forest ever since you left. It’s been kind of nice. And now you just want us to go looking for her?”

“Tewi,” Mokou said, warning in her tone.

“Fine, fine, I’ll find her,” Tewi said as she held up her palms in defeat. “But you owe me.”

“Put it on my tab,” Mokou said. “I mean, I’ve got nothing but time to settle up.”

…

Me tired.

Until next time, everyone.

[lost-incident-kid]

Happy Birthday Miyu Sugisaki (for tommorow) might do some art for her idk

———

Edit: ah heck! Ive had this queued for months, but i forgot to actually do the art haha, i’ll get something done overnight so it might be rushed and look like trash, it might look reasonably ok. Who knows at this point. I dont trust the sleepy version of myself to create anything good but hey, theyv created some stuff that wasn’t horrifying before :/

Ok, starting here i legit just start live-blogging myself staying up alnight drawing. Ignore me. I didnt know where else to say it. I’ll delete it later.

Edit 2: this isnt gonna be done. Like frick, i just spent 6 hours on miyu’s fricking hairstyle, thats all done and even shaded and looking fabulous but ive only got a rough lineart for litterally everything else. This might not be done, but if it is then her hair is gonna be a fuckign masterpiece (i hope). Im writing this edit at 1:42am, and im gonna go to bed somewhere between 4 and 5, lets go! Hell yeah! I might do this! Perhaps! Im gonna try! 3-4 sprint time! Yeah!

Edit 3: frick, im failing to do this, miserably. Its 3:03am and i got distracted playing mobile games and didn’t get anything done. My existence is futile, existentially im a waste and I should not exist. The atoms within me deserve to be part of something better. Sorry. I’m a f*ck up and unless I get my sh*t together in the next like 5 mins (unlikely) then this aint gonna be finished.

Edit 4: ok, meltdown like 20% over. Its 3:52am, I think the issue then was the face. Faces r hard bruh, they suck do draw. They a festive lil ho ho ho. I was drawing everything too high up on the face cuz my dumb *ss forgot to draw the line thingys on the face or even look at a reference image for proportions. Ive done it now amd life is now a bit more on track. Might get this done if I continue work in the morning.

Edit 4.5: nothin much (hence the .5), its 4:14am, just downed 4 cups o tea for caffeine and sugar (all the coffee we got is decaf lol). I’m gonna get this sh*t done! Ive litterally only coloured down to the face, neck and the hair but still.... I’m gonna get it done anyway! I dont care about going to bed between 4-5 anymore! I’m getting this done!

Edit 5: its less than ten mins later (4:22am) and im taking a quick 20m break to watch youtube while I wait for the caffeine to kick in because im too braindead to continue right now. Like what art style am i even trying? Idk... its really fricking complex tho. Lowkey pretty tho, like if i finish this im gonna be so proud of it like it looks great. But its taking forever and im need break.

Edit 6: ok we back. Its 4:41am, caffeine has not really kicked in but i cant permit myself any more time anyway. Back to drawning.

Edit 7: holy frick, new episode of the vrains dub came out. Man... im leaving vrains fanart to watch the vrains dub. Am I obsessed? Is this hyperfixation? Probably? Either way, its 4:50am and im going to go watch the new episode. I’ll come back to this when im done.

Edit 8: HOLY FRICK GUYS! THE DRAWING APP IM USING KEEPS CRASHING AND SAYS ITS STILL THERE BUT WONT LET ME CONTINUE AND KICKING ME OFF THE APP?!?! ITS 5:06AM AND THE PANIC ATTAC IS BACC! The new episode of the dub isnt completely out yet, im watching that version on yt where its just smol clips of it. Not all the clips r up yet. I was just going on it while waiting for the next clips to go up and thats when the app did the thing and life got 280% sucky-er.

Edit: 8.5 wahoot it stopped kicking me off the app and it let me continue. Its 5:12am and we are FINALLY continuing.

Edit 9: its 5:36 Im tired sleep time I’ll finis thos in the morning goodbye yall have a greatt day

Edit 10: ok, so im a failure. We live in the timeline that god abandoned. I cannot sleep. I shall get more cups of tea, watch yt until the caffeine actually kicks in, and then continue. Its 6:03 right now, I shall be back. Perhaps half an hour?

Edit 10.5: its 6:11am. Not much has happened, just a slight change of plans. Ik its irrelevant but im liveblogging so i gotta say, my eye hurts so im gonna stop looking at screens. Perhaps gonna try to sleep again, if not then i’ll put read a book, redo my makeup (it smudgey) or straight up just listen to music and stare into the void. Litterally anything other than look at my laptop/phone. Peace out homies, i’ll be back at some point before 7 probably (unless i do go to sleep).

Edit 11: Its 6:41am, my eye hurts. Ive been staring into the darkness and listening to various fallout boy songs. Now i feel edgy. Its been half an hour, so im gonna continue drawing. Caffeine and sugar has worn off again so im tired and unmotivated but yno what, it is what it is. Aint life nifty, i gotta get this done.

Edit 12: 6:52 everything burns im in pain my eye is on frickign fire and it looks bloodshot but now also weird azz headache that i never got one like this before so im gonna turn off all lights cuz that seems to make it marginally better am i dying probably idk either way im not gonna continue for multiple hours it is stare into the void time and stare into the void time alone ok this should be the last update

Edit 13: It is 3:16pm, didn’t continue liveblogging cuz i got one heck of a migrane. Im back and well... Happy birthday Miyu for today! I’m still gonna try to get this god forsaken art done, but holy shit what is that art style i did. Its genuinely nothing like anything ive done before, I don’t remember doing any of the colouring but apparently I did and it looks better than anything ive done before and idk if non-fricked up me can replicate it. I’m starting to wonder if i got bored and just copied it or something, like idk how i did it. Look at it

The grey is the lineart I remember doing but man tHE FRICKIGN HAIR like i couldnt have created that, could I? I can see why it was taking so long yesterday like holy shit man that stuff takes time yno

[hannah-writes]

The Semiotics of Roswell (aka why Malex is Endgame because the camera says so)

And we’re back with instalment #2 of The Semiotics of Roswell. I’m supposed to be working but eh, who needs to actually have numbers and facts behind what they’re presenting? Losers, that’s who.

Today’s focus is on episode 2 and though I’ve tried to keep my screencaps in order, something wonky happens when I upload it, so I’ll be focusing primarily on individual scenes and the pairings - as before - so plz forgive me if some of the stuff isn’t in chronological order. The Malex stuff definitely will be. 

Also, at some point, I lost the ability to differentiate between the left and the right. #datdyslexiclife

Image heavy, once again! Consider this your friendly neighbourhood warning!

All my semiotic meta can be followed/tracked using the #Semiotics of Roswell tag, and is here on my tumblr. This includes random other semiotic meta that comes at me when I see gif sets.

Part 1 / Reunion Kiss Video Meta / I Never Look Away Video Meta / 

First of all, fuck this show and its lighting. It’s so dark half the time you gotta squint at the screen to see what’s going on. I know CW shows are all about their moody lighting and how it’s meant to help portray dark, gritty realism but the very nature of this show allows them to cover gritty realism without having to swamp our characters in darkness. 

What I do find interesting is in the below screenshot Max is half lit. This seems to come up quite a lot and now we’ve all seen the finale it can be construed as a hint to the duality of their “nature” as aliens, the darkness of the legacy of their race vs the lightness of their nature and love for humanity. (Michael’s general dislike for everything notwithstanding, obviously)

Liz & Max - handprint connecting them - fall into the my-side-your-side framing in this episode. Interestingly, you can see in the shot above that Liz is shot flat, the camera’s at the same level as her and there’s no upward angle. She’s got an even distance mid-shot whereas in direct contrast Max is closer cropped and the angle is slightly up. This is likely an accident, but there’s an insinuation with the camera being tilted up that Max currently is more powerful over Liz. We’d argue that Max would never feel that way; Liz is the hurricane that messes up his mind and his life and he can’t fight her. But his handprint is on her, which means she’s feeling what he’s feeling. This does somewhat blur the lines for her own perception of what she’s feeling and gives Max a modicum of control. This is more obvious as a shooting decision on the basis that they’re both standing and though there’s a height difference between them it can be compensated for by distance. But we always focus on Max’s face when Liz is around, and she dominates far more of his shot (below) than he does of hers (above). 

Conversely, the below two images are our first proper introduction to the Max/Cam dynamic which, ngl, though Echo is my ship, I enjoyed this for the playful dynamic that it was and it helps settle and establish in Max’s character that he is a sucker for strong women who can dominate the heck outta his soft, squishy person. 

Max and Cam show an up-down shot dynamic in this instance purely because he’s sitting and she’s standing, which sets it apart from the one above with Max and Liz since they’re (ostensibly, height difference notwithstanding) on the same level and being shot differently. Cameron and Max here are physically on different levels.

Max is more centrally-right shot, whereas Cameron’s on the right side of the screen; so though she’s framed to be ready to share the screen, Max isn’t which scrubs out the possibility of a true romantic relationship. Max’s position on the left-hand side of the screen - when he is on it - is reserved for Liz (two shots down!).

(Worth pointing out here that Malex is the only ship that is consistently shot with the my-side-your-side, even when they are broken up not together. Liz and Max have their fair share of shots that are on the same side or in the middle, allowing them to bleed into one - I’m thinking of the finale where they’re both lying to each other over the phone, Liz saying she’s fine when she’s been stabbed & Max saying he’s okay when they’re off doing alien things). 

Seriously though fuck the moody lighting of this show. The only mood it’s inducing is frustration and headaches. Stupid show. 

Again here, Echo is displaying the your-side-my-side framing. It’s the reverse of the above scene; they don’t have a set dynamic where there’s one that owns one side of the screen, not like Malex, but that’s actually okay. At this point in time, their relationship is unstable and tumultuous. Here, you can see they’re shot from the same, flat angle and there’s roughly the same zoom ratio used to help keep them in the frame. It’s not close on his face and zoomed out on Liz or vice-versa.

(Seriously, though, we don’t need mood lighting. I’d like to be able to watch the show without squinting)

First Malex scene! 

Which, thankfully, is outside in the day time which has better lighting. My eyes are thankful, episode. Plus, now I get to look at Michael and Alex for a while and spend some time sitting in my happy place.

The first thing that’s apparent here is that Alex and Michael - even though they’re not even in the same place right now - they’re still adhering to the my-side-your-side. Michael comes into the shot from the left and then the camera actually pans with him, tracking to keep him in the left of the shot. He doesn’t drive in and drive out, what we actually see is him driving in, looking to the right side of the frame and then we cut (below). It’s a hark back to the first episode, which is almost a frame-by-frame comparison except at the end Michael knows who’s standing there and the smile on his face feels almost part pleasure and anticipation at seeing Alex and part getting his armour on (sharp smile, sharper wit) because he doesn’t know what’s coming next. After they kissed at the reunion the sort of almost hope on Michael’s face is painful. 

We cut to Alex (on the right-hand side of the screen), sticking up a ‘you have been evicted’ notice. He’s still in his ACUs, which in many senses as a costume choice could be seen as him keeping a distance from Michael. He’s on Official Air Force Business here, so he needs to keep that respectable, responsible distance. The mid-shot here is also a testament to that; he’s being physically distant because of the nature of his job, the nature of how he has changed as a person. The uniform is a barrier as much as it is anything else, similar to the motif of the colour red referencing Liz and Rosa’s armour (Alex wears a red shirt in the pilot, too, and red is a colour that’s quite often seen in Liz’s wardrobe but styling choices are something entirely different and deserves a meta all of its own). We see it quite clearly in episode one, and again here. 

Under the my-side-your-side rules, the (below) shot where is once again telling; Michael’s home is on the right-hand side of this screen (generally where Alex tends to be in their dynamic, on the right, though it was the left hand of Michael’s that was ruined by Jesse Manes the destruction of their relationships started then and has spiralled out of control ever since, the right-hand side of the screen where home is, where Alex is even if neither of them is willing to admit it just yet, moving across to the right is a step forward, away from the pain of the left, in this framing, Alex represents being closer to home than anything else) and Alex has moved into the left-hand side of the frame. They’re not even remotely in the middle, Alex has gone into Michael’s side of the frame.

There’s a physical barrier - a pole - between them and the house in the shot which carves it in two; Malex and home, visually separated by a stark line down the middle. The lights that are in the frame are dim, and intrusive on the shot. It’s also shot at a further distance than we’re used to, items cluttering the right but a huge open space on the left for Malex. The huge open space, however, makes them look small and tight in their togetherness vs the vast open New Mexico landscape. Them against the emptiness of the world, tight and crammed together.

Visual meta aside, there’s no need for Alex to be so physically close to Michael when he moves away from the door of the airstream, he could have taken any direction - any path - to his vehicle but the one he chose was through Michael. Even now he can’t stay away, can’t fight the tug and push and pull that draws him in.

The vast emptiness of the previous shot is directly contrasted then to the sudden and quick cut the two of them, Michael grabbing Alex and pulling him closer, tugging him in and taunting him. It’s almost a reverse of their dance in the pilot; Michael moves in close, uses Alex’s ACUs to tug him in (tugging on his armour). The camera’s close over Alex’s shoulder and though it’s Michael’s face in the shot, Alex still dominates the frame. We aren’t supposed to be looking at anything else, our eyes aren’t meant to be focused on anything other than this moment right here. 

When we move to look at Alex’s point of view (and I don’t know if anyone’s commented on how Alex reaches out for Michael almost instinctively when Michael tugs him in like a reflex but then grips his hand to pull him away because he’s an airman now and he’s not the man he used to be, literally and metaphorically) the frame is further away, but Alex is still dominating the frame, both his side and Michael’s. It gives us a clue as to Michael’s headspace; Alex is still a huge driving force in his life, in his mind. So even though he’s sassing, he wants to be closer. Alex is the one putting distance between them, here. It’s immediately followed by Michael sassing him which is pretty much Michael’s MO as a defence mechanism; Alex said ‘nope, we can’t do that again’ and Michael’s immediate response is to lash out, go on the defensive, play on the town drunk. (More here in the video breakdown)

OKAY. So, I’m aware that wikipedia isn’t the best resource for information due to it being able to be edited by literally anyone, but here is a link to the USAF insignia and those definitely look like Captain bars, to me, which would mean that teenager Alex “screw authority” Manes grew up to become Captain Manes, and outranks his dad. I’m not an expert on the military at all, and so if you want to know more I would 100% suggest you go read this by the awesome @ober-affen-geil who breaks down the military stuff that we see on the show. Also everything else they’ve written. It’s good. I got lost in her meta tag trying to write this.

Having told Michael to move his rig and there’s separate space between them again, Alex and Michael return to opposite sides of the screen. The contrast here is immense; Alex’s bright “yeah, we’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop, either” comment is flippant and bright, there are no shadows on his face or covering him at all as he makes a joke that Michael knows is anything but. The darkness on the shadows over Michael’s face (below) are a clever lighting choice which shows conflict and unrest. Not just because Alex is leaving, but because the Air Force are buying up The Crash Site. 

Okay, then some stuff happens and I’ll dip into that during the video meta, but then really, the bit that everyone’s interested in. I’ve only included two shots of Cameron and Max’s sex scene because eh, we all know that it’s a you-scratch-my-back kind of situation but it’s cool to look at the positioning vs Malex in theirs. 

So there’s something deeply impersonal about how this is shot, it’s distant and wide-angled, the two of them are pressed together but there’s nothing there that tells us this is anything more than a quick shag in the kitchen. There’s no use of any of the motifs we come to associate with our key pairings (Echo it’s the sun, Malex it’s colour and hands). We’re watching this from a distance, an observer of the most casual kind. There’s a lot going on (what the hell are all those post-its, is that her fridge? Her counter is kinda cluttered, it’s handy her stove’s in the middle of the room on a bank of its own. That green container’s full of shit, are they all her spoons and spatulas and stuff?) which means that our eye isn’t immediately drawn to the hot shirtless Max and really hot off the shoulder shit action Cameron has going on there. It’s distant and impersonal and we’re not meant to get invested.

It’s deliberately interspersed between Malex because of the contrast; casual fuck vs two people coming together after a long time and a decade (minus a couple of days) of longing all culminating in a passionate and desperate kiss. There’s desperation between Max and Cameron too but it’s different. 

So. The second Malex scene.

One of the things I really like about this first shot is how little everything looks. We never see the exterior of Isobel’s house, but from the way it’s shot when we do see it, it’s busy and cluttered and home. Both Max and Michael’s places are set further out; Max’s house is surrounded by empty, isolated space, representative of how lonely he feels - though he’s got Isobel, she’s married and happy and he lost Michael the night Rosa died. 

Michael, too, this shot of his air-stream with the truck in front of it is so small. Alex’s car (SUV? I’m not good with car makes) is right in the centre of the screen and you can see Alex moving into Michael’s space. There’s so much amazing meta out there about their relationship that I could only distantly dream of creating, however there’s a point here about Alex being the one to consistently reach out, and @chasingshhadows did a piece on how Alex speaks with his body - Michael throws words out but Alex talks with touch, with action - and this is the first we see of it: Alex going to Michael, going into his space physically. It makes Alex and Michael look so small in comparison to the expanse around them (and, because I’m a hopeless shipper, small in comparison to the magnitude of their cosmic fucking love, fight me). 

(I’m definitely gonna find a video and do a video meta like I did with the kiss, because ~reasons. REASONS, I TELL YOU)

We see Alex on the left here, starting out, his vulnerability has already been highlighted by how small and tiny he looks walking towards the trailer in a phenomenally wide shot (above). This whole seventeen again talk just breaks me. Not gonna lie. This might get a bit incoherent.

Michael’s in the middle-left of the frame, his position already defensive. His truck’s at his back and the open landscape is in focus behind him (where it was blurred behind Alex above). There’s a vastness that’s indicative of something greater; the use of space to make the two of them seem closer is such a clever choice. The backdrop of distance gives a sense of closeness and isolation to Michael’s trailer, but also to this conversation and them as two people alone in the wilderness (it definitely gives off that kind of vibe). 

Ugh, just. My heart. This scene. Alex approaching Michael (this is, of course, after Isobel’s pointed “is there really no one you would risk everyone to save?” comment at the Pony - which correct me if I’m wrong but we haven’t even seen M&M interacting yet, so all of these heavy lines, the dialogue cues, everything supports our cosmic love story, right from the getgo.)

They full on invade each other’s framing here; Michael in the middle-left, Alex in the middle-right, the vulnerability of the situation and the backdrop forcing them to share a space that’s intimiate. The camera’s close, but it’s not too close, so we’re more intimate than the (to be spliced but analysed above) scenes of Cameron and Max and these guys have their clothes on. (And Alex isn’t in his ACUs because he’s not on official business but his father seems to wear them all the time which means the dude needs to take a break every now and then but it’s also significant because that is one of Alex’s barriers down; he’s in his own clothes, clothes that are comfortable and not a uniform that he’s hidden behind and squished himself into a box to wear. It’s another step, another concession to being something for Michael)

The invasion of the frame is important; it sets up an inability to stay out of each other’s space, something that’s all part of a cosmic love story - you know, I’m not sure if you heard this but the two of them just connected like something cosmic - how they drift in and out of each other’s space, right from the first time they see each other.

I promised a video breakdown of the scene and here it is: I never look away, not really, A Cinematographic Breakdown - Part of The Semiotics of Roswell Meta. 

I’ll wait. Come back when you’ve watched them make out some. I’ll stick the link at the bottom again, just in case.

So even though they’ve been invading each other’s spaces this entire scene so far, this is the second time Michael watches Alex walk away and the way he surges to grab hold of him, how he takes up the entire frame just by stretching his arm out and rocking his body and the expanse of wilderness behind him is so telling about where his state is. He’s alone in the world and the person who’s making him feel less alone - who is also alone in the world - is moving away. 

When Alex looks back at him, they’ve got their my-side-your-side framing on and Michael’s still a presence felt here, even though Alex is meant to be the focus. Our eyes follow Alex’s gaze, which tracks us over to Michael. In the seconds that follow, as we all know, they go into the trailer to start it rockin’. But the camera never leaves the close, focused attention it bathes Malex in here. We’re meant to look at them both, unlike Cam & Max, there’s nothing else to focus on here but them. No interesting cupboard or fridge displays, no beer bottle and random green thing filled with utensils. Just Michael and Alex.

Before diving into the framing of the kiss, I just want to touch on the circular nature of this scene. We see it starting with this same wide shot, Alex and Michael looking tiny and alone, we end it with the same shot but neither of them are there. This serves as a reminder of how alone they are right now, how separate and distant and isolated which then gives us a real sense of claustrophobia and intimacy and allows us to feel the difference in vibe between outside and inside (as if we don’t already, but you know what I mean).

Here in the two shots above we see Alex looking ready to instigate, moving into Michael’s side of the frame and though we know it’s Michael that crashes into Alex, the implication here is that Alex is the initiator; he turned up at the ranch, he walked into the air stream (I will never get over Michael’s shaking hand), he’s the one that leans forward here to tell Michael yes, this, i want this now please. We follow from a fixed camera position, frozen in anticipation as to what’ll happen next.

The whole rest of the scene is dizzying; they surge together to the middle of the screen and we’re looking up at this kiss, the camera’s tilted upwards so we’re in a lower position, signifying the importance and overbearing nature of this relationship, how it makes the camera move and swing and then we get the close up on their kisses (below) and they dominate the frame so close and tight that there’s literally no room for anything else.

We shift angles a little here; though it’s all pretty quick for something so steamy and epic. We go from a off-centre shot (above) to a centre shot (below) which gives us the full glory of Alex’s fingers sinking and twisting in Michael’s hair as they kiss like it’s the only oxygen in the tiny space. We’re still crowded close and tight, there’s no room to breathe which allows the audience to get truly caught up in the moment. We’re back viewing them from a level angle, too, allowing us to get sucked in.

The snap away from the close up to the mid-shot is purposeful and the centre focus of Michael (below) gives us a moment to breathe without actually allowing us any space from what’s happening. This taps back into the voyeuristic tone of the Malex kisses, though, as the camera bobs as a person would, Alex and Michael’s world rocking the same way ours does at the realisation that they are about to do the sex thing.

Excuse me, Michael Vlamis, how dare you have such a fucking filthy expression on your face (below) and not expect this pairing to have sailed more ship than Helen of Troy? 

The camera swings again, cutting to Michael pushing Alex onto the bed. Over the progression of the scene, it’s been slowly swamped in a sort of 1980s dusky yellow, adding a sense of nostalgia, almost sinking the scene into sepia. It feels like a dance they’ve done before, the force with which Michael pushes Alex back (below) makes Alex look almost like he’s not sure that they’re gonna go through with this - maybe it’s too much, it’s too long (close up angle, can’t breathe, sepia-yellow like tea-stained photographs - too old, is it the past?) but then Michael strips and we all scream into oblivion. 

Up next week, episode 1x03! Until next time, folks!

(tagging by request: @space-malex​, @istilfeelicantrustyou​, @ineverthoughtiwouldneedasideblog​, @lire-casander​, @i-never-look-away​, @stydiaeverafter​, @signoraviolettavalery​, @saadiestuff​, @callieramics​, @ubiestcaelum​, @tasyfa. if you wanna be tagged in future posts, let me know!)

[hysterialevi]

Abraham - A RDR2 Fanfic

Fanfic summary [NO SPOILERS]: Lyle Morgan and his eleven-year-old son have a conversation about Beatrice’s death, only for the boy to witness a second one.

Warning(s): Mild language

Author’s note: Bear with me if not everything in this story is correct. I’m not entirely sure where Arthur’s originally from (all I’ve heard is that he’s from somewhere in the north), so I just made something up lol. Also, this fic will only be one part. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

From Lyle’s POV

A FOREST SOMEWHERE IN MONTANA

SUMMER, 1874

Strollin’ through the tall, thick grass, I led my mount around the forest at a casual pace while my son sat on top, consumed by his journal as always. It was an hour or two before midday, and right now, there was a radiant blanket o’ sunshine bathing the entire forest, painting everything with a golden tint. It was beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day out here...but this feeling of annoyance just wouldn’t stop naggin’ me, and I knew exactly why.

I briefly glanced over my shoulder, peering at my son as he scribbled something down in the weathered pages of his journal.

A quick sigh escaped me.

I didn’t know who the hell Arthur got his interest in art from, or why Beatrice even bothered buying him that book, but that child just couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from it. Every time I came across the boy, he was always scratchin’ down some fantasy world of his, or creating images of a utopia I ain’t ever seen. It was pointless.

He spent more time daydreamin’ in that book than he did playing outside, or hunting, or fishing -- hell, he didn’t even know how to read -- and yet, Beatrice seemed perfectly content with it.

Or at least...she did.

Beatrice weren’t around no more. She was killed by bandits a few months ago. Robbed. Left on the side o’ the road for the crows to feed on. But Arthur didn’t know that. Sheriff told him it was a wild animal that took her. A wolf, to be exact. And he believed him.

I dragged a hand down my face, suddenly feelin’ exhausted just thinking about it.

Had I done the right thing, not tellin’ Arthur the truth about his own mother’s death, I wondered? I figured the kid didn’t need to know the morbid details, or even the entire truth, but I still felt like a piece of shit for not revealing the full story -- especially considering that them bandits who killed Beatrice...killed her ‘cause of me.

I had stolen something from them. Somethin’ valuable. And before it fell into their dirty hands, that “something” apparently belonged to a rich plantation owner who really wanted it back. Ended up gettin’ one of the bandits hanged, and left them thirsty for revenge. But they didn’t have the strength to go after the plantation owner. So, they came after me instead.

They chased me for quite a while. They chased me across the mountains, across the swamps, across the goddamned snow...until finally, they came to their senses and realized there were much better, more convenient ways of hurtin’ me. And thus, their paths diverted to my wife and son.

Those bastards managed to corner her while she was ridin’ to town to do some shopping. Found her on some secluded road between here and the nearest settlement, and ensured she would never return. That was when Arthur went lookin’ for help to find his missing mother hours later, and the sheriff assured him a wolf had gotten to Beatrice.

Christ. I really was a terrible father, weren’t I? Not only did I pay more attention to a bottle o’ whiskey than my own wife, I had also neglected Arthur for years on end, and indirectly gotten his mother killed. And the boy was only eleven.

He had spent half of his life not knowing a damned thing about where his daddy was, or even what he did, only to lose the one parent he already had before he could find out.

Lord...there had to be some way to make this up to him.

I looked back at the boy, suddenly feeling an urge to say something -- anything -- to him.

“Arthur,” I called out, catching the kid’s attention as his head perked up from behind the journal’s pages, “put that damned book away for a moment, will you?”

The boy hurriedly marked his place in the journal with a pen and shut it closed, resting the object on the saddle’s surface as he hung his head low in shame.

“...Sorry, sir.” He murmured.

I shook my head, lettin’ out a concerned breath.

“You spend far too much time in that journal. It was a mistake to buy it.”

Arthur’s eyes wandered to the trees towering around us.

“I’m sorry, dad,” he apologized timidly. “But I like drawing.”

I scoffed. “Yeah? Well, I like Poker. But I ain’t got time to play it. Too busy worryin’ about survival, and keeping the both of us fed. You can’t always do what you want, Arthur. You gotta provide. Things like drawing, gambling...they’re frivolous. We got better things to worry about.”

The child quirked a brow. “Friv-uh-less...? What’s that mean?”

“It means we don’t need to do it,” I explained. “What we do need, however, is to eat. So put that journal away and keep an eye out for deer. You was the one who suggested we come out here in the first place.”

Arthur frowned in a discouraged manner. “Yes, sir.”

I gave him a stern nod. “Good boy. Now...you said you seen a big buck out here?”

The boy pointed ahead. “Yeah. It was by the river.”

I gave the reins a little tug, urging my horse to follow me. “Then that’s where we’ll start. C’mon, Boadicea.”

Continuing our little hunting trip, Arthur and I traveled deeper into the lively woods as creatures of all types scurried around us, rustling blades of grass and alerting the tiny insects that hovered above the plants.

There was a rather peaceful mood to the forest today -- a welcome change considerin’ how chaotic my life usually was -- and I had to admit: some part of me enjoyed being here with Arthur. I rarely ever got to see the boy because of my work as an outlaw, and when I did, he always seemed reluctant to leave the house. Whether that was because he was more of an indoors person, or simply ‘cause he weren’t eager to spend time with me -- I didn’t know. But it was good to be with him regardless.

Approaching the large river, I came to a temporary halt as I crouched down and examined the ground, carefully searchin’ for any tracks that could’ve possibly led us to the buck.

The area here appeared undisturbed -- save for the fish flopping in and out of the babbling water -- and as far as I could tell, there weren’t no deer running around this section of the forest. Not at the moment, anyway. Maybe they were at a different part of the river.

I took a closer look at the grass, only to be torn away from my thoughts when Arthur raised a question.

“Dad?” He asked softly. “Can I...can I ask you something? About momma?”

I paused, thrown off-guard by the sudden change in tone.

“Momma?” I repeated, slowly turning towards the boy. “Why you wanna talk about her?”

Arthur’s expression sank with sorrow.

“It’s just...you knew her better than I did. Or longer, I guess. And I don’t remember her that good. ...Do you?”

I gazed at him in a puzzled manner, admittedly still a bit taken aback by the abrupt question.

“...Clear as day,” I replied, unwilling to sift through the painful memories. “But that don’t matter. She’s...she ain’t coming back, Arthur. No one does, once they die. Ain’t no point in lingerin’ in the past when it can only haunt you. All we can do is move on. You understand?”

Clearly a bit hurt by my response, Arthur dropped the subject and averted his eyes from me, peering over at a nearby gathering of flowers instead.

He slouched despondently. “...I understand.”

That wasn’t good enough for me. I took a step towards him.

“Look at me when you say that, Arthur,” I demanded. “It’s important you look people in the eye when you speak to them.”

The boy brought his line of sight back to me, his face veiled behind a very subtle layer of fear.

He straightened his back a bit. “I understand.”

I nodded in approval. “Good. Now...let’s get back to huntin’ this buck. You sure it was around the river?”

Arthur gazed around. “I saw it this morning when I was playing with Copper,” he confirmed. “It was drinkin’ water right here. That’s when I came to get you.”

I observed the dirt underneath me, squinting my eyes as I searched for clues. The grass in these parts was quite thick, so that made it even tougher to spot fur, or dung -- and I still didn’t see any deer tracks -- but it certainly looked like another animal had been around here.

I kneeled down, shuffling the grass outta the way with my hand.

“It looks like some wild horses might’ve passed through this area,” I examined. “But no sign of deer. Oh, well...the day is still young, and we have some time, so we’ll keep looking.” I gestured to a nearby bridge. “Let’s try over there.”

Grabbing my horse’s reins, I continued to guide it through the woods as Arthur scouted the area for me, his big blue eyes scanning the sharp horizon while the sun escalated in the sky. There was a certain determination in his temperament now, and the longer we carried on trying to locate this buck, the more my son seemed to be enjoying himself.

Perhaps there was hope for us, after all.

“...Dad?” The boy called again, making me flick my eyes to the side. “What if there are wolves out here?”

I encouraged him to stay calm. “Now, don’t you go worryin’ about that. If we see wolves out here, we’ll be fine. We’re armed, we’re fast, and we’re smart.”

Arthur wasn’t convinced. “...Momma was smart.”

I sighed in a melancholic tone at that. “Yes...she was. But...Momma was killed by a different type of wolf.”

He tilted his head in a puzzled manner. “What d’you mean?”

I gestured to my rifle. “Not all wolves are the same, Arthur. Some use their teeth, some use their guns, and some use their tongue. You gotta be able to identify them when you see ‘em.”

The kid didn’t say it flat out, but I could tell he knew what I was really talkin’ about.

“Those sound more like people.” He replied. I let out a gentle chuckle.

“People can be worse than wolves, Arthur. In fact, I’d prefer a wolf over some o’ the people I’ve met.”

Arthur leaned forward in the saddle, his body swaying along with Boadicea’s steady speed.

“What kinda people have you met?”

I lowered my voice, thinking back to the bandits who killed Beatrice.

“Killers. Thieves. Deceivers. Men who will constantly betray each other even though they share the same motive: greed.”

I turned to Arthur with a remorseful look, hopin’ to do at least one right thing in my life, and use myself as a cautionary tale that money weren’t as clean as it seemed.

“...Greed,” I told him, “it breaks people, Arthur. They may not realize it, ‘cause greed can get you far in this world...but the reward ain’t worth it. Not compared to the things you have to sacrifice. In the end, you’ll have tons of cash, only to realize that there are luxuries not even millionaires can afford.”

His innocence took over. “Then why do they do it?”

That was a question I asked myself everyday. I shrugged in a disheartened fashion.

“Because they don’t care. So long as their pockets is heavy, and their bellies is full, they’ll keep on going. But like I said, greed poisons you. It kills you. And you won’t even notice until you’re already sittin’ in a grave. So promise me, Arthur, promise me that when you get to my age...you won’t become a wolf.”

Despite evidently bein’ a little confused, the child was able to make some sense of what I just said and agreed to the promise, reassuring me with a small smile.

“I promise.”

“Good boy,” I praised, bringing my mind back to the main reason we came out here. “Anyway, here’s the bridge. Why don’t you hop down and help me find this buck?”

“Okay.”

Sliding down the saddle, Arthur effortlessly climbed down and joined me, scurrying ‘round like a mouse while he searched for any signs of the buck. But so far, there was nothing in sight.

“See anything?” I checked. The boy shook his head.

I wiped some sweat off my brow, letting out a fatigued sigh. This animal was certainly proving to be a challenge to hunt down. We had already been in this forest for a couple hours now, and our efforts still hadn’t paid off. Part o’ me was almost starting to suspect if Arthur even saw a deer in the first place, and not some other kinda animal.

I decided to take a short break, and turned to ask the boy.

“You positive the buck was roamin’ around in these parts? Or that it was a buck at all? I haven’t seen any tracks so far.”

A soft rustle suddenly reached my ears, interrupting my conversation with Arthur as I reached for my gun, only to be stopped by a sound I didn’t expect.

It was a man’s voice.

“...Don’t even think about it,” the stranger warned, cocking his own gun. “I will shoot if necessary.”

Freezing at the intrusion, I remained perfectly still and didn’t utter a single word as a pair of footsteps steadily approached me from behind, followed by two more men coming in from the front on horseback.

They were all dressed in similar outfits donned with Nevada hats, and I couldn’t help but notice the star-shaped badges shimmerin’ blatantly on their chests.

Shit. These were lawmen. What the hell were they doin’ out here? I never expected the law to travel this far into the country. This was definitely odd.

What really puzzled me though, weren’t the fact that there were three lawmen just...waitin’ for us out here -- it was more the fact that Arthur didn’t seem phased by any of this in the slightest. Just what exactly was goin’ on?

Trotting closer to me, one of the mounted men glowered in my direction as he ordered his deputy to restrain me, his firm, steel eyes never wavering.

I recognized him instantly.

“...Sheriff Buchanan.” I muttered through gritted teeth.

He returned the greeting, scowling from under his hat’s rim.

“Lyle Morgan.”

I shrugged at him, unsure of what to make of the situation.

“What is this shit? What’s the sheriff doing all the way out here?”

Buchanan glanced at Arthur, standing in front of him in a protective manner.

“I told you I’d use every option I had to get you behind bars, Morgan...and I meant it. You made the choice not to heed my warning.”

Taking a second to process what he just told me, the realization suddenly hit me like a bullet to the gut as I stared at Arthur with a sense of immense betrayal, unable to believe what was happening.

There never was no goddamned buck.

Things was never gonna work out for me and Arthur.

This was all a trap.

My own...son...had turned me in.

He was the bait, and Buchanan was the true hunter.

I clenched my jaw in rage, doing my absolute best to shield my emotions as the deputy kicked me to my knees.

“...A-Arthur...?” I whispered, my voice trembling.

The boy looked me straight in the eye, standing adamantly beside Buchanan as his deputies tied me up. I threw a glare at the sheriff, damning him till my last moments.

“You bastard, Buchanan...!” I cursed. “You turned my own damned son against me...?!”

The man showed no guilt and tightened his grip on his rifle, silently advising me to stay back.

“No need,” Buchanan denied. “You drove him to me all by yourself.”

He placed a gentle hand on Arthur’s shoulder and guided him towards the second deputy, ordering them to bring him back to town.

“Clayton, bring the boy back to the office. We’ll figure out where to send him later. For now though, just keep him safe, and look after him.”

“Right away, Sheriff.”

Preparing both his horse and mine for departure, the deputy left Arthur next to the sheriff as the boy stood firmly in place, his innocent yet damaged gaze never leavin’ mine.

Despite the hint of remorse clouding the child’s eyes, it was pretty obvious Arthur felt he made the right decision in turning me in. And just as Buchanan’s second deputy started to drag me away, I couldn’t help but notice a beautiful Whitetail buck wanderin’ around in the distance, its majestic antlers standing out like a crown on a monarch’s head as it bathed in the golden sunlight.

The animal swayed its head in my direction, almost as if trying to communicate with me.

“I’m sorry, dad,” Arthur whispered as he walked towards Clayton, blocking the buck in the process. “...But you made me promise.”

Taking his leave, the boy finally mounted up and steadily trotted away from the scene, only to reveal an empty spot where the buck once stood as he left the forest.

Well...I may have found the buck like I planned, but it weren’t my job to kill it.

And it certainly weren’t my place to look for it.

I could hunt them down to my heart’s content, and kill ‘em all I wanted for my own desires...but in the end, they would always be able to afford the one luxury I’d never obtained.

Peace.

[dotzines]

Artist spotlight: Lunarin-Arts!

✿ Commissions ✿ Instagram ✿ DeviantArt ✿ Twitter ✿ Tumblr

Header source: [X]  

Introduce yourself I am Lonneke! But online I prefer going by the name Rumii. I am currently 20 years old and I live in the Netherlands. In my spare time I like drawing (of course), Cosplaying and Gaming. I used to be really into anime, And I still have favourites like Kamisama hajimemashita, Black butler and hetalia. But right now I am more of an artist/ gamer. In which I play alot of Overwatch, which would be my main fandom. and Story rich games like NieR; Automata. I love meeting new people, and especially other artists. Even though I tend to be a bit shy at first //especially in large groups Nonetheless I hope we can get along!! And Im very excited to try out zines. as I have never done them before. When did you start drawing? Are you a digital or traditional artist? I started drawing in last grade of primary school, so around the age of 11/12. I primarily started out traditionally, but quickly picked up on digital art. Mainly using MS Paint when I just started out. Next thing I know I had a drawing tablet and extensively used Paint tool SAI. So I would say I am a digital artist. Though I do traditional as well, but I don't upload traditional art as much.  Do you use any traditional mediums? If so, which are your favorites? I have! for traditional work I just use whatever pencils I have around for sketching. Micron fineliners for Linearting. I don't color my works often, but have started getting some copic markers, pro markers and twin markers to try out. I like using the copic markers alot, they are very expensive.. but I can just feel how much better the quality is compared to my other markers.

image source: [X]   Why do you prefer traditional over digital? (or viceversa) I highly prefer digital, mainly because it's way more easy to manipulate your works, edit any smaller mistakes without having to draw them over again. and from lineart on, nothing you do is permanent. Plus I can use way more colors than I can on traditional mediums right now. What do you think is the most challenging part about being a traditional/digital artist? I think the biggest challenges for me were getting accustomed to my drawing tablet. I mean it really takes some time to get used to the pressure, and it really feels different than draiwng directly on paper. and after that getting familiar with the drawing programs. I just switched programs again and I am still figuring out all the tools. So even though I think digital mediums make things alot more easy, it takes a long time to get everything out of it. even years later you can discover a function you never knew of. which will elevate your art even more. What inspires your pieces? I take inspiration from various places, I like doing challenges, or just fanart. but also alot from music. it can get me into a certain mood or I can just see a piece that fits with the music. and then try sketching it out while listening to this song. I also like looking around for special things like 'mermay' for example. Look at the themes and just try to imagine what kind of piece I can do with that.

image source: [X]   Explain your "everyday" drawing process I kinda take I gotta explain how I get through an artwork? well, first of course I try to find my inspiration. Or I already have a vague idea of what I want to do. And I make a super super rough sketch. then I go over it and add slightly more details. My sketches are still usually very messy. but I love that when I lineart I can make everything pretty and detailed. and it looks better compared to the sketch. Which is obviously my next step. After that I lay down base coloring in seperate layers. Always starting with skincolor > Haircolor > eyes > bigger parts of clothes > smaller parts of clothes > details If I have background I try to go with the biggest parts like the sky or ground or whatever first. and move up from bigger to smaller things pretty much. I work very organized so I always have my layers in different maps. Usually one for each character, and for the entire BG. sometimes also different ones for different parts of the background. so it's easy to find back if I have to fix something in a certain part of my artwork. Besides this I also sometimes do more painted works, I have only done those in portraits so far. But in those I made the sketch > put colors below it > merge layers > start the shading part by part on top of it. usually working back to front on which colors overlap eachother Do you have an artist you admire (or more than one)?

I have a few people I know that inspire me, like Chance-To-Draw on DA ( https://www.deviantart.com/chance-to-draw ) And my best friend of mine who doesn't really upload her works anywhere anymore ;;-;; So I can only admire her through our discord server >< I also love Lord_Gris (https://www.instagram.com/lord_gris/) alot! And Rosuuri (https://www.instagram.com/rosuuriart/) ofc those are a few well-known artists. I follow alot more people with amazing art but gosh I can't possibly list all of them here >< I just like seeing a variety of different art styles and OC's Is there an artwork you are most proud of? Why? Right now I'd say this one; http://fav.me/dd4acw5 I just..love how the coloring turned out. this was a really hard painted piece to do aaa >< especially her hair. But Im just so happy with it! I really feel like I have been improving my coloring again lately and I can't get enough of it jgkdhf

Do you listen to music (or tv shows/films/anything else) when drawing? YEees, I listen to vocaloid covers alot, actually. also covers from other things. just..alot of covers. or original fanbase songs ahah A few examples here; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwMZhdyZHVI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNoy_b_JYU0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPMhkIiapIA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPw-0vctJJQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tr014nQ4pk

image source: [X]   What makes art interesting for you? For me it started alot as a way to vent my emotions. It calms me down to draw when I am sad, angry or happy even. I love being able to look back and see the improvement. and know that in 2 years I will once again look back at the stuff I am currently very proud of. and know I can already do so much better than that! This is really what keeps it interesting to me, I think. What do you do when art block strikes? //Cry// Jk, To be honest. I either try to break through and search for any inspiration. Or I just call it a day and go game or listen to music. In the last 1.5/2 years I have had a massive art block. I was dissapointed in my own art. didn't know what to draw anymore. and didn't see the point of continuing. Just recently I found a new art program. which in this case helped me get out of this huge slump. and I'm ready to be a bit more active. and get into new projects and broaden my horizon's in general What’s the most valuable art advice you’ve ever received?

Well, I haven't asked for alot of advice before. but a while ago I sortof got the advice to use references more often. After which I feel alot less afraid to do so. and feel like my works are getting alot better. and I find it easier to start on things after searching for pose or background refs

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 32 - 33

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Aedion had been up half the night, debating the merits of every possible place to meet his father.

I am such a sucker for good parent/child relationships in fiction (extra bonus points if it’s adopted parents/child relationship) but honestly Assdion needs to stay the fuck away.

Beforehand Assdion put Lysandra to bet after she shifted back from some other form.

[Aedion] flipped back the crisp cotton sheets with one hand and then laid [Lysandra] down, her once-again long hair covering her high, firm breasts. So much smaller than the ones he’d first seen her with. He didn’t care what size they were—they were beautiful in both forms.

Uhhh does SJM not get how creepy this sounds? Lysandra is asleep and Aedion is staring at her boobs thinking about how beautiful they are?? God damnit SJM just stick to erotica if your characters are gonna be horny 24/7.

Lysandra made [Aedion] change out of his dirty travel clothes, barged into Aelin and Rowan’s room wearing no more than her own bedsheet, and took whatever she wanted from the Fae Prince’s armoire. Aelin’s barked Get out! was likely heard from across the bay, and Lysandra was smirking with feline wickedness as she returned, chucking the green jacket and pants at him.

This sounds like the beginning of a college fic where all the characters live in the same dorm. Not a fucking epic fantasy series constantly compared to LOTR. Tolkien must be rolling in his grave.

Dorian stirred, a cool breeze fluttering in as if his magic awoke as well, squinted at them both, then at the clock atop the mantel.

WHAT. Is this a medieval settings or not? The characters all use swords and bow and arrows and there’s hints of medieval Britain monarchies everywhere but the characters have clocks? What is this word building?

Gods, the females in his court ate more than [Aedion] did.

This is prompted after Lysandra eats breakfast. After we have already been told she burns a lot of energy with her shape shifting. Go fuck yourself, Assdion.

Aedion opened the door, finding the cadre precisely where he’d guessed they’d be at this hour: eating breakfast in the taproom. The two males halted as they entered. And Aedion’s eyes went right to the golden-haired man—one of two, but … there was no denying which one was … his.

I am actually so stressed. Either A) Aedion is gonna act like a dick to his poor father and be treated as right for it, or B) SJM is gonna turn Gav into a dick just so Aedion can angst over his daddy issues. Place your bets, folks.

“You look … ,” Gavriel breathed, sinking into his chair. “You look so much like her [Aedion’s mom].”

HHHHH SJM STOP I HATE THIS SHITTY BOOK AND ASSDION I DON’T WANT THESE FEELS....

“They could have cured [mama Aedion] in the Fae compounds, but she wouldn’t go near them, wouldn’t let them come for fear of Maeve”—[Aedion] spat the name—“knowing I existed. For fear I’d be enslaved to her as you were.”

I wish Assdion’s mom could’ve been a character, but nope, gotta kill off potentially awesome characters for the sake of main character pain. I know that’s just a thing that happens in 95% of stories at this point, but SJM literally only brings these dead characters up once or twice and it has no other impact on her main characters or the plot.

“I’m sorry,” his father said, those Lion’s eyes full of such grief Aedion wondered if he’d just struck a male already down. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” he said, turning toward the door.

Am I a dumb dumb, or... who the fuck is Assdion talking about? Is he talking about apologizing to.. Assdion’s mom? I’m so confused.

Assdion stomps out after his little tantrum. I mean, I understand why he’s upset, but... I need context? Was Gav forced to take the blood oath to Maeve, or was it his own choice? ‘Cause if it was the latter yeah he’s kinda a shitty dad, but if it’s the former, it’s not his fault??? This series is batshit confusing.

“We need them to work with us. I might have made an enemy of him.” [Lysandra] tucked her hair over a shoulder. “Trust me, Aedion, you have not. If you’d told him to crawl over hot coals, he would have.”

HHHH FUCK IT GAV IS A GOOD DAD..... I just feel so so sorry for him. He’s just a punching bag for everyone else. Protect Gav 2k18

He laughed, surprised he could even do so. “He’s a handsome bastard, I’ll give him that.” “I think Maeve likes to collect pretty men.” Aedion snorted. “Why not? She has to deal with them for eternity. They might as well be pleasant to look at.”

I mean a lot of those men have confirmed that they were forced to take the blood oath and are now basically slaves to her but sure, tee hee oh Maeve that slutty bitch, collecting only the hottest young men to enslave! Fuckin’ end me.

Bearing both Goldryn and Damaris for once, Aelin walked into the Sea Dragon two hours later and wished for the days when she could sleep without the dread or urgency of something pulling at her.

Greaaat, back to Alien’s POV.

A grand total of five minutes before Lysandra barged in, Rowan had awoken—and begun the process of awakening her, too. Slowly, with taunting, proprietary strokes down her bare torso, her thighs, accented with little biting kisses to her mouth, her ear, her neck.

EWWWWWWW if I wanted to read this shit, I’d go look up fanfiction. Preferably fanfiction with characters I’m endeared to and actually ship. Skip!

Gavriel and Fenrys were now sitting with Rolfe at the table in the back of the taproom, no sign of Aedion, both a bit wide-eyed as she swaggered in.

This is a nit pick but Gav/Fenrys always being described together irks me. They have the literal same reaction to everything. Like, are they doing this all in unison? Actually, that’s a pretty funny mental image.

Rowan took up a spot beside [Aelin] his knee brushing hers. Like even a few feet of distance was unbearable.

GDI. It’s a meeting. With a Pirate Lord. And all Rowboat can think about is getting his dick wet inside of Alien. I’m almost ready to tap out.

“What is this,” [Aelin] said, stabbing a finger near the main line of figures stretched across the middle of the continent. “It’s the latest report,” Rolfe drawled, “of the locations of Morath’s armies. They have moved into position. Aid to the North is now impossible. And they stand poised to strike Eyllwe.”

Ooo, action scene? Please action scene, I cannot handle any more scenes of these assholes being horny around one another.

Next chapter!

“Eyllwe has no standing army,” Aelin said, feeling the blood drain from her face. “There is nothing and no one to fight after this spring—save for rebel militia bands.”

Starts right where the last one left off, as per SJM’s protocol

Rowan said to Rolfe, “Do you have exact numbers?” “No,” the captain said. “The news was given only as a warning—to keep any shipments away from the Avery. I wanted their opinions”—a nod of the chin toward the cadre—“for handling it.“

??? Is it me or is this expression really fucking weird? Was “a nod of the head” not good enough?

“Why attack Eyllwe, though?” Fenrys asked. “And why move into position but not sack it?” [Aelin] couldn’t say the words aloud. That she’d brought this upon Eyllwe by mocking Erawan, because he knew who Celaena Sardothien had cared for, and he wanted to break her spirit, her heart, by showing her what his armies could do. What they would do, whenever he now felt like it. Not to Terrasen … but to the kingdom of the friend she’d loved so dearly.

Once again, we’re about to witness the destruction of a kingdom and all Alien cares about is her stupid feelings. Go fuck yourself Alien.

“You are the heir of the Mycenian people,” Aelin said. “And I have come to claim the debt you owe my bloodline on that account, too.” Rolfe did not move, did not blink. “Or were all the sea dragon references from some personal fetish?” Aelin asked.

SJM JUST USED THE WORD “FETISH” IN HER EPIC FANTASY SERIES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

[Aelin] allowed a flicker of her magic to rise to the surface then, allowed the gold in her eyes to glow like bright flame. Gavriel and Fenrys straightened as her power filled the room, filled the city. The Wyrdkey between her breasts began thrumming, whispering.

I’m sorry, lovely readers, I keep ragging on about this, but holy fuck. I hate it so much. SJM wants this scene to be all epic and show what a special snowflake badass Alien is but then she undercuts all that supposed tension by drawing focus to her boobs I just. ajhdafdfagfds dj hdsa im b rea kin  g

Alien lets loose some of her power that literally shakes the world and rings bells or some shit? idk i guess its 2deep4me

“What the rutting hell was that?” Rolfe at last demanded. Fenrys and Gavriel became very interested in the map before them. Rowan said smoothly, “Milady has to release bits of her power daily or it can consume her.”

ROWBOAT CONFIRMED FOR NICE GUY HOLY SHIT

Aedion and Lysandra arrived after some time—and her cousin only spared Gavriel a passing glance as he stood over the map and fell into that general’s mindset, demanding details large and minute. But Gavriel silently stared up at his son, watching her cousin’s eyes dart over the map, listening to the sound of his voice as if it were a song he was trying to memorize.

Gav deserves a better series than this. I want to take him, Manon, Darrow, and Rolfe away so they can be at peace. How does Darrow/Gavriel sound to everyone? Pure old dads who rule their kingdom fairly, bringing peace and prosperity forward. What a lovely image.

SJM described the meeting rather than shows. It’s basically 90% everyone gushing over how powerful Alien is. Skip!

“You once said I would pay for my arrogance. And I did. Many times. But Sam and I took on your entire city and fleet and destroyed it. All for two hundred lives you deemed less than human. So perhaps I’ve been underestimating myself. Perhaps I do not need you after all.” [Aelin] turned again, and Rolfe sneered, “Did Sam die still pining after you, or did you finally stop treating him like filth?”

Dick move, maybe, but I mean... he’s not wrong. The Assassin’s Blade is literally just Alien being pissy towards Sam for no reason and then he gets angry when their master beats lAlien’s face in (you know, what any normal functioning human being would react like) and she’s suddenly frothing at the mouth to fuck him. Maybe I should review TAB next.........

Rowboat chokes Rolfe and throws him down, and everyone smirks. How are these characters adults? They’re all written like immature teenagers. Anyways, a bell rings out, signifying something bad.

Aelin watched as black - darker than the ink that had been etched there - spread across [Rolfe’s] fingers, to his palms. Black such as only the Valg could bring.

Please action scene I can’t handle one more “witty’ “banter” conversation between these assholes

The door banged open, and Rolfe’s towering figure filled it. “You.” Aelin put a hand on her chest. “Me?”

Pfft. I hated that I snickered at this, but I always laugh at the “dramatic hand on chest” joke.

“And what of your idealism—what of that child who stole two hundred slaves from me? You’d leave the people of this island to perish?” “Yes,” she said simply. “I told you, Rolfe, that Endovier taught me some things.” Rolfe swore. “Do you think Sam would stand for this?” “Sam is dead,” she said, “because men like you and Arobynn have power. But Arobynn’s reign is now over.” She smiled at the darkening horizon. “Seems like yours might end rather soon as well.”

Sam deserves better than this. He was an okay guy to my memory - not a poisonous fuck boy like Rowboat.

“Eight warships teeming with soldiers —at least a hundred on each, more on the lower levels I couldn’t see. They’re flanked by two sea-wyverns. All moving so fast that it’s like storm winds carry them.”

FUCK YEAAAH SEA DRAGONS LETS GO

Rolfe finally breaks down and agrees to join Alien’s war effort. Love it when one of the few good characters is kicked and beaten down to prop up the despicable protagonist. Then we swap to Dorian’s POV.

Aelin was insane, Dorian realized. Brilliant and wicked, but insane. And perhaps the greatest, most unremorseful liar he’d ever encountered.

Dorian, honey, you okay? Blink twice if Alien is holding you captive.

This war would not be won on smiles and manners. It would be won by a woman willing to gamble with an entire island full of people to get what she needed to save them all.

Yeah, doesn’t that make Alien likeable! I know war involves sacrifice and death but Jesus, could she feel even a little remorse? Innocent people may die today but Aelin’s head is so far up her own ass she doesn’t even care.

Fenrys kept at a distance from the others, but Gavriel remained close, his gaze still fixed on his son. Gods, they looked so much alike, moved alike, the Lion and the Wolf.

Stop ittttt Gavriel deserves better.....

Aelin tells Dorian to stay behind and the chapter ends. God, that was a lot of bullshit in two chapters.

[etherecls]

what up im moose, im 20, and i never fucking learned how to read. im rly excited to be here w/ my bby gel and i hope yall like her messy ass !! id rly love to plot with all of u so if you want to plot with lil ole me HMU or LIKE THIS and i will come to you !! some more info about gel under the cut~

( alissa violet )? no that’s ( angelica ‘gel’ waters ) the ( twenty ) year old ( tattoo artist ). who has been in town ( one year ) and reminds everyone of ( lipstick stained cigarette butts, scraped knees, and ripped fishnets ). maybe it has something to do with the fact the ( cisfemale ) is always ( manipulative & impetuous ) or ( imaginative & audacious ). either way ( she ) is apart of the town.

she was born & raised in florida & she’s rhysand’s bby sister !!!!!

for the most part she goes by gel bc that’s just what her friends have always called her, but her family calls her angie. if anyone else calls her angie they’ll get a smack but….she puts up w it at home because she is highkey a family gal & luvs them

she was always raised to be the best person she could be. she was raised to be kind and always try hard and just be a good person and.....she’s got like half of it down

for as long as she can remember she’s always been kind of an artsy girl. she is.....a musical prodigy & started playing cello when she was v young and kept it up to this day. she never rly wanted to pursue music as a career but writing music & playing the cello helps her de-stress when she needs it

she also has always been pretty good at art in general & was 100% the type of kid to always doodle all over her notes and get scolded for having pen drawings all over her legs when she got home from school

art is her Passion™ and as much as her parents supported her hobby, they didn’t want her to make a career out of it. 

instead they planned her future together which would eventually include her going off to college to become a teacher

that being said she’s always been a bit of a lowkey delinquent as well???

the kind of girl who puts on an innocent & angelic facade around her parents but turns into satan herself the minute they’re gone. definitely not the perfect child her parents thought she was but she managed to keep that image up pretty well

that classic scene where the gal goes to school in a pretty, conservative dress & then immediately changes clothes once her parents leave...........that’s gel 100%

when she was younger she was actually.....the perfect child who was a total sweetheart and made perfect grades and never broke the rules, but she kind of started acting out a bit after her brother went to college. she missed him a lot and felt rly sad & left behind bc they didn’t talk as much as she would have liked them to so she kind of took that frustration out by acting out ig??

she would always sneak out at night to go skateboarding with her friends & she would cut class to smoke in the parking lot and would party a lot

very kind and well meaning but a shit kid who honestly was just.....lost & didn’t know how to rly deal with her feelings

despite her history of ditching school and just generally being a shit kid she actually is v smart academically & graduated high school with straight a’s

she was all set to go off to college and start her adult life when her parents passed away unexpectedly in a car accident.

gel was.....completely devastated as u could imagine. she was rly close to her parents the accident kind of rly destroyed her

she still hasn’t fully processed & fully grieved the death of her parents to this day. it’s something she can’t talk about. she doesn’t know how to process her feelings & so instead she has adopted v unhealthy ways of coping !!!!!! gotta luv it.

she just avoids her feelings & problems by drinking and partying and doing drugs and just hoping one day she’ll feel better and everything will hurt less

after her parents died she ditched the idea of college altogether. she couldn’t stay at home any more after so she promptly moved away, ending up moving in with a childhood friend in tallow, where she lives now & works as a tattoo artist.

that is basically.....her history / backstory & now i’m gonna ramble some more about her personality

she can be a little bit rough around the edges & isn’t particularly the friendliest person in the world

when u first meet her she can be cold & can seem rly bitchy bc....she kind of is but also she is just very dry and sarcastic?? like it’s hard to tell if she’s joking or being serious bc she pretty much always speaks w the same tone

she’s a textbook cool girl

kinda mysterious, kinda not

she knows what she wants & knows how to get it? she is very manipulative & will tell anyone what they want to hear if it means she will get what she wants

she is very bold & impulsive & adventurous. she dives head first into everything without thinking about the consequences. 100% do now, think later

bit of a hoe tbH. very flirtatious w literally anyone she meets. 

my bi queen

not very big on relationships at this point??? she is.....lowkey afraid to get close to ppl bc she has this mindset that everyone is going to leave her eventually & she’s destined to be alone forever

smokes a lot of weed. is....basically always down to do drugs. nothing like....super intense but u know.

lowkey a functioning alcoholic

has mad anger issues. likes to punch things a lot. catch her breaking plates at least twice a week

she has......a very intense fear of driving now so she avoids it at all costs. she will walk or board anywhere she can

would definitely revenge bang ur dad if u cross her 

again she is not a very nice girl and she loves revenge like.....too much it’s scary. she is very dramatic and will probably try to attempt to ruin ur life if u do the tiniest thing that she doesn’t like

but she actually is very loyal when it comes to the people closest to her

idk what else to say honestly i’m just kind of rambling at this point so i will stop now. come plot w me !!!!! i have a best basic plot page here if u wanna check it out !! i’ll probably make a better one at some point. you can also find gel’s pinterest board here if u wanna get a better feel for her !!

[lilietsblog]

sailor moon episode 17 (a girl’s true beauty is inside, aka usagi-family shut all the fuck up)

oh look its Usagi vs beauty standards she WANTS to live up to them but also they are bullshit and she's pissed my baby <3

also I want to draw her again but like in an entirely different way? i think i know what i was getting right and wrong in the different Usagis I drew last time

btw my friend also commented that she doesnt like how Usagi switched from talking to herself about the opening to comparing herself to her friends (unfavorably)

like she didnt like the old version either but the new one is not an improvement

someone please give my sweet rabbit child some self respect i swear to god i will bite y'all

also she commented that usagi says 'im a crybaby' right after probably breaking her nose on the floor and SHE WOULD CRY IF THAT HAPPENED TOO

meanwhile i myself like that Usagi has switched from 'im clumsy and a crybaby and thats about it' to 'im a superheroine!!!' like yeah thats not MUCH progress but Usagi does claim this as an identity now

then again it might not be all that positive now compared to if she'd done that back when she was alone and, y'know, actually doing all the work

Usagi just. can't keep up when Rei sets the tempo and thats impacting her all the harder now that she actually feels like this is something she IS

I love that Usagi keeps track of what school is near where. the queen knows her kingdom

also I love where Usagi's priorities lie in respect to 'precious youth'. this girl knows what she's about

omfg this guy looks completely hounded. are these the same photographers that swarmed rui-chan the tennis player?

also ha i just realized the senshi are going to be around for this guy because of usagi's need to keep track of everything that's happening! queen <3

'don't act like a groupie!!!' you know when Rei stopped them I assumed she was going to tell them off for crowding the already overwhelmed guy but no instead it's about looking good (tm) and of course it is it's rei usagi's the one who cares about how people feel like no disrespect rei is a glory and a fire but just. this is usagi's strength, and right now rei is doing the exact wrong thing

like Usagi would have most definitely understood the 'dont hurt him' argument but DONT BE A FANGIRL is shit usagis not here for

omfg and here's Rei being a purist like on one hand she has a point in 'WHY ARE YOU HERE IF YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE PHOTOGRAPHY' but on the other hand this definitely smacks of fake nerd gatekeeping and look just being a celebrity in high school is an achievement worth noting

omfg and then he himself comes over to ask them to stop arguing I love this boy and also Rei's face

like Usagi looks her usual confused Usagi self, but Rei is just. caught off guard. this is not part of her image. she has no clue <3

also HEY IS THERE FINALLY GOING TO BE BONDING

THERE WAS AMI/USAGI BONDING BACK WHEN THEY FIRST MET BUT THERE HAS ONLY BEEN REI/USAGI FRICTION SO FAR AND THEY IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE WOLF

omg Nephrite catches this boy when he's about to fall off a cliff no but literally he would have been dead probably or at least in the hospital if Nephrite hadn't been there to catch him huh actually the gardener guy ended up for the best because of Nephrite's influence too?... and Nephrite, unlike Jadeite, isn't managing to collect any energy at all! what a loser

this is another thing my friend&I discussed, Jadeite's general strategy was fine, he just should have been less greedy and more low key, while Nephrite is a complete loser putting all eggs in one basket

by no means am i saying that Nephrite isn't Actually Kind Of Really Fucking Evil what im saying is just that he sucks at it <3

oh hey Nephrite are you adopting a bit of Jadeite's strategy there Jadeite's thing was collecting energy from strong emotions, and Nephrite wants to buff the boy up by exploiting his puberty feelings

I love how it seems like Usagi isn't listening to Luna tell her about the communicator at all, BUT ACTUALLY SHE IS AND READY TO TELL AMI THE NEWS RIGHT NOW Usagi is much more capable of focus than Luna thinks she is, she just doesn't give a fuck about Luna's goals and priorities & Luna sucks at fixing that

...no but I still can't get over how Usagi's Evil Plan for befriending Ami was not even cheating off her, but GETTING HER TO HELP HER STUDY. WTF USAGI-MAMA. like yeah it could have been a mistranslation but tbh this looks perfectly in keeping with the kind of bullshit Usagi keeps being pelted by. someone pls give the rabbit child some math tutoring

aaaaaa I was just about to comment on how Usagi's next reaction after Ami is busy is to call Rei but then she starts remembering Rei blowing her off and just ALL THE SADS

WHY IS USAGI'S BROTHER SO MEAN TO HER WTF

USAGI-MAMA WTF IT'S ONE THING TO NOT INTERFERE WHEN THE LITTLE BROTHER IS PESTERING HIS BIG SIS BUT THE OTHER TO ACTUALLY CONFIRM TO USAGI THAT YOU THINK SHE IS STUPID AND UGLY W T F

at least Motoki is there for her <3

ASSHOLE MASK WHY ARE YOU THERE LIKE YOU ARE SAYING A RIGHT THING BUT IN AN ASSHOLE WAY

omfg wait what 'a kind heart and guts' <= precisely Usagi's strong suit 'but of course you got neither' <= why you gotta bully like literally why dont you stay in your lane why and then the crown jewel

HAS USAGI EVEN REGISTERED WHAT HE'S SAYING YET BECAUSE THIS SURE LOOKS LIKE 'AUDITORY PROCESSING HASN'T CAUGHT UP TO SPEECH PRODUCTION YET' and Motoki's face like 'i want to be anywhere but here right now and Luna with her best impression of a vase

and oh looks like Usagi did mean what she said hopefully it was because she knows herself and sarcasm meters are off the chart

'Mamoru she's a young lady you can't treat her like a little kid' wait what thats new so have you noticed her raging crush on you yet also is that how you think little kids are treated

also Mamoru 'every time we talk we end up fighting' NO YOU JUST ARE MEAN TO HER EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH YOU GOAT

'i guess we just don't get along' I GUESS YOU'RE JUST A BULLY DO YOU GET ALONG WITH OTHER GIRLS DO YOU ALSO TELL THEM THEY ARE UGLY AND STUPID AND CALL THEM NAMES AND INSULT THEIR HAIR DO YOU ALSO ASSURE THEM THEY ARE COWARDLY AND SELFISH DO THEY TAKE BETTER TO THIS TREATMENT

AW YIS USAGI TRIUMPHS OVER HER MEAN FAMILY IN HER BROTHER'S EARSHOT GOOD JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!!

AND AW HEY LOOK AT USAGI ACTUALLY WORKING ON THIS SHE KNOWS HOW TO STUDY FOR BEING A MODEL BUT NOT MATH

welp urgent need for a new swimsuit oh wait no i think i remember what she did Usagi is officially better at crafts than her mom

I wonder how many times Luna has commented on someone acting weird WITHOUT there ending up to be Dark Kingdom there I suspect many

also "there's just something wrong about you getting accepted" just why

LOOK AT USAGI ACTUALLY PRACTICING SHE CAN WORK AND FOCUS IF THERE'S MOTIVATION

ahaha she just tied the ribbons it looks good tho so still GOOD JOB USAGI

omfg he actually CAPTURES the girls in his photos incredible

im just imagining Luna "USAGI-CHAN THERE IS NO TUNA IN THE CABINET THIS MUST BE A DARK KINGDOM PLOY" "USAGI-CHAN YOUR NEIGHBOUR IS IN A WEIRD MOOD TODAY THIS MUST BE A DARK KINGDOM PLOY" "USAGI-CHAN YOU GOT A GOOD MARK IN SOMETHING THIS MUST BE A DARK KINGDOM PLOY"

omfg the boy is completely off the rails and still somehow intensely cute BOOM! BOOM!

and oh look her echo what Mamoru said unlike CERTAIN PEOPLE, Usagi is capable of listening to other people and hearing the grain of truth even if 99% of what they say is insulting her (at least, y'know, in retrospect. its slightly harder in the moment)

and oh look at Usagi not cry despite tripping and falling badly it's clear that she's in pain but she pulls herself together anyone who insults Tsukino Usagi is going to have to FIGHT ME PERSONALLY

also oh look at her transforming right in front of this guy just like the musician all people she doesn't actually have a personal connection to so it's fine if they know

oh look at competent solo Usagi again <3

SAILOR MOON KICK!!!!

...and now that the boy has been trapped, Usagi is scared and disoriented again

this is really the hard part of fights, just keeping your focus and not being overwhelmed Usagi can do 0 of it yet she's still fighting anyway

LUNA!!!

HIDOI!!!

and NOW the girls appear I wonder if Usagi could have done without them... actually this would have been the moment for Tuxedo Kamen to show up and I can't say I'm not glad he's not replaced with the senshi <3 ...then again at least he's supportive of Usagi

I love that Rei uses her shrine maiden spells almost more than her actual fire power

wait fuck the girls got snapped too

is it rose time or will Usagi gear up herself

AW YIS THE SOLUTION IS OBVIOUS

HOLY JUMP BATMAN

AND THE FINISHING MOVE GOOD JOB USAGI YOU CAN DO THIS ...but of course neither Luna nor the girls are there to see it -_-

hey Nephrite you're still a loser and Zoicite is there to inform you of that fact of course aw yis he talks back ^^

I wonder does Nephrite have an infinite supply of minions?

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HE REMEMBERED WHAT HAPPENED

USAGI-FAMILY SHUT THE FUCK UP LIKE ALL THE WAY UP I NOW REMEMBER WHY I FANTACIZED ABOUT THEM BEING ATTACKED AND USAGI SAVING THEM ALL THEY REALLY NEED TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON ABOUT HER J F C

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...

[ashleysillustrations]

Contact With Industry - Steve Brown

My fifth Contact with industry is a children's illustrator called Steve Brown who lives in the uk and is represented by the Bright Agency.

I love your textured work it brings your illustrations to life, what are the 5 things that inspire your work?

Oh God I don’t really know, I’m not quite sure where most of it comes from. I have periods were I am totally inspirationaly numb and then I have times where ill produce something new everyday. I would probably say, if I had to try and narrow things down..

1: stupid and funny stuff my kids say, that sometimes inspires me to write or draw something.

2:watching a lot of cartoons etc with the kids, ive always loved cartoons and grew up in the late 70’s early 80’s when all the best stuff was on tv.

3: I like to look through other illustrators pages on twitter, facebook, instagram etc and sometimes something might spark some inspiration off.

4: Again I like to look at other artists work, I like to study their tecniques and I get ideas for my own stuff sometimes while I do that.

5: I don’t sleep that well, and a lot of ideas for stories and images pop in my head while im laying there so I tend to write a quick  ote then and there so I don’t forget it in the morning.

What type of illustration projects are you most interested in?

My ultimate goal is to write and illustrate my own books, I am currently trying out my writing and sending stuff to my agent, and thankfully getting some good responses from her, and they are being pitched to publishers and book fairs so fingers crossed they will develop into something soon. But I love illustrating anything really, I like things with a good sense of humor, stupid humor and gross stuff. I want to illustrate stuff for kids, I see lots of stuff out there at the moment that are beautiful illustrations but I feel that the stories are for the adult and not the child, kids want fun and adventure and that’s what I want to do. 

When working for clients do you ever get uninterested or uninspired of a project? If so what motivates you to finish the project?

Yes unfortunately sometimes I get like that, the story can sometimes be a bit boring, especially if they are for really young readers. I try to focus on the character design as that’s a part I really enjoy, I try to think of each project as a learning experience in the business and in my development as an artist, plus I need to pay the mortgage haha so gotta get it done.

 I tend to have creative blocks,do you get them? If so how do you overcome them?

Have that for sure, more often than I like! Don’t know why I get them and don’t know how I get rid of them.. ill have days where everything I do is rubbish or I actually cant think of a thing to do, then all of a sudden something clicks and its gone!.. so im afraid im of no help there, I think all creative get that and you have to just power through as much as possible.

When deciding to become an illustrator how did you start to gain work? what was your strategy?

I was a Paramedic for 9 years but knew I wanted to leave and try to become an illustrator, ( I went to art college when I left school for a few years) and was going to slowly die down the ambulance work and try to break into the illustration world, but I ended up with a bad back injury which put me off work sick for 7 months and I was in constant pain. Drawing was the only thing to that took my mind off it all, I decided  to try and approach agents to see what responses I got. I Got signed after 6 weeks and started from there really, when I finally got better enough to try and go back to work, I only managed 2 shifts and I was back in hospital, came home and my wife told me I wasn’t going back, and wrote my resignation letter right then. If it wasn’t for my wifes amazing support I couldn’t do any of this. I was with that agent for 2 and a bit years, then moved to Bright. Don’t know how I would of got on if I hadn’t got signed by an agent?

Where do your colour pallets come from?

I tend to just put down what feels right for that image.. some publishers like a certain palette for there books which can be hard if I feel it’s a bit too garish but I tend to balance that out with doing a piece of my own to satisfy my needs haha.

 My personal workstation if full of all sorts of paint, pens and book etc… what does your work station consist of and what is your favourite medium to work with?

It consists of a bloody mess!!.. im actually buying a new studio in the next couple of months.. I currently have a summer house at the bottom of the garden but am changing it for a big Log cabin, so will have lots more space.. my desk has my large cintiq on it plus lots of pens and pencils etc, I have lots of books of illustration and childrens books, comics and graphic novels. Loads of full up sketchbooks and spare sketchbooks. I Also have a drawing/art table which is currently full of marvel and star wars toys etc and the od harry potter wand.

I like to doodle in my sketchbook, I used to do a lot of watercolour and copic markers etc but I use photoshop now for my proper finished work, I do love to sketch in my sketchbooks but I really do love to work digitally no.

Is there any advice you would give an illustration student finishing university wanting to become a children's book illustrator?

Make sure you have a lot of savings hahaha I would say make sure you have a passion for it as its hard going being freelance, its hard to not have that certainty of a regular wage. But I think it is worth it, I am 40 in April and the happiest ive ever been. Its an amazing job when you have the work, but also a scary job when it quietens down.

My advice would be keep pushing yourself, say yes to everything and then work out how you’ll do it afterwards, try not to put too many walls up. Doing something new and different is scary but can also be very rewarding.

You can check out Steve's work here -  http://www.stevebrownillustration.co.uk